Thank you for this work, as someone way over 30, i can say life goes on ( still not old, you know) despite what general media and society wants us to believe. I also want to say i LOVE the ROs being jerks, i love trashmen and we have very few of them in COGs ( sorry about my english) i will keep an eye on this wip
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I’ll be honest with you, no hate against the author or their writing in the slightest, but I don’t even register that there’s romance in this story at all. There are two COG games of this sort (this “sort” being, “random dude gets snatched up by criminals and forced to work for them”) that I’ve played (both about space pirates, if I’m not mistaken), and they both introduced the intended ROs in a similar way that this story did - them more or less taking the protagonist hostage - and I find nothing romantic about that. So for me, this story is less a sexy heist story and more an “escape from hostage scenario” simulator.
Likewise, I don’t exactly feel swayed by the arguments the story is presenting for why I should want to find them attractive:
“Your significant other cheated on you” - bummer, but I’ll live. They’re one person, and if I didn’t matter enough to them to stay faithful, then it’s probably for the best that the relationship is done, rather than it continuing on and potentially getting worse. That doesn’t make me want to climb in bed with the nearest Daniel Ocean lookalike, though.
“Your job sucks and all your coworkers hate you” - One word: Retail. If I’m still willing to abide by the laws after suffering through that industry, then being a janitor at a museum full of chucklef-(not sure if blatantly throwing out F bombs is allowed here) -ain’t gonna get my goat. Even if one of them is the scumbag my ex cheated on me with. Oh, for sure, I definitely agree with getting the hell out of there and finding a less shit job, but again, I’m not gonna become a thief over it.
“You’re basically homeless and making peanuts for a paycheck” - This directly ties into finding a less shit job. I’ve been in a situation before where I was broke as all hell, and yeah, it was miserable, and this, I could understand turning to thievery to solve, but not large-scale heist stuff. That would fall under, “rob the nearest convenience store” territory, to me.
“The thieves are super hot and are offering you a cut of the profits if you help out” - they also broke into my place of work, assaulted me, and have threatened my life if I don’t help them. Honestly? Screw them, and their money. They ain’t that hot, and I’m not that desperate. I’ll play along as long as it takes for me to find a way out, then I’m bolting.
“The thieves have hard evidence of you assisting them and will use it to bury you if you don’t do what they want” - Kay. I’ll take prison time. At least then, I have a chance to argue my case (with a state-appointed defender because, you know, broke as hell) and potentially get the court to realize that I’m the victim and let me off the hook. Might have to go through probation, definitely gonna lose my job, court fees are gonna make me die inside, but at least I can bounce back from that. Going along with the heist more or less guarantees that I’m behind bars for a long time if I get caught, and that felony’s gonna follow me to the grave. I’d rather have a chance at rebuilding my life, thanks.
It’s a good thing that the story advertises being able to say “to hell with this heist shit” and fight against it, because this is once again a scenario where, if I were the main character, I’d probably end up dead because I’d refuse to go along with the plan. And as was mentioned in a thread of mine where I brought up such refusal to go along with the plot, people kinda sorta don’t really like to read about a character who refuses to play ball, so if I’m gonna be wrapped up in a forced heist plot, then at least let me be able to choose to stab the team in the back and make a run for it, right?
But this aside, I like what I’m seeing so far. The only other points of contention I have are basic spelling, grammar and structure stuff that I’m sure will be covered to death long before this story goes to beta anyhow. And hey, not being interested in any of the romances means that this is a story where I can really focus on the main character and how they evolve, since in some stories, it seems like the main focus of the story is the plot and the ROs, and you, the player, are really just kind of along for the ride more than anything else. Being able to have an active say in whether the heist succeeds or fails is nice.
25 Likes
Hi! Thanks for giving it a read, no offense taken! I see how it’s hard to imagine how we get from point A to Z with the story starting out like this, but it will get there. It’s still only in the first chapter and a solo project so a lot of this will be addressed, corrected and explained as it progresses. Hopefully you’re into sticking around and seeing where it goes, thanks for the feedback~
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No worries, like I said, I like what I’m reading. I’m just approaching it from the angle of, “I’m an ordinary dude getting dragged into a less than great situation, how would I likely respond?”, that’s all.
