Walking the lands of the dead (Mythology WIP) Updated 15th July

Elysium and the Asphodel Fields are forbidden to you, as one who’s heart still beats," he says emotionlessly, gesturing to the doors with green and white inscriptions.

whose

As you allow the water to run over your palm, you note it seems almost oily in consistency. Closing your eyes, you allow a few drops to fall from your fingers into your mouth.

{b}The world spins.


Stats

Name: Orpheus, son of Apollo.

Location: Hecate’s Crossroads.

Frame of Mind: Cautious.

Vitality: Healthy.

Quest: In search of your lost love Eurydice, dead before her time.

Hunger: Ravenous.

Thirst: Parched.

Contracts: None.

Items Carried: |Your precious lyre, gifted to you by Apollo.| |A purse full of coins.|

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Thanks @Fiend!

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Thank you to everyone who has voted so far, that’s really helpful. I’m leaving the polls open for now, so any new readers I’d love you to vote so I know whether to move anything around :slight_smile:

Just a note, there is completely different content available depending on if you go through the blue or red door. I’m trying to give this one some distinct replayability with different paths to your destination.

No new content yet, but I have gone through and fixed a whole heap of typos and a few bugs I had missed. (I’m sure there’s more, I’ll keep fixing as I find them.)

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The game has now been updated for about 8.5k words :slight_smile:
(Now about 64500 words.)

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Can I ask if the readers who didn’t find they didn’t have enough time to solve the fire symbol at the crossroads had the voice in their head? I’m wondering if that is what has caused the difficulty to be increased a bit too high, or if it’s too hard for 25% of readers across the board regardless of whether you have the oneoiri or not? (If it’s just for the oneoiri I can adjust the difficulty separately.)

I really liked this. I enjoyed having so many different gods and creatures to encounter, as well as the description and imagery of the underworld itself. I’m curious what endings there will be – right now the MC is still trying to find Leonidas, but the longer she stays the more entangled she becomes, and I could see good and bad endings happening because of that.

Typos

The underworld is dangerous for one whose heart still beats, and you will find it full of denizens which at times may be benevolent, but more often hostile to your cause.
It looks like “which” should be “who” since it reads like you’re describing the denizens as benevolent. Add “are” before “hostile” as well if that’s the case.

You can still recall how his green eyes sparkled with mirth, while he ran his fingers through his short dark hair.
I’m not sure there needs to be a comma here.

You clutch the lyre given to you by your father Apollo tightly, its perfect sounds ringing out through the agora as you sing once more of your lost Leonidas.
This part was confusing at first because there’s no transition from being in the field on the day of the wedding to being at the agora in the present.

“Why must you continue to address me as such after all these years? That may have been the name you gave me, but none call me any longer except you.”
Add “that” after “call me”.

You flop into one of the couches, while your guest paces the tiled floor. Apollo combs fingers through his long golden hair, while his blue eyes are clouded with concern.
I don’t think either of these sentence should have commas either, although you might want to reword one to avoid the repititon of using “while” in the same paragraph.

“But none who are living may enter the realm of the dead. Besides, I don’t even know where the path to the Palace of Hades lies,” you reply despondently
Add a period at the end.

Servants have left food and water ready for your arrival before no doubt scared from the building by the presence your father.
Perhaps you should mention the food, water, and coins when Apollo first brings the MC into the room so there’s more description to the setting and don’t seem to appear out of nowhere.

Forge on, enduring wound made by the savage plants. You don’t want to risk damage to your lyre. You’ll likely need it again before this journey is over.
Add “the” after “enduring”.

“Show yourself”
Add a period or exclamation mark at the end.

“Cowards, to stalking from the shadows. Show yourself or be gone!” you demand.
Should “stalking” be “stalk”?

"I’m looking for someone called Leonidas.
Add a quotation mark at the end.

The presence in your mind stirs sluggishly before quieting once again almost as if being in this house has had a sedative effect on it. Ask Hecate what she knows of it."
Remove the quotation mark.

I see the God of Light and I rarely speak; especially these days given I spend most of my time down here beyond his reach.
Is the “I see” part supposed to part of this sentence?

