The Noir Curse (WIP) (Some feedback?)

Hosted Games Works In Progress
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I’ve begun work on my first interactive novel, The Noir Curse. In it, you play a young magician that has been chosen to break the curse that has made night eternal on the land, along with nine other chosen ones.

The love interests are:

-A stoic elf with little words that goes by the name Razyel. At the beginning he isn’t much of a talker and barely shows any emotions at all, but if you do choose to romaticize him, he’ll start opening up to you little by little.
-A beautiful winged woman that goes by the name of Ivory. She is a sweetheart and won’t hesitate to stand up for others. She is determined on breaking this curse and is also eager to make friends.

-An exotic nymph that goes by the name of Ava. She is flirty for sure and won’t hesitate to approach you with more than friendly intentions!

-Rhysand, the eldest of the Night Gods (only by seconds really). There’s a dark sadistic aura around him and he won’t hesitate to play with people’s feelings. Be careful if you ever fall for him because you may never be sure if he is being fake or truthful.

-Cassian, the youngest of the Night Gods. Although they are always doing whatever their twin does, in all truthfullnes, Cas may have a softer heart than people are made to believe. They have always lived on their brother’s shadow and command, but they are eager to break free and start making their own decisions.

-The Sun God, Destan. He was defeated by the Night God twins and is now living captured in who knows where. From what the legends say, Destan was known for being a benevolent ruler and he sure as hell seems like a kind being. But, do people really know what lies under the mask of his benevolent facade?

In The Noir curse you’ll be able to:

-Choose your own gender and name
-Find true love with any of these ROs
-Break the Noir Curse
-Make life long bonds
-Discover the hidden secrets of the Night Palace

And much more!

Its mostly a fantasy, romance and adventure story and I was wondering if anyone would like to check out tthe chapters I have so far. Check if there are grammar errors, bugs or anything that could make it better.

This is my first interactive novel so I hope its at least slightly good :joy:

Chapter 1: 40,876 characters including coding. 7,333 words.
Chapter 2: 30,258 characters including coding. 5,299 words.
Chapter 3: 33,688 characters including coding. 6,113 words.
Chapter 4: 91,017 characters including coding. 16,544 words.

To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/play/juniper/the-noir-curse-demo/mygame/

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Interesting concept. My comment is that as the player, I don’t have enough knowledge of the world around me yet (maybe that’s for chapter 2!) to really understand who I am or why I’m here. I’m missing some background. Where did I come from? What is the world around me like?

I think it’s good that you get into the action really quickly, but I think a little bit of a prologue where we can establish some of this background might be helpful. Maybe some dialogue with another character, before the forest, could help us.

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Interesting premise! Like sviyagin said, readers will need more information on the world, the Gods, the quest and such. Otherwise I feel we won’t really be able to know what exactly we’re getting ourselves into.

For example
  • How did the Sun God get imprisoned?
  • Why was he/she/they imprisoned in the first place?
  • Who are the Night God Twins?
  • How was the choosing done?
    etc~

One thing about gender: most games here allow players to play as genders beyond the conventional scope, so perhaps you can consider adding something like a non-binary option too :slight_smile:

About the romance… how many ROs have you planned?

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Noted! I shall take your advice and do a little bit more of world building, maybe make the player stop at a tavern before leaving the city. I just wasn’t sure if i was making the chapter too long.

I was going to do so when I got a little bit more of feel for this whole coding format. But eventually if I do submit it as a Hosted Game i will add the option. Or maybe I’ll do so soon. Im not sure yet. But i will definitely add it.

As for romance I was thinking of making four love interests? Is that a good amount or is it too much or…?

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It’s really up to you! If you want to focus on romance in your game you should definitely have more than one. The Wayhaven Chronicles has four LIs, Bright Eyes, Black Blood has three, and there are some, like Seven Heirs that have a ton.

You should do what feels natural to you and your story :slight_smile:

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Alrighty! For now I’ll stick to four since romance is supposed to be a big part of the game

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I feel like four is a good number. Big enough to have some variety and small enough that they can be well developed. I would much rather play a game with one really good romance than one with ten bad ones.

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I really enjoyed the story so far and can not wait to see where it goes.

As for the backstory;

You could have it as a prologue and make it as if the MC is reading up on the subject to prepare for being chosen.

This could also give you a chance to make it a choice for the reader if they wish skip the backstory

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So I have a question, I had made this prologue for this plot a while ago but I wasn’t sure if you could start with something from someone else’s POV.

It was a prologue I made from the Night Gods POV but I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to add it at the beginning.

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Other points of view can be really interesting and done well. Wayhaven Chronicles, which I linked above has some scenes like that, as does The Shadow Society.

I really recommend looking into the last one actually because it has a few similarities in concept to your game, and it could be interesting and/or helpful to check it out.

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I’ll add that prologue I was thinking of and see how it goes! I’ll let you guys know when i do so you can give me a little feedback about it xD

Hmm i tried clicking on it but it just sends me back to this thread

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Link is fixed now, and here it is too!

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I’ll make sure to check it out thank you!

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I think if it appears in the prologue, it should be fine! Some games do that too. You can upload it first and decide whether or not to keep it in depending on the feedback you receive! :slight_smile:

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I’ll do that thank you!

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When I’m at the part where the door of the night place open it won’t let me get to the next page.

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@Bluewolf - that’s the end of the demo.

@juniper - if you want to “fix” that, use the *finish command at the end of the scene. It’ll take the player to the endgame scene, so there won’t be a bug/any confusion. You can move the command as you go.

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I’m definitely intrigued. I look forward to reading more =)

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Interesting start to the game!

I noticed that some choices (in the same block) have stat increases and others not. This could be a bit punishing for people who want to roleplay as a certain type of character. Like playing one way gives you a boost to strength or magic, but playing another way doesn’t give you a boost at all.

Another thing I saw was that you used *sm_init mygame to add the save system to your game, but “mygame” should be named something unique.

Otherwise all games that use that variable (of which there are a few, as of now) practically share the save system with each other (basically meaning that you have to share the save slots between all games that use “mygame” as a variable).

All in all it’s a promising start, though! :slight_smile:

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