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I don’t think you have to worry too much about that. Your writing, and this premise, is engaging enough to keep us interested. If we didn’t already care about something in the story (in my case, and a lot of others, that seems to be the MC), then we wouldn’t bother posting about it!
I mean, I can only speak for myself, but when I play something I truly hate or that bores me, I don’t bother saying anything and just move on. Why waste time sharing thoughts about something I don’t find worthwhile?
Look at it this way, you have managed to, in a single chapter, get people passionate about what they’ve read. People aren’t just reading and leaving, they’re reading and feel strongly about the characters they’ve seen thus far. If you can do that with a chapter, imagine what you can do with two. 
Personally, I can’t wait to see more. I still want to use all the ROs as a giant pinata, though.
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Why ppl keep saying 30 yo is old, like they were ancient or something lmao. I’m offended on my brother behalf /jk. 
I never play if where mc like 30 yo (except maybe Fallen Hero) that was quite interesting 
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Well in the US a criminal record seems to be a lifelong punishment in and of itself, instead of the five years it generally is over here. So unless the mc is getting a second wind as a rapper or something where that sort of stuff is “street cred” say goodbye to getting a less shit job.
Also not sure my mc would survive a US maximum security prison as a gay man, it makes prison tougher even over here but in a US maximum security prison the only ones lower than known gay men would be child molesters. 
The only thing the mc can really go for is a deal with prosecution for turning evidence but with their rotten luck their employer will still fire, blacklist and sue them in that order and as I said before a deal with the prosecution doesn’t protect the mc from any of that.
The way I see the “law abiding” variant ending is with the mc homeless with no paycheck at all at best or in prison (which is quite likely to result in death or disability with the US prison system the way it is) for a crime they did not intend and were coerced into committing at worst.
I agree that they are not the best starter crimes, both are high risk and in addition heists involve teamwork and the mc, as the weak link, is most likely to be the scapegoat here. But I wouldn’t recommend convenience store or mall heists either if your goal is just to survive on crime at a (lower) middle class standard you’d best go into con games or hacking as those are low priority with low chances of getting caught and even lower of being sued as nobody likes to admit to the world that they fell for a con and got suckered.
Now those do require some skills, which the mc may not have. If so I guess the next best thing would be burglary of middle class and poorer homes, ironically as the cops and prosecution have little motivation and few resources to devote to such incidents, as long as they remain non-violent.
Which brings me to the convenience store again. Pointing a gun at an assistant manager and possibly the customers too gets you into violent crime with little payoff. As this is a more direct threat to public order and thus to state it highly likely you will be hunted down and very likely caught.
While I don’t know the exact success rates in the USA over here that sort of crime is 64.12 percent likely to result in both capture and sentencing, according to the 2019 figures.
So not something you want to do if you want to stay out of jail.
Lol yeah I’m not 30 yet myself, but I just feel like 30 is so young and it’s always played off as so old in media… And then in movies and shows about high school kids all the actors are like 30, so it’s weird to me. I don’t know, I just like writing characters at that age range I guess.
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Thank you! I don’t think I expected such deep responses and such speculation from what little I’ve been able to share so far. I actually used to write stories and art under a different name before and I never received so many responses even when I was at it for years so to post this little bit and get this much feedback is kinda flooring me haha. I really appreciate that people feel strongly about it and are getting invested, it’s really motivating actually. I hope to do it all justice haha. BTW totally fair to want to to use all of the ROs as giant pinatas lol
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The story really interests me so far but the MC is so infuriating. Doormats are my least favorite type of person, so being forced to play as one is making me wanna snap. And when they let A into the restricted area I was like “MC I hope you get fired at this point.” How stupid do you have to be that’s like museum 101 isn’t this your dream job MC? It felt v satisfying to duck A’s kiss and make them look like a chump though haha. I just wish we could play MC a bit more fiery, I wouldn’t even mind them being dumb I just hate not saying anything back to all of these trash people. I will keep up with this story though very interested in how it goes.