Contracts: None. |You bargained with Hypnos for your release. In return, you promised to prepare a scrifice of herbs and flowers sacred to the god of sleep.|
In the stats screen – “scrifice” should be “sacrifice”.

Stats

Name: Myrrine, daughter of Apollo.

Location: Hecate’s Crossroads.

Frame of Mind: Heroic.

Vitality: Healthy.

Quest: In search of your lost love Leonidas, dead before his time.

Hunger: Hungry.

Thirst: Very dehydrated.

Contracts: None. |You bargained with Hypnos for your release. In return, you promised to prepare a scrifice of herbs and flowers sacred to the god of sleep.|

Items Carried: |Your precious lyre, gifted to you by Apollo.| |A purse full of coins.| |An enchanted silver necklace.|

Visited the night realm and encountered the oneoiri.

Locations undiscovered: 9, 10, 11, 13, 14

Looking forward to the next chapter and possibly meeting Persephone. :relaxed:

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Thanks for all the feedback and typo pick ups @expectedoperator! Really appreciate it :slight_smile:

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For my second playthrough I went through the door of fire. I liked talking to Prometheus, and the longer length of this path overall, but I enjoyed the interactions with Lethe and Hypnos more. I think it’s due to how both can possibly have an impact on the MC that will continue to affect them even after they leave the underworld (with Hypnos seeking a contract and Lethe taking memories).

I liked the puzzle with the fire symbol, although I thought it was somewhat too easy – I wasn’t entirely sure what I was doing, but perhaps because I had been warned by Prometheus I was able to solve it with time to spare. I also enjoyed the interaction with Tantalus, especially when contrasting his hunger/thirst to the MC’s and how the story and stats page always reminds the player of the food and water they need.

A few more typos I saw

“How can you be so sure there is no other way across.”
Change the period to a question mark.

“I have no wish to make deals to you.” Approach the silent woman instead.
The second “to” should be “with”.

A certain servant of mine, Zotikos was his name; spilled oil over the steps of my house causing me to have a rather fatal fall.
I think the semicolon should be a comma.

“I will take you where you need to go. If any doubt me, feel free to take the ore for yourself.”
“ore” should be “oar”.

A hot, dry breeze, carrying the faint scent of ash eddies around the darkened tunnel.
Remove the comma after “breeze”.

Though his voice is harsh with pain, you can detect no trace of anger of deception in his voice.
Should this be “anger or deception”?

Many of them were sent here to keep them from causing harm, but not me…
Perhaps change the first “them” to “Titans” to make it clearer about who was sent.

Zeus planned it that way, for without the gods help you’d be nothing.
Add an apostrophe after “gods”.

Sometimes you cannot trust what is in front of your own eyes. “He makes a shooing motion.
The quotation mark here needs to be straight instead of curly, and it needs to be put after “eyes”.

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Thank you again for all the typo pick ups @expectedoperator! It’s great to hear your thoughts on the the different sections and the puzzle as well.

The puzzle section is a bit tricky to manage. I didn’t want to frustrate readers by making it so that it could take a few playthroughs to get the right choices, but didn’t want it to be super easy either. Definitely I agree if you listen to what Prometheus says it hopefully makes it easier but I still seem to be getting a pretty good split between readers who think it’s about right and those who think it’s too hard. Can I ask if you hard the Oneoiri on board for the second playthrough? They can make that puzzle harder to solve than if you don’t have them.

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I did not have the oneoiri with me for the second playthrough, but I just did another quick playthrough with them and reached the crossroads.

Since I knew not to listen to them/pick their option they didn’t have much impact. If you do want to make it a bit more difficult, perhaps the oneoiri could suggest in the narration an option that sounds very helpful but only wastes time. Or maybe you could have them agree with Prometheus, which could cause the player to become suspicious of the titan and his advice and possibly do the opposite – it’d also further tie in with Prometheus’ words about trust and the dangers of the underworld. :thinking:

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Those are some great ideas. Thanks @expectedoperator :slight_smile:

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