Looks like it could be interesting but it’s a bit short still to tell. There’re a lot of long pages with not many choices but that’s not necesarily a bad thing, just not exactly my style. You seem to get really touchy feely with the engineer really fast if you try to… I’m all for raunchy, but it seems kinda out of nowhere. Like, they ask why they should trust you and you kiss them? Wha?
Minor update: i’ve corrected the bugs. Here is the new link:
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/dfksstnz9ftqfcf/trained%20to%20kill(1).html?dl=0
Yeah, I wanted the first chapter to mainly build up the player characters stats and so i’ve made it so that all the choices in chapter one impact on your stats in some way.
As for getting physical with this so-called philosopher, i’ve put that option in so that people can behave in a flirtatious manner if they wish; especially as this person is a romance option. But perhaps I should tone it down a little?
It just seems kind of out of place. Like, they just escaped some guards and they’re asking you why they should trust you…
1 Like
don`t know if one of the first things that anyone would want too is kiss the person that had a gun too them not too long before.
should slow that down some romeo?
other then that fight sceen`s are good if a bit messy (i lots track of who was where doing what)
I liked the story so far but the sentence structure was strange, It makes it hard to read.
I agree with @redhead222 I lost track of people during the fight scene, I had to re read it to understand.
I dunno if it’s a chache problem or something, but I’m still seeing the game act like I killed those guys I just knocked unconscious down stairs.
If you choose the so-called philosopher as male there are quite some instances where you refer to him as if he were female. That and that I am suddenly confronted with puddles of blood and corpses, even though I didn’t kill anyone. Oh, and that the so-called philosopher is covering his ears, while I didn’t fire the gun(s) even once.
@shoelip and @Cecilia_Rosewood i’ll have a look and try to resolve these errors tonight.
As for @redhead222 and @Wolfsra what is making you lose track of the people in the fight scenes and what can I change to help you keep track of those people?
its somewhat hard too explain. the fight scene you have ether for sneak or otherwise. its some what hard too tell who your attacking and what goon 1, 2 and 3 are doing.
if i read that scene right i get you grab 2, stun or something 3 and then do something too 2 again too take out 1.
however it is somewhat unclear sometime what it is your doing and too who. and also what they are doing is not totaly clear too.
now i understand it`s a chaotic scene and maybe your what too transfer that too us the reader. but doing that make it unclear whats going on.
1 Like
ok so tried the dropbox and it just gives me the 401, am i the only one?
@jonnyboy666 Sorry about that. I’ve updated the link… Try it now:
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/oqf11pqd1wa8xs7/Trained%20to%20Kill.html?dl=0