[WIP] Second Kings (First Chapter - 40K Words)

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Hey people, I’m writing a game.

It’s somewhat of a fantasy/steampunk/dieselpunk frankeinstein. It’s also really baby as of now. Only the first chapter is complete, sitting at around 40K words of mostly worldbuilding and character introductions, so no big decisions or anything crazy yet, but it will have more variety as the story progresses. Check it out, see if you like it!

It’s my first time doing a lot of things. First time posting here, first time I code anything and the first time I write in english too, so there’s bound to be some LoLs floating around in it. Look, at the very least it passed quick and randomtest, so…

Here’s the demo.

Summary

You awaken amidst the aftermath of a mysterious train crash with your memories shattered some weird dreams, only to find you’ve been taken into police custody and accused of things you couldn’t possibly have done… right?

While you try to unravel your past, you realize there’s more people being held there too. People like you.

Who were you before? Are you the same person now? Answer those questions and ask you a more important one: Are you prepared to know yourself?

Fighting, detective work and, of course, romance awaits you in this world of corruption and betrayal.

ROs

I’ve seen people usually list their romance options here, but I’m not going to do that because I want to present them organically, through the story. What I can tell you is that there’s not much in terms of romance yet, as this is just the first chapter.

There will be a little bit for everyone, though. Chartacters have their own orientations, there will be a few bisexual ROs plus one or other exlcusively straight or gay characters too.

Yes, they already made their appearances.

Content Warnings

Watch out for the following tags: Offensive and derogatory language, graphic violence, murder, cannibalism, physical and psychological abuse, paraphilias, animal cruelty.

Feedback

Anything really. Please let me know what you think, so I know what works and what doesn’t. As I said, it is my first time here, I’m sure there’s a lot to improve.

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So I want to know can the MC have magical powers or not and when you’re going to add status menu and by the way I enjoyed playing the game

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Well I’ll be damned. We have our first lol. Stats should be good to go now. And yes, you’ll have abilities. Thanks for giving it a go!

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cant wait to see how this continues :black_heart: giving out lots of love on your writing

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Thank you so much!

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I’ve just dipped a toe in so far, but this already looks really good. Just wanted to encourage you to keep going. I’ll try to come back and add something useful to your feedback once I’ve read more.

Edit: I just finished the chapter and there’s a couple of very minor things that I’m assuming are mistakes (the male officer in the parade is described as having ‘factions’ where I think you mean ‘features’, you use ‘sargent’ as a rank instead of ‘sergeant’, for example).

The main criticism I have is one that springs up a lot in other people’s works too: you’re eager to introduce ALL of your characters as soon as possible, subjecting readers to a barrage of names, descriptions and personalities at nearly the same time.

As the writer you know who all these people are and care about them all already - just remember that the main character doesn’t yet. It may start to get tedious hearing about the eye colour/hair length/ star sign and witty-banter-between-friends of over a dozen people who aren’t that memorable to the reader yet. Maybe you could give a little less detail on less prominent characters at first and give them time to shine a bit later.

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Also I want to know is the MC related to royalty because it will be fucking funny if the entire cast to realize the MC is loyalty to a powerful country that literally dwarf their own country and doing what they did to the MC is basically a declaration of war

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Hah, those are indeed language mistakes and I didn’t even know the sergeant thing. As for the introductions I think you’re right, I’ll change that too when I update. Thanks a lot!

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I was a bit overwhelmed with many characters are being introduced here. U should try to break up the intros a bit or it’s going to be difficult to remember everyone especially since no one has done anything yet to stand out with one other

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Love it so far! You got me hooked with the plot and the writing’s really good too! I do have to agree that you are introduced to so many characters all at oncrle though, it’s kind of overwhelming. Maybe you can add a character index so we don’t forget all the important ones?

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This is a bad thing that I started to like my captors.XD

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I think having 1 chapter is already good progress. Many people post not even go to have one chapter finish. Stay healthy and see you soon

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I really like what I read so far and I just hope we can have save so I don’t need to start over every time I misclick :sweat_smile:

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I just finished reading through the demo and I have to say I am absolutely loving what I’ve played so far.

Aside from the great worldbuilding and interesting characters, I really really love the MC and the options you’ve given us. It’s so rare (sadly) to have an MC with so much personality. I feel like this MC is the Main Character and not just an empty vessel.

Really outstanding work. Keep it up please!

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I think I’m going to push some introductions a little further into the story because I’m not really using everyone as of now. I do have a codex for characters and other world stuff though, just not quite ready yet. Thank you so much for your words!

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Yeah, I want to do that but I have like zero idea. If anyone can teach me or point me in the right direction that’d be great!

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Will say, love what I read so far, I did get the feeling even if the MC’s memory was intact they still wouldn’t know what they were.

Keeping an eye on this,

When I first read the description of the train crash my mind did jump to another CYOA story, although can’t recall it’s title, but you could select a porcelain race.

As I said looking forward to how this develops.

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In the one option: Go back to room or check car 3.

I went to room. The scene after is a definite weird skip trip as the Lieutenant was behind me. Going back to room and not go to car 3 should have her knock on door instead of teleporting at my door waiting on me?

Besides couple grammar issues, this is a break point. If i went to car 3, then sure it works.

Enjoying this so far!

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Oh, true. Thanks! I’ll fix it. And I promise I’ll get better at this lmao.

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Thank you so much! Really!

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