(WIP) Heroes and Heretics | Prologue reworked (completed) 41k words Updated 08/07/24

[Reiner]

[WIP] Heroes and Heretics

Note - Yes i finally rewrote the whole prologue and changed the title from Dark justice to Heroes and Heretics for those who are confused

Greetings !

Welcome to the brutal world of Heroes and Heretics, a gritty, dark, and blood-soaked interactive fiction game. In this dystopian world, superheroes are not the benevolent saviors you know—they are corporate pawns, driven by fame and profit, leaving chaos and destruction in their wake.

---

About the Game

You are a powerful Neogene, a genetically enhanced human with extraordinary abilities. After witnessing the cold-blooded murder of your parents by the so-called superhero Vanguard, your life is consumed by a single burning desire: revenge. Now, you are the most wanted vigilante in the country, hunted by the Nexus Squad and the corrupt government that shields them.

---

Key Features

Deep Narrative Choices: Every decision shapes your journey and the world around you. Will you become the hero the people need, or the villain they fear?

Dynamic Combat System: Engage in brutal battles where your choices and abilities determine your fate. Utilize your unique powers to outsmart and overpower your enemies.

Rich Character Interactions: Form alliances with the enigmatic Outlaws, each with their own dark past and motives. Your relationships will impact the story in profound ways.

Moral Ambiguity: Navigate a world where right and wrong blur together. Your actions will have far-reaching consequences, challenging your morality at every turn.

Detailed World-Building: Explore the dystopian landscape, from the neon-lit streets of the corrupt Ranger city to the shadows of the underground resistance.

play now-https://dashingdon.com/go/16457

Current Progress

• Prologue: Completed
• Chapter 1: In development

Content warning

"Heroes and Heretics" contains mature themes and content that may not be suitable for all audiences. This interactive fiction game includes:

• Graphic Violence: Detailed descriptions of physical combat, injuries, and gore.
• Death and Murder: Scenes involving death, execution, and the aftermath of violent acts.
• Mature Themes: Discussions of loss, vengeance, and moral ambiguity.
• Strong Language: Use of explicit language and harsh dialogue.
• Psychological Trauma: Exploration of mental and emotional distress, including themes of grief and revenge.

Feedback and Participation

Your feedback is invaluable as I continue to develop “Heroes and Heretics.” Please feel free to share your thoughts, suggestions, and any questions you might have.

RO's

Valkyrie- The most strongest neogene on the planet and one of prominent member of nexus squad.

Officer Reeve Mathews- One of the officer working in RCPD (ranger city police department) She/He is a stgrong willed officer.

Billy Smith - a charming man / women who works for The Unity Front Party: Emphasizing traditional values, national security, and societal stability. They view Neogenes with suspicion, advocating for strict regulation and control to protect humanity from potential threats.

Taylor Greene- She/He is the CEO of Omni Tech Industries . She/He is also the sister/brother of steel soldier another prominent member in the nexus squad.

GhostWalker- The naked dude working for the Outlaws

Nexus Squad

Submarine- The Fish guy of the team

Blitz- Speedster of the team

Valkyrie-Powerhouse and primary defender

Steel Soldier-Technological expert and strategist

Vanguard- Leader of the Nexus Squad

StormBlade-Warrior and elemental controller

Brad-Brute force and heavy hitter

The Outlaws

Brother Blood-Second-in-Command of the Outlaws

Jimmy Blades- Leader and founder of the Outlaws

Spike-Tech Specialist of the Outlaws

Ghostwalker-Prominent memeber of the outlaws

Which powerset you enjoyed while playing the game?

• Heat Vision , Super strength ,…
• Superspeed , Phasing,…
• Teleportation,Mastery over blades,…
• Claws,Regenaration,…
• Material Absorption,Durability…

[Nax_00]

Slight pronoun issue, i chose girl but it kept on using he/him and referring to me as a boy [also as a they/them later on]

[Reiner]

will fix it

[Talyrion]

Huh. Playing Batman certainly has its appeal, and I’m for a Noir-esque game, we definitely don’t get enough of those.

That being said, on a personal level, I really hate that dialogues open with the name of the character speaking. To me at least, it definitely kills any attempt at “immersive storytelling” and “gritty atmosphere”, and I can’t help but cringe a little when you get stuff like ‘Narrator’ or ‘Patron 1’.

