[WIP] Dark Contract [working title] Dark medieval fantasy


#21

Sorry, first chapter isn’t full finished and those choices aren’t written yet. In the future and hopefully in near one.


#22

This looks like a pretty interesting concept. It’s nice being the all-powerful wishgranting creature for a change; interesting shift from the norm. I’d play the heck out of this if you made it a bit lengthier and added more options on what to do with our spirit powers

  1. I was able to understand what was going on for the most part. Lots of grammer and spelling issues, but nothing an army of editors can’t fix

  2. I feel like you could stand to have more. Maybe have a personality that really likes how peaceful its life became after it became imprisoned and just wants to do its job so it can go back to bed. Or have a personality that is pretty altruistic and tries to use loopholes in order to help people despite their contracts. Just to name a couple

  3. To be honest, chapter 1 didn’t feel “almost finished.” If 1 single interaction is a whole chapter than you need to consider making requests more complicated and take longer for the spirit to figure out.
    As for just chapter 1; have options to resolve the contract with the witch. Examples; do as the witch says and take reward, find loophole to screw over the witch and help family, find loophole to screw over everyone and laugh at them, attempt to break free despite knowing that it will fail and just end up causing no one to get what they want, or tell the witch and the family that you can’t be bothered and just leave.

  4. Appearing to a wide array of different characters, who have equally varied requests and reactions to you; some have good requests, some bad, some with a tragic backstory to justify morally dubious requests and others summoning you just because they’re bored. Some treat you with with awe and respect, others hate and despise you, and some are utterly afraid and expecting you to eat their souls. Just a wide array of characters for the spirit to encounter


#23

So i have an idea. So while you are “Imprisoned” will you have other spirits,mythological creatures or are you in the real world just can’t do anything. And if you do have your own realm can you customize it. I think that sound’s good but that’s just me but otherwise it’s a good story a couple spelling error’s here and their but that’s all i seen good luck writing this story (sorry for my mess)


#24

I don’t have much to add at the moment but I like it :smiley:

looking for ward to the next update


#25

“The boy seemed no older than twelve, but maybe it was because of him short height. Dressed in proper nobleman’s clothes. All color was drained from him skin like snow mixed with ash, dark circles loomed underneath him eyes and him body”

The bolded him’s should’ve been his’ :relaxed:
Also the bolded sentnce seems wrong , it doesn’t really fit being a sentence there .:grin:

You probably should de-sentence (don’t think that’s a word :sweat_smile: ) “Dressed in proper nobleman’s clothes.”


#26

Love It! One of the best WIP by far!Can’t wait for more!


#27

Gender differences:

he - she
him - her
his - hers
his - her

The ones in bold are bound to get confusing. Already happening in the front where they child’s features are described.

Another thing, not really important but I would recommend putting your first chapter in a separate txt file from the main page. Since your *create list might grow into a very long one.


#28

[quote=“Interestedparty”]
This looks like a pretty interesting concept. It’s nice being the all-powerful wishgranting creature for a change; interesting shift from the norm. I’d play the heck out of this if you made it a bit lengthier and added more options on what to do with our spirit powers[/quote]
Shifting forms is one of my favorite powers if given so don’t worry I plan on overusing it.

I plan on adding in later chapter new outer personalities and as MC as a character so will change they inner personalities. As for “first chapter” for now I want to keep it simple and easy.

[quote=“Interestedparty”]To be honest, chapter 1 didn’t feel “almost finished.” If 1 single interaction is a whole chapter than you need to consider making requests more complicated and take longer for the spirit to figure out.
As for just chapter 1; have options to resolve the contract with the witch. Examples; do as the witch says and take reward, find loophole to screw over the witch and help family, find loophole to screw over everyone and laugh at them, attempt to break free despite knowing that it will fail and just end up causing no one to get what they want, or tell the witch and the family that you can’t be bothered and just leave.[/quote]
I’m still figuring out where chapters will start and end. This markings are more like chunks of game that are finished enough to be shown to others. Same story with the witch, two nobles and their child will continue in next chapter.

[quote=“Hellfire”]
So while you are “Imprisoned” will you have other spirits,mythological creatures or are you in the real world just can’t do anything.[/quote]
The word if full of surprises. In next chapter player will learn more about [insert cool name] world. Geographically and culturally it will be different from ours.

[quote="Hellfire] And if you do have your own realm can you customize it. [/quote] Realm where MC is trapped is intangible, everything there is just energy. Plus, when MC is there he can only sleep like said in the beginning.

[quote=“SirLordChris”]
“The boy seemed no older than twelve, but maybe it was because of him short height. Dressed in proper nobleman’s clothes. All color was drained from him skin like snow mixed with ash, dark circles loomed underneath him eyes and him body”

The bolded him’s should’ve been his’ :relaxed:
Also the bolded sentnce seems wrong , it doesn’t really fit being a sentence there .:grin:[/quote]

Thank You My Lord, I’ll obey!

Story of my life. Yes, many sentences should get some makeover. I you have any suggestions, don’t be shy! I’m open for complete destruction for nice sounding sentences.

[quote=“UmbraLamia”]
Gender differences:

he - she
him - her
his - hers
his – her[/quote]

Thank You Master, I’ll obey!

Yes, I know, I just put code in one big one so it’s easier for other to see everything.


#29

Yay I’m a grammar wizard now ! :grin:

Thanks ! :sweat_smile:

Keep up on the game , it’s pretty good :wink:


#30

Just got an error while playing the witch part and letting her speak , instead of shouting QUIET! :

“chapter_1 line 166: Invalid expression , couldn’t extract another token: 'll enjoy killing her but for now I’ll wait for the perfect moment.”

Unfortunately I have no clue on how to fix it , as I haven’t yet gotten into making a game , so good luck ! :sweat_smile:

Also I bolded a 'll , as there is probably an I missing , to form I’ll . :wink:


#31

Well, I learned something new today *if options hate fake_choice. Should be fixed now. .


#32

Oh ok , glad I could help ! :smile:

Also found two more tiny typos while picking three potions : "One form each " and “Three potion of never ending hate”.

Form instead of from , and potion instead of potions . Also you could probably make them potions of never-ending hate (and love) ! :grin:


#33

chapter_1 line 168: Invalid expression, couldn’t extract another token: 's easier to let her burn out without wasting my breath. Maybe then she’ll make some sense.

I got this after chosing : "I’ll enjoy killing her but for now I’ll wait for the perfect moment."
When the witch started to “praise” me.


#34

Strange, how about now? Does it work?


#35

@dreamdragonhatchling
Wow Im mentioned in The demo as a grammar wizard! Tnx for that :grinning: i feel really flattered! :kissing_closed_eyes: i found more grammar that needs a bit fixing:

Making humans shit there (<----There should be their) garments is strangely pleasant. (—Also add here:: its a) Good thing I have no nose.


#36

@dreamdragonhatchling heres some more :blush:i hope you dont mind:

“A flute that can make mortals lose there(<—there should be their) way.” She (add: then) took one(<–one should be it) out of her bag and showed it (the flute, take away it and add the flute). (Which was a wooden flute, adorned with runes on its sides) Made of wood flute was adorned with runes on sides.

You can say, I’m entertaining myself. (Add: Since the) Boredom is (a) cruel mistress.


#37

I’m going to check now…


#38

Yep, it works just right now.


#39

Thanks for feedback!

[quote=“GloriaRose, post:36, topic:15112, full:true”]
@dreamdragonhatchling heres some more :blush:i hope you dont mind:[/quote]
I Love Every Hit My Master! Please Torment me More!


#40

Haha omg xD sure my wip master! I Will do my best! :laughing::joy: