Keepers (WIP- Demo, poll in last post)

heroic-fantasy
gender-choice

#1

The link in this post is updated. For full update on current demo check here!

Please post your [General Attributes] and [Relationships] stats once you finish the chapter!

Hello everyone!

I am fairly new to this website/forum but I have played multiple hosted games as well as choice of games before and am definitely not new to the genre of text adventure games. I love to write and I really wanted to try this program out.

A heads up: I’m fairly busy with school and work so I may not update the game and thread as often, but come May or so I’ll definitely be able to do more work on it. There is a short demo available currently and I’ll be working on it during my free time.

I may change the game title when I decide on one, but Keeper(s) will remain somewhere in the title. Also I would love to be informed if there is a very similar game to this out already!

Working Game Description
In this world, humans over time have had magic fused into their blood. These people are called Keepers, and you’re one of them. There’s a strict code that every Keeper must follow, after all, what is power without responsibility? You happen to get a little lucky with what you are able Keep, but you’ve already gone down the wrong path once. Now the question is, can you fix your mistakes before it’s too late or will they consume you whole?

The game
This is a fantasy based game set in another world where certain humans are Keepers, and they do exactly what their title suggest, they keep certain aspects of life. Be it an element (water, air, and even time [etc.]) or an object/set of objects (i.e. Keeper of a library vs. trees in a forest). There are also rules about bloodlines, and more stuff that will be revealed with the actual game demo. The MC is a Keeper but with a few secrets and decisions made that has already once led to the wrong choice. Now you decide what to do this time around.

Demo
Play the demo here: https://dashingdon.com/go/1336

Current Demo Features
Prologue
Chapter 1 (complete)

  • introduction of multiple characters
  • achievements, spellbook, backpack, and journal all available
  • stats mostly implemented, may need to tweak
  • many activities to do

Chapter 2 (started)

  • breakfast scene
  • character relations and introductions
  • first day at the Grounds started

Future Updates
Continue chapter 2

What I currently need opinions on and help with:
  • Now that the demo is live, it’ll be easier to provide more concrete feedback and suggestions. So I’d love some feedback on the current demo I have up.
    If you’ve played the game:
  • Let me know about any errors or bugs you come across. I try to go through the game myself a few times before posting it, but I don’t catch everything.
  • Chapter 1 is currently complete, do you feel it’s too long as it is or reasonable?
  • Do you like that you have an option for your best friend? Or would you prefer that I already have that pre-set?
  • Along with the previous post, I’d like some opinions on this: both options for the best friend will eventually end up as two separate characters in game. One is just your childhood best friend, and the other will be introduced later. Would that be okay or a little odd?
  • Always looking out for grammar mistakes and spelling errors (I do use “UK English”, so the spelling for certain words and some words may seem off, let me know if it’s distracting, thanks!)
  • Also let me know if any of the pronouns for any characters (including yours) are off.
  • Let me know if there seems to be too many words for a certain section, or if you feel I should separate out some of the pages to shorter pages.
Things in mind:
  • As of right now you cannot choose what you Keep, mostly due to storyline purposes. So this won’t change for some time. However, I’m going to put a couple more chapters up before asking about this and see if opinions change once you get to know your character more. All I ask is that you have an open mind for now with what is currently possible.
  • As of right now, the only gender options are male or female. This is mostly because it’s easier on me and makes more sense to the storyline. Please check the ‘opinions needed on’ section of the latest update for more on this!
  • I will be working on the relationships a little later once I have more of the story down.

General
I’d still love feedback on the concept itself and any suggestions you think you might work well. I have a ton of ideas for it but I love hearing more.
How are the stats working at this time? I’d love any concerns or questions regarding them.
I’ll update as I need for this.

Sorry for the long post, and I look forward to and thank you for your feedback in advance!

Updates:
4/4/2017: Demo is live! Prologue & Chapter 1 (incomplete)
5/18/2017: Chapter 1 Updated - characters and actions added (incomplete)
5/22/2017: Mini Update: Courtyard scene edited.
6/14/2017: Chapter 1 Updated - chapter is complete!
8/6/2017: Mini Update: Chapter 2 added (incomplete)


#2

I think your idea is good,but are you planning to upload a demo?:slight_smile:
And what kind of powers would the keepers have?


#3

Wow that was fast haha! I do plan on uploading a demo soon, I have some exams coming up so I’m trying to get at least a small part of it done right now, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get it up within a day or two, might take a little longer.

As for powers: it depends and actually I plan on asking for opinions after a small demo is up. Currently, as I have it planned, the MC’s keeper bloodline is already chosen for you at the beginning, but powers you gain as you progress. It also depends on the morality or decision making stat what options you have.


