WIP: The Trilogy of Blood and Marble Updated +5,592 17/4 (Greco-Roman Insipired Fiction)

[Bre]

Thank you! And yeah I have updated

[Bre]

Sorry if it was a but confusing but they’re gone now

[Bre]

Thank you!

[Bre]

It is a lot of work, I have many documents filled with lore and language translations, but I’m not very good and moderation. And I think I wanted the MC to have many siblings to show how big and happy their family was To show how quickly it can be taken away in this world

[Bre]

My senior English teacher demanded for us to put capital after dialogue, it feels wrong not to now.

[Hector_Lopez]

Don’t know why but I feel like our nurse damia actually involved with our parents death, she pretty suspicious

[redfield]

Hi! This is a really interesting WIP <3 I have been enjoying it so far

By the way, I think I found a bug…

MC gets asked about the dreams twice

[MadMax]

nice

[Colshot]

If that was your intention you did an amazing job Because they looked like a Happy family

[Ollie_Bear]

I love the premise and the demo! It’s a really interesting blend on Greco-Roman mythologies and usually some stories like these fall flat, but this one has a lot of potential!
There were some punctuation moments that left me confused with other statements but so far all I have are these:

some sentences have this sort of “running” feeling, English isn’t my first language but it’s like it’s a sentence without stops so I suggest reviewing some? It can be a bit hard to comprehend
there were some scenes where {$word} appears, may be coding error
also some words repeat (I.e “The second ruler, Praxitos Vivitori the 2nd ruler…”
Could there be more descriptions or an eventual glossary of the gods and goddess?

Well all in all the story is great!

[Frankex_2272]

In the part where we have to go with our tutor, I think there is an error related to the protagonist’s second favorite teaching subject and when we choose the subject that he hates, his statistics are the only one that increases. I’m just saying it doesn’t increase our second option

[Canix]

@bre the more i play and read the story about it for some reason it’s almost scarily similar to suzerain a text political game

[Lowern]

Love it
Found some errors ~

*King and she, I suppose that {}$ are cuz the code

I didn’t see it well but When u choose your second ability, the stats doesn’t increase and
when your choose your weakness it increases. For example, my MC is charming and is good in combat, and their weakness is Philosophy

Charming stats increases +40%
Combat stat does nothing 0%
Philosophy stat increased +7-10%

[Mei_Hiroshi]

Thank you for the update @Bre ! There were some inconsistencies in pronouns, for example $he or $King except for female pronouns. Also, when I chose to sit up and apologize to Matronae Damian (I think that was her name), the text showed this choice but also looped with another choice. And when choosing favorite subjects, after choosing dancing first, I could not choose etiquette class as my second. The options only showed combat, dance, academics, philosophy and logic.

Here are some but not all screenshots:

[Spyder]

interesting story look forward to more

[M_Trakar]

I’m really liking the story.

If I may give a sugestion I think a save and load option would be really helpfull.

[LGonza]

Beautifully written, awesome imagery and really interesting start. Look forward to seeing more.

[935]

Very interesting story. Looking forward for more. One suggestion, though, when using variables you have to put the dollar sign outside the brackets like this: ${King}