The Winter Child (WIP) [small update 2 Dec '16]


#1

I’m back! There will be a new update within the week, and weekly updates from here on out. I’m free! I’m finally free from the tyranny of school!!


You’ve gotten yourself into a very…sticky situation (No thanks to your little sister). When the chips are down and you and your sister are dying, what’s left for you to do but to make a deal?

Now, you’re subject to the whims and fancies of a winter spirit that seems to have a screw or two loose and an agenda you can only guess at. How much worse can your situation get?

Apparently, a lot worse.


It’s a character-driven fantasy game that starts off in a world very similar to ours and spirals off into a hopefully epic adventure featuring:

  1. Homicidal winter spirits
  2. Moonlight larceny
  3. ‘Magic’
  4. Friendly spirits
  5. Not so friendly spirits
  6. Nice scenery??
  7. Mr Anderson
  8. People generally say the storyline is good??? (Thank you!) (Reading your kind comments and honest feedback fills me with determination.)

What I have here is the first few chapters, which set up the premise.
https://dashingdon.com/play/Mystjerne/the-winter-child/mygame/

Please leave feedback! Is it too slow to start? Too wordy? Are there weird parts that make you cringe? Is there a typo that managed to escape Spellcheck?

Suggestions for the rest of the game are welcome.

All pronoun changes eg. We to I to You, are completely intentional. Make of that what you will.


My top WIPs as of right now
#2

Hahaha ha Mr. Anderson how I want to watch the Matrix
I can’t post a video from my phone but I can post a image


#3

That reference was unintentional haha


#4

@Mystjerne i really liked the flow of this story and well so far i like it! :wink: Cant wait for more, and more jack time since hes creeply fun.


#5

Thank you for your comment!:smile: I was starting to think nobody liked it OTL

Jack will be featuring a lot in the subsequent chapters! He wants to stick close to his new lacke- I mean, partner afterall :wink:


#6

Oh, this is a very interesting game! Just a few things I’d like to mention after playing the demo a few times:

  1. The gender choice. I understand why you would want to set it up like that, but speaking as a female who would much rather wear pants (especially in cold weather!) I feel like the choice should be done in another way unrelated to clothing choice. Perhaps through how another character would refer to them? Many games I’ve seen used Miss vs Mister, sister vs brother, daughter vs son, etc to establish gender.

  2. I was pleasantly surprised that there were Chinese and Japanese names to choose from that I didn’t have to type in myself. That said, it’s a little weird for Li Hua/Yukiko’s sister to be called “Seraphina”. From my experience, either both siblings have Chinese/Japanese names or both have English names. It’s just a little nitpick though, because I’m not sure whether the name Seraphina itself will be important to the plot or not, and I’m sure it’ll be rather troublesome to code for multiple names, but I’d just like to point it out anyway.

  3. I like that “Yukiko” is a name choice; it’s pretty ironic - did you choose it because of its meaning?

  4. Several times towards the end of the game, Jack calls the player character “MC”. Is that intentional?

  5. I somehow managed to scare myself with the player character I created with some of the choices… I think I understand the pronoun changes now. I have to say, I’m really excited to see where that goes!

In any case, I look forward to seeing how the game progresses!


#7

I really like the story so far, its very interesting and I can’t wait for more! But I was also wondering if you had noticed that when referring to the mother you use both British(Mum) and American(Mom) spellings in the story?


#8
  1. Okay, I’ll think about changing it :slight_smile: now that I think about it, it does seem kind of weird to wear a skirt in winter…

  2. At this point, I’m not too sure if the name Seraphina will end up being important to the plot. After I work out some more details, I might change your sister’s name in relation to your own.

  3. and 4. Yep, 100% intentional. :slight_smile: I’m glad somebody noticed it! Jack referring to you as an MC is a plot point. Afterall, in a town like Reina there are bound to be people out in the woods after school. Why single out the two of you to freeze to death? :slight_smile:

(5) If I say anything, I’ll spoil everything :slight_smile:


#9

Oops :sweat_smile: (rushes to change)


#10

this is good story so far cant wait too see more


#11

I really appreciate that, thank you :grin:


#12

I refused to play with my sister, and thus avoided the blizzard. I consider this the good ending.

I did spot some bugs:
I chose Allen, but was called Jamie;
When I reminisce at the start, it says “Her friend had rushed tor to find and tell you”;
In class, Carrie is called Cassie (or Cassie is called Carrie everywhere else).


#13

How could you refuse the request of your adorable little sister :disappointed: Seraphina wants to play! Clearly, I need to make her more adorable so nobody will refuse her requests :smiling_imp:
I couldn’t decide between the two names (Carrie/Cassie) and it shows, haha.
Thanks for informing me about the bugs and typos! :slight_smile:


#14

She almost got me detention. She can live without playing in the snow (literally, in this case).

More typos, from the rest of the story:
“he’s got another thing coming” should be “he’s got another think coming”;
and is my surname really supposed to be “SEXY”?
Also, if you want a string in all caps, use: !!{name}. (!{name} capitalises the first character.)


#15

:grin: Yes, yes it is, Mr SEXY. :kissing_heart:

On a more serious note, no. I’ll put in surnames later.

Did you find CRAZY MODE fun? I had a lot of fun writing that scene :smile:


#16

I thought of her adorable in the beginning and up until she almost got me killed. But it’s a great idea


#17

gasp Another person who has managed to escape the wiles of your cute younger sibling! This is a tragedy! I must rectify this.:imp:

Unless you count getting out of the blizzard alive as ‘getting out of almost being killed’. Jack disagrees with that and reminds you that he can kill you with his little finger and a thought.


#18

Huh. Interesting.

There’s a CRAZY MODE? I’ll have to go find it and see what it’s like.

EDIT: Aha, I think I found it. I also found a coding error:

You begin chanting. “I AM THE GREAT {Name}, AND I CAN DROPKICK YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!”


#19

It’s not an actual mode yet! I just thought it would be fun if there was an option that would make your character love screaming and shouting and general violence but not be a bad person.
The beginnings of it is in the dream sequence, and you’ve probably seen it and not clicked on it. (it’s not the switching pronouns thing). Have fun!


#20

Oops, forgot to put in that ‘$’. Thanks!