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being a curator is the MC’s dream job, not being a custodian of janitor
also I feel as though people are judging the characters to quickly when this is merely the first chapter, as the story progresses, they will change, as the author indicated
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I meant moreso that working at an museum is their dream job so they know why the protocol is important. But yes when things change in the story my opinions will change I’m sure, just stating my thoughts on things so far.
they wanted to work as a curator in a museum though, not as somebody who cleans after some kids after they make a mess
but I feel that people critiquing the MC as dumb forget that they are still feeling the effects of their abrupt break-up with the person with they wanted to spend their lives with, and the result of said break-up is because their SO cheated on them with the person they absolutely despise, it’s mentioned that they spend nights eating ice cream as a coping measure, and adding to that, their ex still calls them, practically harassing them to try and “salvage” things, and in the same vain, they’re actually posting pictures in their social media with the person they cheated on the MC with, indicating that they’re still together despite the ex wanting to supposedly fix things, and the MC viewing these photos tells me that they’re not totally over R
and not to mention the verbal harassment they receive from their boss, and the horrible way they’re treated in general by others in their workplace save for one other co-worker
so my reasoning for why I think people are judging the characters too harshly, especially the MC, is that I think they’re kinda ignoring what the MC went through in just a short amount of time, the MC is obviously depressed, and is not thinking things through clearly
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People react to grief in different ways, my first post shouldn’t have used such inflammatory language about it. This is not personally how I would react but this MC obviously has some level of set personality and it is the author’s choice of how to write them obviously. It can just be frustrating to play a pushover character, especially in a distressing situation which is why I think a lot of people including me have had extreme reactions. That feeling of helplessness could def change later but the current mood is def “lemme at em” in the comments.
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Yeah, what was said now is basically why I don’t mind the MC being the way they are. It was frustrating as HELL to have them do what A asked for, with the tour, but I understand.
With that being said, someone who manages to snatch the Taser of a thug and taze them with it isn’t a total pushover! I loved the ability to do that.
If I’m to be honest, I like the MC. But that makes me dislike the other characters even more, obviously. Though, I already explained why it is fair to me to judge them early on - I mean, trope I hate and all 
It’s the same way as I already love R. It’s just as early, but you can adore a character at first glance, and usually nobody says it’s unfair or anything. Well, it’s the same the other way around! There’s nothing wrong with that. And it’s always cool that people feel so strongly about a story.
The only thing that did truly bother me is that the MC couldn’t answer R’s calls, but our dear author said this is something that can actually be arranged - well, at the very least to have more interactions with them before things truly pick up. It makes sense since some people like me would like a chat with them to try and undestand etc, while other players may want to tell them to stop calling.
So yeah, I rage about the game and I love every second of it!
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no no you didn’t use any inflammatory language whatsoever, lol, you were just voicing your opinion, I was just voicing my opinion as well, the reason why I wrote what I wrote is because I sympathize with the MC alot, so I’m pretty biased admittingly
and on the topic of R, I’m not sure if he’s just playing games, or the co-worker has dirt on him, why would he be constantly calling you to make-up I’m presuming while he’s still together with said co-worker? it’s honestly confusing
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Screw R and screw that co-worker I don’t even remember his name
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The coworkers name is Ben if mail, and beth if female.
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No and the mc initially getting into that elite college from their likely less than impressive background proves that they have or at least used to have some organising and networking ability and intelligence in the IQ sense. In fact if you read between the lines it could be that even here their less than stellar social skills may be in evidence as they may have gotten past the university admissions board on raw intellect but they could apparently not clinch the deal with enough of a a sob story for a full-ride scholarship board. 
Which is of course why losing one of their two jobs they were using to pay for said elite tuition shoves them into the death spiral that is their life at the start of the game.
It is again the mc’s social/emotional intelligence and mental state I am more concerned about…and in my case his physical appearance of course.
But in this world potential means shit without money or connections and it is abundantly clear the mc doesn’t have any of those and I don’t really see them gaining any during the story either unless they are foolish enough to trust some very shady guys.
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Wow this is lit 
i hope the revenge plan makes it look like at the movie of Wanted(2008) office scene, cant wait to bash B jaw with a mop for banging R at MC own apartment lol
MCs life feels like wesley too even A seems like Angelina Jolie too,lol maybe is there an option to use them to make R jealous 
Also B in this story is really Barry in the movie lmao
Cant wait for more updates, thanks author this is on fire
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