It’s especially notable because after a while, the text stops doing that for the MC - at leasrt sometimes - probably because it’s really awkward to do that when the game is otherwise in the first person (most of the time. sometimes we’re going back to ‘you’). The confrontation with Serdino in fact does away with any kind of didascalie at first (until it doesn’t), and is instantly better for it.

I also can’t help but notice that despite the game giving me the option of selecting my gender, it seems to have completely ignored that I opted to play a female character, and alternates between male pronouns and gender-neutral ones (despite gender-neutral not being an option, in fact). Also, fun fact, I picked ‘Valkyrie’ as a cape name, which turned to be awkward later on because apparently, that one was already taken - which, you know, fair.

All in all, liking the concept, but I think the introduction definitely need some polish.

[Reiner]

i am fixing thanks for your feedback

[Christopher_Bull]

Bookmarked. It’s just the beginning but it was amazing especially our first act of justice. I’m watching this wip as it grows. One note is that sometimes my vigilante name is sometimes not separated from other words. It broke the narrative a bit other than that it’s fine

[LiliArch]

@Talyrion

That being said, on a personal level, I really hate that dialogues open with the name of the character speaking.

Seconded. Also the description of what the camera does. It reads like a screenplay to me, instead of a novel.

[Booknerd]

I look forward to see more

[kizzygm]

I always thought that the average mutant should have peak human physique. It makes sense since your body is basically evolving to house powers. And i think you should add that your parents’ life insurance and grandma retirement funds got you those high tech equipment because part time jobs alone aren’t enough especially at the age of 18 you’re not getting paid enough. And are you going to add choices for weapons and costumes? And can there be like a branch for the ones who want like a more basic style like wolverine. You could add bone manipulation you can strengthen your bones and mak bone claws. People really sleep on wolverine

[Ninja_King]

I’m very intrigued with this one

[Kotosinica]

Hmm, a story about a teenage mutant ninja vigilante. That is potentially very interesting, but there are some problems preventing it from being a truly immersive experience.

• The story flip-flops between a movie style camera shots with narration thing and 1st person perspective, which is somewhat disorienting;
• Some more detailed descriptions of the setting in the beginning would help. For example, “The camera zooms in on Zelara, a planet teeming with diverse landscapes, bustling cities, and a thriving civilization.” - which kind of cities should a reader imagine here? Since it’s a different planet, these could be landscapes og purple trees, crystal cities and a thriving civilization of green people. We later learn it’s neon cyberpunk cities populated by humans, but it would be nice to describe a little earlier.
• The story at some point forgets we can choose MC gender, so my ninja mutant lady referred to herself as the man with a mission.
• MC gadgets are cool, but there is no way they can afford all that for part-time jobs salaries. Robbing criminals ans selling company secrets, maybe.
• It’s a prologue, but the MC is somehow already badass enough for infiltrating the most secure prison facility and outsmarting a superhero. But doesn’t have enough forethought not to show their real face to a shady black market dealer. He probably sold that info to criminals while MC ate their hot dog.
• Valkyrie throws our MC through the roof for a cool confrontation under the rain. A few minutes later, MC pierces themselves with the katana and her heroic instincts finally kick in - she won’t let MC die! Where were those instincts when she threw MC through the roof? She didn’t know MC had the power of regeneration!
• While there are choices in combat, they don’t feel meaningful enough - there is no difference between using throwable items and saving them for later, because the game doesn’t count them and you’d be down to 2 of them anyway, or between hacking things stealthily and killing guards noisily, because MC half-masked face will be caught on camera anyway.
• What’s even bigger problem, it’s hard to be immerced into MC life and understand them well. Some things, like MC initial reaction to their parents death, would be fine in a linear narrative, but in a multiple choice game, there should be choices for that kind of thing. Let readers choose how MC feels, so we can identify with them better and play a consistent character. Are we feeling disbelief, leading us to distrust official news sources and superheroes? Do we think heroes are incompetent and want our MC to become an unstoppable killing machine? Are we sad the hero dodged that car and let innocent people die instead of facing danger head on and protecting them? Unfortunately, we don’t have those options now. Instead, we have a MC those grappled with the harsh reality of a world where heroes fought, and innocents paid the price - and then decided to infiltrate a prison and kill guards there, as well as prisoners. Why infiltrate anyway, their parents’ killer was caught and locked up, there are criminals still at large MC could kill? MC’s trick relies on Valkyrie’s people-saving instincts, but they still think heroes don’t care about saving lives.
• There are discussions of justice and other themes in the game, but what kind of in-universe realities stand behind all those words? “If the heroes of Nexus Squad weren’t such cowards, none of this [killing] would have been necessary. You people hide behind your codes and your morals while the real world burns.” - are we supposed to think of heroes as cowards, or is our MC wrong here? We have only 1 example to go by, a hero failing to save MC parents, a scene we are only told from the news. “How many lives have you actually saved, Valkyrie? Or are you just as complicit in the chaos as the rest of them?” - apparently, all the lives of hostages from the mall, except for 2 people? Even if Hyperion didn’t save them, is it his fault? Is his failing an indicator of some kind of systemic problem with the heroes? We don’t know. Maybe if this scene occured somewhere later in the story, after we knew more about heroes’ failings, this conversation would have more weight.
• There are too many repetitions. The Cosmic Dawn has sure come and changed everything, as we are told multiple times. The news call MC a vigilante with personal motives and his own sence of justice? The doctor, the prison warden and the reporter will relay this information to you, the viewer. The MC will then decide to tie some loose ends, twice.
  Still, there is potential in this story. I wish you luck in finishing it.

