First set of detailed comments
The cost was too steep, and you could not bear losing a member of your group.
A little redundant, since the cost was losing a member of the group.
You glance over at Rachel who sleeps sitting up with her head resting against the shoulder strap of her seatbelt.
Would you be able to see her from the motorbike?
Now you have five more @{(ideal >= 50) members to contribute to the success of your group|mouths to feed.}
This appears even if August and Allison didn’t join. (Also, needs full stop/period after “group”.)
A set lead towards the Junkyard and a separate set leads away.
“leads”.
Brody works despite only using one arm.
This feels like a very awkward way to word it.
*elseif not(with_dante)
Dante
*goto BucketKnit
It looks like Dante and Gina can be mentioned here even if they’re already dead or never joined.
Brody turns @{brody_shot_by_raiders and holds his injured arm that’s still wrapped in bandages near the shoulder and cradled in a sling.
As before, this reminder of Brody’s injury feels very awkwardly worded.
“One was named Cliff and the other just a letter. Dee, maybe?” Billie says, wringing her hands.
Shouldn’t Billie at least know of the Paines, as she’s from the countryside too?
“my mother’s killers. Sam and Peter Makarov.”
Shouldn’t have the first quote mark.
"${firstname}, do you know the Makarovs? They're a father and son, and I think they may have lived near your old house in Nightfall."
"Yeah, Sam and Peter."
"Sam worked for the fire department and came to my grade school to talk on a career day. He was so creepy, and for some reason he even brought his creepier son. That kid was a few years older than me, but he kept trying to hang out with me and my friends. He kept asking all of us strange questions about being home alone or when we go to sleep at night or how often we went to the dentists. Anyway, I never forgot those two. They showed up here with those bandits."
Who’s speaking here? It follows directly after the MC or Jaime speaking, and the former makes no sense, but the latter seems a little unlikely (Peter’s probably not a few years older than Jaime).
“We told him, but he didn’t seem to care much. He kind of change the subject when I brought it up.”
“changed”
“Like I said, he’s not our prisoner anymore. You can untie hand and let him go.”
“his hands” or “him”.
You’re not sure about bringing Anders since him and his daughter just arrived at the Junkyard, but Monica could be an asset and prove her usefulness.
“he and his daughter”
“This isn’t my flight. Why am I the bad person for staying out of it?”
“fight”
Your group stands around Sean who remains motionless on the ground. "Broken nose, missing a tooth, maybe a broken jaw. Broken ribs, definitely contusions. All we can do is bandage him up and give him lots of painkillers," @{(m_medicine >= 55) you say.|Allison says.} "Let's get him on that stretcher and bring him to the @{infirmary infirmary|main house}. We have to be really gentle as we move him."
Fred, Reilly, and
Allison might not have joined, and Fred might be with the Silverthornes.
“Did you come to get that wind checked out?” Allison asks, motioning to your ribs.
“wound”
Allison stares at you for a moment and the color washes out of her face.
I think this line should end with "“I’ve” or "“I have” like the other similar lines.
You take a folded piece of cloth off the table, dip it in the water, ringing out, and then place it against Rachel’s forehead.
“wring it out”
He radiates from her skin, though she looks colorless.
“Heat”
You weren’t going to take her anyway, but you can see the difference between the demeanor of the two dogs.
Appears even if your pet is a cat.
and him and Mishy she run off towards the parking lot.
“he and Mishy run” (also a couple of lines later).
On your walk your thoughts turned to Tommy.
“turn”
Also, it seems weird that this paragraph is restricted to people who have a second RO; it makes sense for anyone who’s dating Tommy, and the second RO isn’t mentioned until the next paragraph.
“I need to spend time with you. I can’t believe this happened. Will you stay here with me, so we can talk?”
Remove second quote mark.
@{told_madison_kevin "I know you don’t like Kevin, but he’s my friend.|"I can’t believe people took Kevin.}
Has this variable ever been set? I don’t see it in my version of Part 3.
“I’m sorry about your friend. I’m sure he’s fine. He’s tough and can handle himself. We are going to find him and do everything we can to help him.”
Should this option still call Kevin “Madison’s friend” if the MC has a high relationship with him?
“I can’t guarantee he’s alive, and we’re going to do what we can to find him and bring him back safely.”
“but” would work better here.
He’s like mascot. Screw those bandits.
Should be “a mascot” or “our mascot”.
“You had to pull the parent card, didn’t you? I guess I can’t blame the kid for worrying about his mother. You know how I was with my ma. Okay, I’m on board. @{mission_reilly Let’s go|Go} get the little jerk.”
Not entirely sure if it’s an intentional Freudian slip, but if not, this should be “father”.
"I never thought of the.
Should be “that”.
What gun will he used to shoot them? All these answers will be revealed!"
“use”
You bounce @{(vehicle = “motorcycle”) as the bike hits the narrow path, and you tighten your grip and mean forward to keep from being thrown off the seat.
“lean”
The count stent bouncing and side-to-side motion must be ripping up the wound.
“constant”
At the peak, you spot more track marks and hear the motors of the truck’s in the not so far distance.
“trucks”
You hear the grown of metal, and the tires slip over loose gravel. A puff of white smoke sales from the @{(vehicle = “motorcycle”) engine|hood} and then dissipates.
The first should be “groan”, but I’m not so sure about the second.
You spot track marks on the flat part of the road and no you haven’t made up much time in your attempt to reach the bandits.
“know”
The bandits to canning for a reason.
“took Kevin”
If you were closer you could try to stop their vehicles or when them off the road.
Not sure what this is supposed to be, sorry.
(EDIT: I note that the 