#4

What kind of powers would the keepers have?
And btw you were lucky that I was online.:grin:
And,you need a romantic relationship in the game,or it would not have the right flavour.


#5

Yes, I figured for the romantic relationships. I see it in a lot of games and people seem to like them a lot, but I will definitely have to work on writing them better. Thanks!


#6

This sounds a bit like ‘The Giver’ (book)…Hmm…So there’s a certain amount of time-travel…That’s always fun. :slight_smile:
Does the player get to choose what kind of giver they are or is that predecided? Or maybe it could be randomly decided at the beginning of each play through…
It also seems to have some Dr. Strange influences…
I look forward to this game, it sounds like fun! :wink:


#7

Sounds like a really great premise for a game. Romantic relationships aren’t necessary but are always a nice added bonus. I’ve got to admit though, I do hate to see characters that’re added to a game just for the sake of being a romantic interest. The way I’d go about it is to have a few characters that’re designed to be the main character’s friends and allies, but you could add an option to romance them too.

As far as stats go, there’s always basic things like strength, speed, dexterity, stealth, cunning and things like that, but you could always add Keeper specific stats to the game. For instance, depending on the character’s choices, they could gain skills in powers like fire, water, air, earth and time. The stronger they get in a particular skill, the more powers they could use. (For instance, someone with weak fire skills might be able to create a small fire to light the dark, but somebody with stronger powers might be able to throw a fireball at someone or melt the lock off a door or something.)


#8

Seems interesting and can’t wait


#9

Grabbed my attention, I’m curious to see where we are at in the Keepers and about our powers.

Do the Keepers have a society perhaps? Like the stronger Keepers kinda lead the others and what not or do they just all do their own thing?


#10

First off, thanks so much everyone for the responses :D!

@Bjorked You know I can see why you would say that. I have read and enjoyed the book “The Giver”. It definitely does share some elements to that!
That’s also something I was debating, as I told Anubhab_Khanra I will be posting a demo hopefully soon and getting opinions on that matter. As of right now, the Keeper type the MC is already predetermined. This is a choice game though so I want to see if people like the choice I have already given or if they’d prefer to choose one. I didn’t actually think of having it randomly assigned at the beginning, I may implement that possibly if people prefer choosing. However, if they get to choose or it’s randomly set, there would not be many options since a lot of scenes would be different depending on what you can Keep as I prefer to make each play through a little more unique than the last.
Thanks so much for the input and I’ll definitely try to get a demo up soon!

@Avery_Moore I definitely would not add a character for only one purpose, I also hate seeing that in games and even books/movies if they don’t have much use for the plot itself. I’m thinking of doing something like what you suggested to the characters planned, I think it’d be the simplest and probably more interesting for the player.
I do have ideas of some Keeper specific stats, with one of them definitely depending on how far you advance as a Keeper. I definitely will have choices either excluded or included depending on their skill as a Keeper and possibly some other stats. Thank you though for the other stats idea! I may certainly use either cunning or stealth. I probably won’t do the 6 typical RPG ones unless I see that they would work well for certain things (i.e. wisdom for knowing more about certain things, etc.)

@Harley_Robin_Evans Thanks so much! I hope I’ll have something up soon.

@ToxicDreams The Keepers do in fact have a society, I won’t say too much about that now as most of it will be either revealed as the MC mulls over what they already know about being a Keeper, and the rest through the story. Of course, no society is perfect so I can’t say that some Keepers don’t stray.


#11

The demo is now up! The link for it is in the first post.

It’s not too long in terms of what happens in the actual plot since it’s mostly the character creation section, but you start to get some background.

I promise there’ll be more advancement to the game in the next update, I just wanted to get a small part of the demo up there mostly to check if the game works fine. So please let me know!


#12

“A dagger to the throat would cause all of those, but the one emotion it doesn’t account for is the last you see in thsoe eyes.”

Typo–“thsoe eyes.”

“…alone. you briefly look down to see what could be causing it.”

Typo–“you” should be capitalized.

The gender options are really nonspecific. Men can and do wear makeup and a lot of women shave. I’d suggest providing gender options that actually include the terms “man” and “woman” in some way. Other ways of presenting a choice of gender will either rely on gender roles or specific body parts, both of which aren’t actually true to many men and women (particularly gender nonconforming and trans individuals).

“Either way, all males must remain stricly clean shaven…”

Typo–should be “strictly.”

“Now that you don’t look like a trainwreck, as you like to put it, you return to your bedroom.”

