I’m not good with long passages, so I’m gonna do my best to keep this short. I am attempting to create a fantasy game(Swords and Sorcery style) in a modern(ish) world. I don’t have much so far (it’s only 1,201 words) The background Chapter 0 and the first chapter is all I have done, but I wanted to post it here to see what people think.
Bit of a critique; it was hard to know who exactly was speaking at times. I would recommend starting a new paragraph whenever a new speaker begins talking. But otherwise it was an interesting start. I hope you will continue.