Wardens Call [WIP] complete chapter 6- 70k+ words

[Indiewhale]

I’ve begun work on my new game Wardens’ Call . In it, you play as a young college student thrust into the hidden world of mystical creatures.

• Do you wonder if this had ever happened to anyone else? From what was supposed to be a normal day had now turned with some 12-foot tall robot thing coming for your throat. They say the world is a pretty big place, does that include strange monsters, mystical objects, a secret society, and evil beings lurking in the dark just waiting to eat you up too? Experience the mystical world of the supernatural as you are forced into a broken order dedicated to protecting the realm. It’s time for you to heed the Wardens’ Call!
• Romance your fellow Wardens as you try to clear your name by finding the very criminal that started this! Just try not to get too banged-up on your job as a Warden, else you may not survive.
• One of five weapons call for you, which one matches your soul I wonder? Can you maintain an attunement to unlock the secrets buried with it?
• Play as male, female, or non-binary but still human among a world of elves, demons, and others. All of this in the world of modern times! Want magic cellphones that will never break again? You got it!

https://dashingdon.com/go/5343
Currently,
It’s about (49%, 6 Chapters, 70k+ Words) done, and I plan on updating!
Updated- the complete chapter 6 has been added, minor touch-ups to chapter 4, and took the suggestions mentioned in the introduction chapter(love it).

I don’t need to put a new link once i update the game right? Took a look at the link and it has the same words as the other one and i just like… i don’t understand computer stuff ok.

Ok! In case you don’t know, this is my first time making a game! This includes code so hopefully, I meet my quota set, otherwise, I’ll just update with what I have. This game is a slow burn type of game. It may get more, um, gruesome as time goes on. This is just a warning, for now, as of right now it isn’t.

[memory capsule of my first post here, ugh]
Hey! So I’m not great at introductions but bear with me. I’m a lurker of the site for about 2 years now and I decided to make a game myself. I initially thought to go very small but once I got determined it may have passed a normal definition of…small and wow did I have to work to figure out the errors.

[Harley_Robin_Evans]

Sounds interesting I’ll play it later

[Takashi_Shin]

I love the story and all the hard work you put into it and three chapters no less so I’m guessing you put a lot of work into it for two years of being here

[needs-to-be-loved]

Firstly, good luck on your wip and have fun writing.

So many screenshots… I could only reach half of the second chapter and have so many screenshots:

Low and High Level Feedback (probably too many)

I believe you haven’t had much care about capitalization while writing, so I didn’t point out those stuff since it was basically everywhere.
Also, there were some grammatical issues I didn’t include.
Overall, I like what you’re doing. I am interested in the idea how this world is blend with technology, like they have phones but also have swordfighting and such. I would like to learn more as we go deeper into the story.

However I think it needs so much polishing.

Looking forward to see where this wip goes. Good luck

[Megus]

It is an interesting read so far. Color me intrigued for more.

As for any critiques.

It seems you are jumping from first to third person quite a lot, and while I can follow the story, it messes with the flow causing the reader to puzzle out what is going on.

Another thing is, the transition between characters. You place characters conversing within a paragraph, when they should be spaced out to not confuse the reader on who is talking.

The final thing i will say is, some scenes feel rushed and somewhat incomplete.

For instance, the whole introduction to the fantasy world, it didn’t feel like we as both the player and character had time to soak in the atmosphere befere the scene transitioned.

Sorry if any of that come off as too harsh. i really enjoyed myself with what you have, i just think it could be better.

[needs-to-be-loved]

No no no… I wasn’t expecting to having a dream about it when I started reading. What is this story!?!?!?

[Indiewhale]

i shall take this as a compliment

and thanks for the feedback! you are correct in that i didnt care too much for capitalization and focusing on grammar too much. I planned to fix it all up when i was finished with the story. But the massive amount of feedback does help!

[Indiewhale]

Don’t worry, you weren’t harsh at all! The feedback you gave me matched with my own concerns over the story so now i know that someone else can also see it!

The introduction to the fantasy world is meant to feel somewhat rushed but not completely so i’ll keep a tab on that now.

[Joao_Marcos]

I liked it, the story is very interesting. I’m waiting for the final version.

[Indiewhale]

[New thread]
I’ve begun work on my new game Wardens’ Call. In it, you play as a young college student thrust into the hidden world of mystical creatures.

• Do you wonder if this had ever happened to anyone else? From what was supposed to be a normal day had now turned with some 12-foot tall robot thing coming for your throat. They say the world is a pretty big place, does that include strange monsters, mystical objects, a secret society, and evil beings lurking in the dark just waiting to eat you up too? Experience the mystical world of the supernatural as you are forced into a broken order dedicated to protecting the realm. It’s time for you to heed the Wardens’ Call!

• Romance your fellow Wardens as you try to clear your name by finding the very criminal that started this! Just try not to get too banged-up on your job as a Warden, else you may not survive.

• One of five weapons call for you, which one matches your soul I wonder? Can you maintain an attunement to unlock the secrets buried with it?

• Play as male, female, or non-binary but still human among a world of elves, demons, and others. All of this in the world of modern times! Want magic cellphones that will never break again? You got it!

https://dashingdon.com/go/5343
Currently,
It’s about (30%, 5 Chapters, 40k+ Words) done, and I plan on updating every month.

Ok! In case you don’t know, this is my first time making a game! This includes code so hopefully, I meet my quota set, otherwise, I’ll just update with what I have. This game is a slow burn type of game. It may get more, um, gruesome as time goes on. This is just a warning, for now, as of right now it isn’t.

Anyway!
So I think I’m getting used to the forum format of this, hopefully, this looks alright and explains juuuuust enough. I plan on moving away from, a set chapter to update, system so I won’t have to make another thread, just in case.

[UPDATE CORNER]
This is now 5 chapters long. That’s two more chapters than last time! I gave it a quick edit which I will give it a more in-depth one later(most likely when I have it done). A majority of the grammar issues should be cleared, otherwise the two grammar checkers I use did nothing. Fixed the whole walls of text issue I felt like I had but I may have gone overboard.

Problems that remain.
I’m still not able to wrap my head on getting the stats menu to be an actual menu. I’ll keep trying. I’ve come across a new concern, and it is ballooning choices. As this is my first attempt, I am unsure if some choices or ideas are safe enough to not destroy me from ballooning. We’ll see. There are definitely parts where I wanna rewrite after reading through them but I’ll save that for after the chapters are finished.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble!
To play the demo, go here:https://dashingdon.com/go/5343

[Indiewhale]

Didn’t know that was possible but thanks Eiwynn!

[Terrell_Williams]

Welcome back @Indiewhale

[endmeleef]

To add on to @Megus 's critique, there seems to be a lot of abrupt switching between present and past tense which makes the story kinda hard to read. Good stuff overall, though.

[Indiewhale]

OMG, I completely forgot to fix that.

[Violas_Uiop]

Kupo?

[Indiewhale]

ah, I see someone got my reference!

[MichaelVdA]

I love the originality of your WIP and I definitely think it’s gonna be something great in the future! That being said, you can’t keep postponing the rewriting of your text. If you already have made mistakes in the past with grammar, chances are that you’re gonna have to use your grammar checker again. It’s double work… But if inspiration comes to mind, don’t hesitate to write it down. My former English teachers would’ve failed me horribly if I wrote this (but the grammar is correct as far as I know ). Anyways, you can’t rush greatness, only failure. Again I super duper love the story!!! My apologies if I’m being too harsh (In my opinion, I really am ) and if you need help, I can only offer you my skills.

[Indiewhale]

Thanks! and to the offer of your help, hmmmmm. We’ll see…