Hi Everyone,
This is a WIP I have going based on a celtic fairy tale about a child that is promised to a mermaid in exchange for their father becoming a successful fisherman. (I know, I know it sounds weird but bear with me). Obviously once he/she finds out, they decide to go on an adventure to escape the mermaid and find fame and fortune if they can.
The beginning of the story doesn’t have a lot of choices to start with as I need to set the tale up from the point of view of the father, then it’ll revert to being a more typical choice game. The first chapter is a little on the linear side, again will probably be fixed later in the story as it fans out a bit. Only the first part is done (about 10,000 words or so). I’m not planning on it being super long or branching. (Probably 100,000 words at the max although who knows).
Just as an aside. Draconic Challenges is still definitely being worked on, it’s probably about another 20-30,000 words up from the last update but it needs some links written in and proof reading before it’ll get updated. I know I shouldn’t have two WIP’s going at once, but I really felt like writing this down so here it is.
Any/all/good/bad feedback, comments or bugs welcome and very appreciated (bearing in mind the above restrictions about lack of choices in the first chapter). Sorry the save system seems broken at the moment. I’ll see if I can get it working again later (I think I know what’s wrong with it).
There are two folklore tales related to your story here I am aware of; the first is an Irish tale much like yours and the second a Spanish folklore tale about a village of fishermen morphing into merpeople …
It’s not often that I play a game that involves Selkies (at least, that’s the type of merfolk I thought was being presented). Looking forward to seeing the rest of the story and where it may lead.
Will there be other types of mythical creatures the main character will meet at some point? And will the Selkie woman interact subtly with the main character as a child in the beginning as well?
Also, it says “error Bad Slot: has smPlugin been included” on the save slots.
I love the look of this WIP, old stories and fairy tales are just my favorite! @Jacic
So I’m extremely excited for this to be continued! Keep up the great work!!!
@COGZealot@faewkless Aww thanks guys! You’re so nice. Sorry I’ve been a bit MIA, have a lot going on recently which has kind of sent me into semi lurker-ish mode. Hopefully I can be around more soon.
@Eiwynn Thanks I haven’t seen those, I’ll have to hunt them up and have a look.
@Okami-Nora Yeah sorry about the save system. I’ve messed up the coding, will try and get it working with the next update (I think I know what I’ve done to break it). Yes the mermaid from the start of the book will be turning up again in various ways and there will be some other mythical creatures from the folk tale making an appearence as well
The Muriel name is bugged. If you choose Muriel (the same name as the old lady from Courage the cowardly dog) , the game doesn’t call you Muriel.
Is there a reason why everything is so specific? The game only lets MC choose between a few narrowly defined appearances so MC can’t be short, athletic, dark skinned with curly hair or any other unavailable apperance combo. MC can like fish or be a vegeterian, but can’t be a fish-hating meat eater. Scottish MC can’t have long straightened hair. I really don’t care about definining MC’s apperance ( except maybe if it changes the story), but it does break my immersion when the character isn’t described how I imagine them.
My thoughts on the dad character:
I think the dad is dumb. The dad had nine-ish months before the baby was born to try to solve the mermaid problem and waited until the baby was born to try to talk to the mermaid. The same thing happened 20 years later when he waited until the last day to do something. He seems to know little about mermaids, so he probably hasn’t been doing research. He could have traveled a little with his money and seen how far he could go before the mermaid’s fish powers stopped working. If he fished in a bathtub and still caught a lot of fish, their powers work with all water and the mermaid wasn’t manually putting all of the fish in the net(but, mermaid knew about the baby, so she probably does have some dry land seer powers or something). He probably didn’t try to talk to any adventurers or libraries about mermaids. He has been rich for a long time, but only had 100 coins to show for it. He could have switched to goat farming or something to maintain his wealth after fishing or at least not spent all but 100 coins of his wealth. But, after spending 20 years with him, MC knows her dad is crazy and understands why he made the deal, but not his actions afterwards, but is unsuprised and neutral about him as an in character Muriel would be.
Your writing is good but you didn’t gave me any character personality options. I can’t play a evil ruthless character with your choices all are compassionate. And for instance dad teaching me fight . I would love a could think Why is he teaching me this?! I am a girl not his damn squire. Physical choices for girls there is no curvy sexy option. You don’t have to add branches just small flavour text to improve role-playing. Also a small boost stats choice about what you love do in your chilhood could be great . Like I love gossip and chat with everyone… or i love reading etc…
@squarelyblue I don’t think so since it’s following the basic premise of the fairy tale. As far as I’ve gotten with the outline, the prince/princess which you haven’t met yet will definitely be one
@faewkless lol you like to live dangerously don’t you
@Sovereign2Lilith Thanks for finding that, I’ll see if I can fix the name bug.
The specific features thing was mainly for text flow. You’re right though, I can add an extra option for anyone who wants to get super specific and make up their appearence step by step from scratch. To be honest it probably wont affect the story too much beyond flavour text. Again the fish/vegetarian thing was for simplicity and text flow. (For the record I don’t eat fish myself, so I do get what you’re saying). It’s mainly so I don’t make vegetarians eat meat filled meals at any point in the story if they don’t want to.
I agree with you that the father doesn’t appear to be the brightest light in the harbor (Or maybe he’s just the bury his head in the sand type). In the fairy tale this is what he does though. In fact it’s kind of worse, he keeps putting the mermaid off by saying “Whoops I forgot to bring the child today. Can I have a few more years please?” each time the deadline is up. He waits until his son is almost 20 before taking any kind of real action and only because his son insists on knowing what has been bothering him.
@poison_mara That’s definitely do-able You need to be able to handle a weapon for events later in the book but I can change it around a bit to make it more personalised.
I know you’re planning on adding variety later, so my points might be addressed then, but I thought I’d make them anyway I have a suggestion, when your father is apologizing to you, the two options seem too polarizing. Maybe you could include other options like:
-Give me some time.
-I honestly don’t know if I can forgive you or not
-You have to earn my forgiveness
etc.
Also adding some choices about how you feel about being forced into it. Instead of just wanting to be a fisherman or being excited about the possibility of travel, add some more in between ones, and maybe ones with more anger/horror.
-still in shock that your father would make that deal in the first place
horrified that you’ll be separated from everything you know and love
-you didn’t want to be a fisherman, but you don’t want to live out your days underwater either
-etc.
One thing that nags at me though is the grouping of the body types, hair colour and skin colours. It would be nice to have them as individual choices, but that’s my preference for character customisation.
I adore the Grey gelding, my heart is 100% set on that creature, I hope there’s more caring and loving options/scenes to nurse it to health again. Likewise for taming the black Stallion/ bonding with him. I love animals, can you tell??? geez
I haven’t seen those, I’ll have to hunt them up and have a look.
)
I have a suggestion, when your father is apologizing to you, the two options seem too polarizing. Maybe you could include other options like: