Wardens Call [WIP] complete chapter 6- 70k+ words

It’s great overall IMO, I will be looking forward to it, though I just wanna point out a thing or two.

I am not an expert writer but I think you should refrain from using the same words in one sentence. I’ve come across several of such. Good luck with your project :heart:

Word: figure

I’m no expert writer either, this is my first time writing something that isn’t a college essay. The problem with that scene is that I wanted to keep some parts of it mysterious! Using the word “figure” was a way to keep the two characters in an air of vagueness. I had only two other words that I felt conveyed that, which is “person” or “thing”.

Those two words felt a little weird and it felt weirder when I mixed them in. This isn’t to say that I don’t get what you mean. I very much agree with you in this, but unless I can figure out some way to rewrite it while keeping it mysterious, this might stay as is.

I’m thinking of just saying the gender of the person instead of just keeping it unknown. Maybe that will still keep the air of mystery since I didn’t outright say the name? Honestly, I’m open to any suggestions on that.

“Them” might be a possible solution to it. I don’t think it’s revealing anything, for the word “figure”, I mean in this context.


No chapter update for July. I didn’t meet my quota :\

I’ve made progress of course!.. just not much. I’ve come up with some ideas to tie my story points together, it’s just… I couldn’t get into the mood to write the chapter for this month, but I managed to go back and give a little more of a focused edit on the earlier chapters. Hopefully August will be more productive in the writing department.

Though considering that I’m going back for the fall semester… No, It’ll be fine! Hopefully!

… Maybe I should change my quota? :sweat_smile:


Updated- the beginning of chapter 6 has been added, minor touch-ups to chapter 4, and took the suggestions mentioned in the introduction chapter(love it).

I don’t need to put a new link once i update the game right? Took a look at the link and it has the same words as the other one and i just like… i don’t understand computer stuff ok.

Some other stuff.
My college classes feel like they are going pretty well! We are doing stuff online due to the whole covid stuff and it feels like everyone is taking it seriously. I am still having trouble on the stats screen so i might ask for help on that. I plan to go over and re-write chapter 5-6 during my lulls.
I plan on watching some videos on creative writing as i think that actually interests me now too!


This is a really cool

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lol that was fun

i like how kalleth just eats almost everything infront of him lmao

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the big boy needs those carbs :smile:


Gotta say I thoroughly enjoyed this :joy: maybe it’s my sleep deprived brain but this had me laughing at parts too :joy: overall good job!

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Thanks! I was a little concerned if i was putting too much of my own humour in this so i was contemplating how much to scale back on it. Seeing as there are some peeps who share my sense of humour, I think I’ll leave some of it in. (on parts already written anyway.) :rofl:

The story is imaginative, even if the title did make me think of Dragon Age. The characters are dynamic, and contrast nicely, but be careful they don’t disrupt the story itself. There is a big difference between side characters interacting in the background and their interactions driving the story. If you not careful how you write it the scenes aren’t so much ‘driven’ as ‘disrupted’. It did feel that scenes were rushed at points, but this felt like it was more due to the fact you are pushing yourself to finish the plot. Don’t short-change yourself. :slight_smile: Flesh-out scenes are a pain to write but more enjoyable to read.

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Sorry for the late reply, school is the final stretch :sweat_smile:!

I didn’t even notice the Dragon Age connection until now! maybe I should insert another reference but for that game somewhere down the line… But thanks on the input on the “driven and. disrupted”! Unintentionally, I’ve been trying to flesh out a romance scene. Imagining romance is far easier than writing multiple paths for it to my shock…

But if All goes well then hopefully I can finish chapter 6 by November. I really am happy that you liked the characters, my philosophy in storytelling is that no matter the plot, if the character/s aren’t fun then the story isn’t as fun.


Just wondering, will there be saving feature available?

I want to say yes, i really do. The thing is, I am still having a tough time making the stats screen work so i have high doubts i can get a save system to work ; w ;
If i can get it to work, great! but i can’t make you any promises on that.


Chapter 6 is done after so much trouble trying to figure out how to do this scene! ; w ;
Anyway, this chapter is Luz focused, hopefully my grammarly caught any errors. And hey, halfway there to being done! (wordcount that is! not plot!)


yo just played it its fire​:fire::fire::fire::fire: keep it up

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Oi @Indiewhale are ya gonna add save system?!?

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Yes everyone wonder if this happens. It is so amazing that a 12-foot tall robot thing coming for your throat.

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The story is very interesting but it kinda feels off and weird for some reason…

This feels kinda like omniscient perspective and it’s very damn irritating, it’s like MC knows everything without knowing anything at all (if that makes sense). In MC perspective the talk goes 'bout Aegises when they don’t even know anything 'bout the strange world, same with story going in MC’s perspective when MC is unconscious…

Like this damned thing for example, does MC even knows 'bout her (the Overseer Arch-Warden, I think) rank to talk 'bout like it’s a high rank? (I don’t know lol maybe I’m irritated and everything here looks weird 'cause of that).

Lol I chose, ‘fear kept me awake’ and the text says that MC is awake and thinking and next when bang comes, it says the nap came to an early end?


Oi @Indiewhale

It’s a HERD not heard

kneeled not knelled

burst not bust

Damn, I must’ve gone crazy, who’s Alex exactly?!?

It’s crouch which means to bend down or stoop low, while crotch means a person’s genitalia area.

And extremely sorry if I seem rude, it’s not my intended result…