[Christopher_Bull]

The only thing I don’t get is why everyone is upset about the criminal being killed since surely someone would be glad he can’t hurt anyone again and the damage he caused so many years ago. I think some people could find the mc useful for some things and turn a blind eye to our justice.

The mc money situation doesn’t make sense unless most of it is inheritance from dead family or stolen from criminals since we fighting them.

The hero team sounds similar to Parents from Unsupervised where the government tried to turn the supers to soldiers to control them. Of course something like that is gonna happen but I’m wondering who else is on the team.

The evil leader of villains reminds me of Mageto from X Men fighting for freedom of their kind from norms. Sooner or later the mc will probably have to pick a side. I wonder how much humanity the mc has left after all this.

Sorry ranting so much but these are my thoughts

[Takashi_Shin]

Damn this hits hard I like dark Justice and I had the same Perfect song playing for it when this fight begin personally this gives me a darker and black feeling on how this fight was going except for bloodier

[LiliArch]

@Kotosinica

The story flip-flops between a movie style camera shots with narration thing and 1st person perspective

Now that I finally got past the camera shots (I can’t help it, I started focusing on camera angles and glazed over the story), it seems to also flip-flop between 1st and 2nd person perspective when it’s not in camera mode.

I like the idea, (although now that the MC was described as “teenage mutant ninja vigilante” I can’t help but picture them as a turtle,) but this narrative style is really confusing. (If it’s how that’s intended, good work on that front.)

[Takashi_Shin]

Personally I think this is just the first start of the story we’re only getting the bits and pieces will understand who our character is when the story negresses I’m defending some of it I do enjoy this story and I like reading it and this is a new writer trying this out I don’t think I character just randomly got better at sword fighting and all these weapons randomly he had experience that means he either went to the military literally or signed up for a group for a bit and then left them from the villains or anti-heroes that one at the team up

[Takashi_Shin]

I have the question I feel like anti-heroes only after the strongest villains pretty much the ones that really can’t be redeemed or anything like that the ones who like the murder the ones who enjoy the suffering and corrupt Heroes that take opportunities to get more people hurt to save people to be like the good guy but in reality are the worst types of human beings

[Christopher_Bull]

I know it’s just the start but I was just giving feedback about it and what I think about it. I didn’t call it bad I just pointed out a few things. I know some of the stuff will be answered soon such as the hero team rooster and how the mc managed to do some of the preparation work since part time work doesn’t explain how it was possible fully

[Takashi_Shin]

I know I accidentally said it the wrong way I was not trying to get you a negative point I was trying to find something missing we haven’t seen before I think the only thing that’s been bothering me is a few things but a lot of it can be fixed up because you guys already said it all but I really have a positive feeling of this story and I just want to see how this is going to play out

[Christopher_Bull]

It’s fine let’s just look forward to how the story develops. It’s off to a solid start

[Takashi_Shin]

Definitely I’m just glad New writers and experiences are being made you got to respect that