The Empire Saga: Corruption (WIP)


#1

Hello, thank you for your interest.

I have spent the last few months editing the main story again for this game. I have done this to make the game playable by a wider audience. There is only minimal romance in this game, like with any other CoG game.

Please, keep in mind, that there is only ONE path for the story. Which maybe makes the game a little linear yes, but the game is going to be very long in the end.

If you feel that there are not enough options for variety, or if the game is too violent, please let me know. I take every comment seriously. Oh, and I have just done a very light grammar/spelling check throughout the story, so if you catch any of those, let me know.

As more people comment with their own opinion, updates will take longer to accomplish. Please be patient with me.

The Empire Saga series is a medieval fantasy and sci-fi adventure. Please keep in mind that this is a text based game that follows a certain story. You are introduced as a young thief who just got caught, what will you sacrifice to survive?

W.I.P Demo (PG-16)

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/512grz8eygqsyo3/empire.html


Torturer's apprentice?
What is the Darkest CYOA game on choice of games?
#2

I like this! Is fun! Mwahahahaha!!! :japanese_ogre:


#3

I really like it. Interesting. I like that we have a “brother.” In times there is nothing wrong that there are no choices if MC can’t change nothing being imprisoned, bound with chains. Give them when we have possibility. Story can be one, linear, but important part is how you tell it, and it changes by how MC acts. Give those choices. In reality many stories are linear, but they are different with help of MC.

“His mother was good friends with my mother for a long time.” your?

"But starting to kill for hire, not that, was soemthing you would never dream of doing. " Something?

Question, why choosing Going to bleed him dry! I lose Relationship -25 if at that moment I have no interaction with that character? I just think that going to hurt him.


#4

@Shell_San glad to see you back ^^ I cant wait for chapter 1, keep up the brilliant work!


#5

i remember this when it was first posted…as i remember it was deeply disturbing, will it be the same? It’s really psychological, well last time was, like no light\hope lol


#6

@ChimeraLord in the demo you can choose for yourself as it says:

In this game there are brutal scenes and content involved, do you wish to read about it?

This means that instead of seeing PG-16 rated content, you may see at times R rated content.

You will still have the same gaming experience if you decide to go with the default option, just with less graphic violence.

No
Yes


#7

If I may make a small suggestion: at the beginning you let the player choose various options such as viewing graphic content and such. I was thinking maybe it might be better to first offer the player two options, one being to go with the game defaults and you would list what they are, or option two they can customize their selection.


#8

I found one spelling mistake: “You am no brute” Also it switches between the first and third person a lot. Also, will you be able to customize your appearance and background later?


#9

“You feel something restricting your moment and then you notice the chains and cuffs that you are wearing.”

I’m thinking moment should be movement, unless something is actually suspending your moment in time :slight_smile:


#10

The game will still have brutal death scenes (just like before), but you will have to enable the brutal scenes to see such content. If players do not have this option enabled, death scenes are much lighter.

The more brutal and darker you are with your choices, the more brutal content will be available to you. If you choose the options that are seemingly light/hopeful, you will just scrape by. Well at least until the prison arc is done. You will understand later when I have them ready.

And thanks to everyone who has commented so far, I know there is a lot of tense changes, I will try to fix them.


#11

I really enjoyed everything I have read so far in this story.

The beginning kinda reminds me of the Elder Scrolls series, I think only because I am a prisoner Lol. Most of the choices I made seem to be negatively impacting my characters morality, which makes sense, they just seem the most logical choices to survive in the prison. I even picked being the torturers assistant/page first because it presented more opportunities to show my worth or stay under the radar.

Anyway, I’ll be checking around here later. Peace out and awesome story so far.

More gore is good gore.


#12

I would like it if I was able to customise the main character’s appearance, gender and eye colour in this game. Just a thought…


#13

The inn’s bodyguard seemed like was going to be issue but you supposedly got lucky. Jester convinced Rahul, the innkeeper’s guard, to join our theft. Your brother was a little sceptical at the time but you just knew something was wrong. You warned Logan again but he still decided to ignore you.

 I believe you meant "The inn's bodyguard seemed like he was going to be an issue..." and "Your brother was a little skeptical at the time...".

Maybe Jester did not sell you both out, but how had the guards known where your hide out was?

 I think hideout is one word.

After you think of every dark though possible for what could happen to your foolish brother, and perhaps yourself for being the greater fool, you notice an outpost.

I believe you meant "After you think of every dark thought possible for what could happen to your..."

The reason why you did not kill anyone was because you knew that was a slippery slope. Sure stealing was one thing. Hurting and roughing someone up was another. But starting to kill for hire, not that, was soemthing you would never dream of doing.

 I believe you meant "But starting to kill for hire, now that, was something you would never dream of doing."

They dragged him towards a well-used wooden pole near the noble. It looked like it had been used for a millennium. When the guards finished chaining the man to the pole, they ripped his cloth off of him using their hands. One of the guards ran up to the noble and gave him a black whip.