Hm. This creates somewhat of a separation between the player and the character (which isn’t necessarily bad, but be aware that many people play these kinds of games for the personal experience) because the narrative is saying, “This is how you word things.”

“…each easily able to hold 20 or perhaps more moderately sized books.”

You should spell out the number here instead (twenty).

“A rich purple velvet covered book.”

There needs to be a comma between purple and velvet.

“Things you’ve seen and done is all there in that book, but each time you advance, it mysteriously adds more pages.”

Should be “are all there” instead of “is all there.” This sentence reads a little strange, though. I think it might be how vague it is. As a reader, I don’t know what the terms “things you’ve seen and done” or “each time you advance” are referring to.

“His oaky brown eyes always made him seem older than what he actually was…”

Another case of vagueness. I’d recommend something like “…made him seem older than his actual age…” instead.

“…you knew he’d achieve his dreams to be a travelling scholar.”

Should be “…his dreams of becoming a traveling scholar.”

“Your ‘mother’ was at the village market getting ingredients for dinner while your ‘father’ was out hunting with some others in the nearby forest.”

Why are the words mother and father in scare quotes?

“As soon as the first Keeper Raids as they had come to be called started, the village council held a meeting to try and protect everyone.”

Should be, “As soon as the first Keeper Raids, as they had come to be called, started, the village council held a meeting to try and protect everyone.”

“A few of the houses near your area, including your own only had enough dug out for a few to be kept safe, but with no linking channels to the other nearby safeholds, you two were well and truly trapped.”

Should be, “A few of the houses near your area, including your own, only had enough dug out for a few to be kept safe and no linking channels to the other nearby safeholds. You two were truly trapped.”

“‘I have something for you.’ he whispered…”

Should be, “‘I have something for you,’ he whispered…”

"S

houts were relayed back. Then they rushed forward."

I think that covers most of it. It’s very interesting so far😄


#13

Yeah, I was about to post these same errors when I noticed this post…


#14

I really, really like what you have so far, and I’m very surprised at how cohesive your writing comes across even in this early form! :wink:


#15

I think what you’ve got here is really good so far.


#16

Oooooh this is interesting. The demo is really good so far.


#17

First off thank you so much for taking the time and going through the game and finding all these for me! I really appreciate it. I knew there would be quite a few since I was typing a little fast for some of the parts, and I’m sure there’s still a few more. I’ll be going through it tomorrow and fixing all these and replacing the file.

As for the gender option, I did actually start noticing that after. I think I’m going to change it to clothing related options instead. The reason I choose clothing is actually relating to the Keeper Society having very strict rules on such aspects. As of right now I may keep it Male/Female only, however, I have some ideas which may or may not include adding more gender options due to this change. Thank you for letting me know on that, I will definitely be changing that up a bit.

I see what you mean regarding the separation, and hadn’t really thought of it in that manner. I may end up making it a choice instead on how the player sees themselves with that being an option instead then. Thanks!

As for the vagueness with the journal part, the player does understand what it means to advance a little later in the game, but I may change the first part to be more specific to what it holds then.

The scare quotes are there for a reason, I’m using them in this case as a special sense. I can’t give away too much more. I couldn’t really find a better way to…I guess indicate that they should stand out to the player. Currently they are acting as a placeholder until I find something better, or choose to get rid of them. Is it distracting? If so, I may then get rid of them earlier.

Thanks for the help with commas I honestly am terrible with using them sometimes, so I appreciate it. I’m glad you like it so far :smiley: I will hopefully be able to add more content soon.


#18

Haha, thank you very much for also taking the time to read through the game and finding the errors. Please let me know if you do find more! I’m sure there’s plenty since I did rush a little with trying to get the demo out.

Also thank you very much, I’m glad you enjoyed it! I know it really isn’t much to go off, but I hope it’s a decent indication of what is to come.

@Martin_Brody Thank you very much for checking it out and letting me know especially since it’s fairly short.

@alexxo97 Thanks so much! I’m glad enough though it isn’t a lot that it is generating some interest.

As for now, I will probably fix all the typos this coming weekend and work on completing Chapter 1. I am unsure exactly how long it’ll be, so I may not have it all done by this weekend. But I will try my best!
Also please let me know what you think about the current length so far. I don’t know if people like this level of detail, If you guys want more or less. Or if you think it’s an adequate length for chapter 1, or not enough. Please let me know, and thank you again!


#19

Hmmm. Instead of the scare quotes, how about something like “guardians” or “people who raised you?” It seems like something more subtle would work better there. It would still be a hint of something remaining unsaid without being too obvious.


#20

Romance subplots are vastly overrated. If the author doesn’t feel like putting them in, they don’t have to.