New superhero game destined for greatness demo

this is my game demo which i was working on tell me if you like it and if you want your own story added i may include it also it has a lot of grammar errors so im going to fix it later but enjoy

Looks promising, I’m looking forward to how it ends up. As for suggestions how about angel or demon wings for an ability since you had a guardian angel/demon. How many chapters are there going to be, and options for romance?

Its a work in progress but i think i’ll include more romance in it because i think if i can remember at the end you 22-24 so after the apprentice training is done then the romance will begin and you can choose to marry if you want to and have a superkid if you want to still on the drawing board because im going to improve the play to make it deeper

So how long does the hero live anyway since he isn’t human.

The grammar errors tick me off a bit, so I’m glad you’re going to fix them.
I’d like some more detail in the writing, but I suppose I shouldn’t be nagging as it’s still being done.
Is there going to be an option to play as a girl?
Yeah, seconding romance.
It seems very interestin’ so far! I’m looking forward to this!

I like it, it does look promising, though At some point I did click something and it took my back to the first day of school again. So maybe after you edit it and everything, or before like updating it you play through it a little to see if there are any mistakes, or errors you’re getting. Then maybe beta it out :slight_smile:

See i’m developing 3 games at the same time basically this is the backbone of the game now i’m just making the body of it. i’ll try to make an option to play as a girl also i will definitely add more detail and space out the paragraphing the next update will be in 2 or 3 weeks where there will be more detail a little more content and fixes to my bugs and thanx for checkin it out

-air punch-
Then I’d better keep an eye on this! :slight_smile: Good luck!

Well I think its got a good start, You’ve actually got me a bit motivated to try my own hand at a game :slight_smile: So I’ll keep my eye on this one and give you idea’s or maybe help out with whatever is needed.

The concept itself had potential, but the writing, I’m sorry, the writing just makes me cringe. There’s no overarching story, no reasons for character actions, nothing memorable about any of the characters, the setting may as well be a blank sheet of paper, and no reason for the player to care about anything that goes on in the game. I know I seem harsh but with choose your own adventure games writing skill is just as important as programming skills, if not moreso.

“what is so special about your face?”
“fair skin with light features. gain light plus 10”
*k-thunk* (The sound of my head hitting the keyboard)

Okay, so I get the whole facial features making an impact on your character. It can also be nice to see your character fleshed out like that a bit. However, it’s something that has to be handled extremely delicately. White character = Good Guy (even if it’s just in the pretense of what powers you have) is usually enough to make a lot of people start gritting their teeth.

That said and out of the way, you character generation is just too long, and the options too numerous. Brevity is the soul of wit, after all. Eye color, hair color, home planet, all of these feel paper thin. They add nothing to the story, and the choices after them seem like hurdles that need to be jumped just to get to the game. Realistically, you get about three to five choices max to define the PC and world before the player loses interest. Virtually every choice after that needs to move the story along.

That brings up the second point (already mentioned by @13ventrm). There is currently very little story. There is no reason for me to care about the characters, or the plot at all. Remember, Interactive Fiction is, first and foremost, Fiction. Interaction is, while necessary, ultimately secondary to the story. You shouldn’t make a choice every few lines. The fact that it’s a retelling of superman’s story doesn’t make things any better.

All in all, I think things are off to a rather rocky start. The game does get a bit interesting after character generation is over, but if I wasn’t intent on it, I would never have gotten past the age of three or four at the absolute most. A lot of material needs to be cut.

Here are a couple articles you may want to read before continuing:

Wait what? That racial essentialism thing is really there?

Not acceptable.

Wait so when are you adding the choice between male and female superhero/ine?

Heh. When I saw that I thought, “Oh boy I sure hope the evil guy isn’t black… Oh thank goodness he’s a sharkman.”

I think we need to keep in mind though that “Light” in this game already seems to mean “Devout Christian” so… yeah…

I think they need to change it to holy rebalance or kind aura something along that line

Great game, though its seems like your character is overpowered since he can use every power. Maybe there should be a limit the number of powers you can use

Didnt I post this before. It looks like it might’ve been removed…
As I’ve asked before:
Why is there a darkness and light bar if you always end up being a superhero? Even in one of the planets, you pick a guardian and the second one is a demon. It even states there that it raised you to cause havoc. But in the end, you become a superhero.

good point CountDon

Correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t the darkness/light just different powers (standard good/evilish powers)? Although I guess the point still stands on a matter of lack of clarity. (Doesn’t matter if your game is working right, if it doesn’t look like it’s working right, people won’t react to it like it’s working right.)

I thought they were how Christian/Other you were. I mean, they keep mentioning angels and God in the light options.