As the warden cleared his throat for the second time.

“Those who disobey shall be suffer. Those who show me no respect shall be humiliated.”

He uncoiled the black whip and says “Do not look away.”

 Three things here that confuse me.  First I believe you meant "Those who disobey shall suffer."  Second I believe you mean "He uncoiled the black whip and said ...".  Third I am confused by the word "cloth" in the first paragraph.  You either mean shirt or clothes if you are saying what I think you are saying.  Cloth may refer to something that is setting-specific that I don't think was explained.

He stared at the males and says “Any male who is above seventeen summers will have to mine. I will be the one saying who seventeen summers is and who is not.” He started to look towards the females and his smile grew even more crooked.

 Two things here.  I think you meant "He stared at the males and said...".  Secondly, the second sentence comes across confusing.  I am not sure if the warden is meant to speak a certain way, but if he is not I would change it to "I will be the one saying who is seventeen summers and who is not."

“Anyone who does not perform their tasks will be punished. I hope that you get the idea of what this means and as time goes by you will learn a few things that I am not going to bother teach right now. So, the adult men and women shall go for now.”

 This is dialogue again so I am not sure if this is intentional but I wanted to point this out just in case.  I think you meant "I hope you get the idea of what this means and as time goes by you will learn a few things that I am not going to bother teaching right now...".  And the last sentence is confusing but I'm not sure how I would fix it as I don't know what you are trying to say.

You for the one time in your life was glad that you were not old enough to warrant for the mining camp.

I think you meant "You for the one time in your life were glad...".  I would also add commas to make it more readable if I were you.

After a few moments of shuffling, a few tried to give some friction, which got them a nice smack with the wooden side of the guard’s sharp spears.

Most of those who remained looked about the same age and only two or three might have been younger than you. The warden walks closer to the remaining group, to inspect and to make sure of every single persons worth.

 I don't understand what you mean at this part when you say that "a few tried to give some friction".  This could be a setting thing, a idiom I just don't know, or I am not smart enough to understand.  I just wanted to point it out in case it was a typo.  In the second paragraph I there is a problem with your tenses.  I'm not sure but I think it should be "The warden walked closer..." to agree with the verb "looked" in the previous sentence, and the other verbs in your game/story are in the past tense.

I don't want to come across as overly critical by copying and pasting more typos but there seems to be a lot of verb conjugation errors.  You seem to switch between past and present tenses a lot in ways that make the game harder to read and confusing.

The game/story itself seems fine.  While it isn't exactly my genre, I could see this becoming a very good game/story.  I want to caveat my next point by saying that it is your story, you know what is going to happen, and you should write whatever you want.  So the game seems to imply that the warden is a pedophile.  I don't know if its because of story reasons.  But I would argue that is probably in your best interest to not imply that.  If its for setting reasons, you want to game to be darker and grittier, ok that is your choice.  But your original post stating you were trying to make the game playable to a wide audience and if you decide to go down that path you are narrowing your audience (which is totally ok if that is the story you want to make).  The game is already violent and has torture.  So you start with an audience of only adults.  If the implied pedophilia is story related, you are going to narrow your target audience even further (which again is totally ok if that is what you want).  If its not story related, I would argue that it is unnecessary.  The setting is already dark and gritty with the level of torture and violence you have.  If you are trying to develop the warden as a character, I also think it is unnecessary.  The warden is already put into the position as an antagonist because he already between the player/reader and their desire to escape.  The warden is also already seen as despicable/hated because at around the same time you seem him whipping someone to death/near-death.  I guess having the warden eyeing the sub-18 female prisoners gives an added level of creepiness, but I think torture is enough to creep most people out.

edits: added more typos and overall thoughts.


#14

I definitely do NOT want to imply what you said about the Warden. I will change the content relating to that in the next update. Also, I will fix a lot of grammar and tense changes as well.


#15

I remember this game from awhile ago and i liked it and i like thiss reedited version as well because of the additional background that youu added. Hope you keep up the good work. I kind of hope that we don’t have to eat human fingers again though.


#16

I am just making sure, some of the ways the content was…well went against my beliefs…as far as sexual comfort zones before, but its not my game, so im keeping open mind, plus this helps


#17

You could eat human fingers in this game? Nice.


#18

In the original version yes I don’t know if he’ll keep it in the new version and make it less gorey.


#19

reading other people posts about that original was gory peeked my interest. Is there a place where i can get to read it?? ;3


#20

@dreamdragonhatchling Find the darkest ally in your city. Inside that ally there will be a shady looking fellow wearing a trench coat and fedora. This man will ask you 3 riddles if you answer them correctly he will present you with a quest to attune to Karazhan once you have attuned, enter the karazhan instance proceed to kill Shade of Aran he will drop a book containing a URL. Enter that URL into your browser and you will find a link that will take you to the original game.