Absolutely amazing game I can’t wait for more! Also, can we have an official nation? Like a land that worships us and we could command the army and stuff like that.
Amazing. Simply Amazing the Potential i can feel it I can Feel The Power in it I can Sense your skill young one.
Or to say it simply: Amazing idea i hunger for more.
Really cool idea, I like the concept.
It seems like Cavemen level technology.
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Yes, currently it’s around copper age era. It will progress through a few ages but it begins with small nomadic tribes and families.
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So as we progress into godhood will we meet other spirits and gods more frequently? I would like to see those kind of interactions as well.Also will we appear gender-less the whole time or will we pick one later?
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Theres no plan to put a gender onto the god. Your always playing from the first person and you’ll nearly always be refered to by the name you choose because of your status. It gives a chance for players to project whatever gender they wish onto the main character.
Currently I have no plans for romance, this isnt that kind of story
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I notice you images don’t load.
Do you want help to fix it?
The images work normally but unfortunately Dropbox won’t show them when I convert it into the required format to make it load.
Is there a way to make Dropbox load imaged better then?
Okay, so I haven’t done this for a WIP before cause I’m mostly a lurker on the forums, but I am enamored with the entire concept of this game so I thought I would give some feedback. What follows is mostly low level stuff (grammar, spelling etc) and I do it in the hopes of making a great concept even better in the execution.
It is usually small, weak and formless. Really just a self-aware essence that watches over it’s realm.
Should be its (possessive, not a contraction of it is)
Just one believer will give a spirit more power than they could ever experience…
And with many believers the unimaginable can happen…
A question of style, but I wouldn’t put two sentences with ellipses in a row. In fact the two sentences could probably be combined into one with just an ellipses at the end, to read like this.
Just one believer will give a spirit more power than they could ever experience and with many believers the unimaginable can happen…
Once again definitely not a hard and fast rule, just a matter of style in my opinion.
You are a spirit, thats all you have ever been and in a probability thats all you will ever be. As a spirit you dont really have a form and are invisible to all creature unless you connect with them in visions.
that’s
all probability
that’s
don’t
Spirits like you don’t really have a form but you do your best to blend what there is of you into the appearance3nment and keep quiet.
When hiding from the powerful spirit.
Becoming a God is a 1 in a Million chance for a spirit, 1 in a Billion even! Having had such power and losing it would be enough to send any spirit mad. You know a chance like that doesn’t come twice.
This may seem nitpicky but I have two issues here.
1 - million and billion are capitalized and I don’t feel there is any reason for it.
2 - You’re mixing written words with numbers. By which I mean one is written as a number (1) and million and billion are written as words. I would probably use one in a million instead.
Use your power to try and save this human, this human deserves every chance (-10 Power)
I get that you don’t want to gender the follower here and instead allow the reader to choose a gender later, but having this human, this human sounds really awkward. Maybe instead use:
Use your power to try and save this human, it deserves every chance (-10 Power)
I know some people find the dehumanising aspect of the non gendered it a little off putting but I think it works when you are an otherworldly, non human.
“What are you?!” he cries out, "What is it you want from me?".
This may be just me but I’m not a fan of multiple punctuation marks when you have already made the tone clear. By writing out “he cries out” you’ve made it clear that this is being said in a loud tone of voice, so you don’t need to have the exclamation mark, you can just have the question mark. Also don’t need the full stop at the end of the line, the question mark replaces it.
What you have done is not important, what matters in how you can serve me.
is how you can serve me.
I have chosen you for your humanity, we together we can achieve much.
together we can achieve much
Watching this human you have learnt a few bits about him
No full stop at the end of the sentence.
Firstly you have discovered that he was seperated from the hunting party when the fight broke out between the two of them. It seems this human isn’t sure if he will be able to return to the tribe after what happend.
separated
happened
In other words, yes I am hugely interested in the entire concept. If you need anyone to proof read or bug test then please hit me up, I’d be happy to help out.
Thank you so much for your response. I’ve entirely rewritten that first chapter now due to some of the awful writing (most of my writing is academic rather than story based, I’m trying to reduce that habit in this)
If you’re interested I would love you to have a look through the rewritten chapter and possibly offer some direction (or just rewrite the awful parts if it’s that bad)
Lance above me seems to have caught most of the grammatical errors. I would say to check most of your pronouns, as I tried it a couple of times and the gender of my follower was pretty fluid.
It’s a solid concept I’m pretty interested to see where it goes. I very much like that you make what are presumably *fake_choice 's concerning motivations, it made the intro more engaging.
One thing I would say is you may want to go back and consolidate the rules about spirits and present it more concisely. You reiterate several rules when your reader already has a lot of new lore to wrap your head around when they start up. One example would be you make a reasonably big point about how little effect a spirit can have, yet you move on from that very quickly.
As others have mentioned above the images are invisible, I offer any advice there.
Hope you carry on developing this.
As an opener I’d just like to say, I was/am too tired to read this in depth and therefore am not capable of reviewing as such. (I’m also too tired to do so.) Buuuut, I’d like to say that I still did skim this overall and found myself pretty intrigued.
In my skimming: I managed to get my follower to believe in a Black Demon, Cold Nothingness, Various Nature Spirits and Red Ancestors.
In summation: I am resoundingly glad to see a WIP focusing on some sort of higher power. I think the whole “evolving spirit” concept sounds “hella” interesting. (I love being all powerful and love building my own cult almost as much. And um…yeah. I’m real interested, keep up the good work. (I’ll try to work out a more detailed review at a later date when I’m not so drop dead tired.)
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It’s up to you but I think a potential romance with one of the humans will be quite interesting, especially considering your eternal lifespan. I’m just wandering how many mortal hearts I can break in the span of eternity before I go mad.
3 Likes
Yes, there was indeed.
All you need to do is host your images/musics in a dropbox folder, generate a link and put it on you scene
For example:
*image nameofpic.jpg
Change the “nameofpic” for the link Dropbox give to you:
*image https://www.dropbox.com/s/2cwhp37zfddsga6/img1.jpg?raw=1
*comment Notice that you must subistitute the "?ds=1 by ?raw=1 to make the code work"
Example:
Dropbox generated link: https://www.dropbox.com/s/2cwhp37zfddsga6/img1.jpg?ds=0
Link in you game:
*image https://www.dropbox.com/s/2cwhp37zfddsga6/img1.jpg?raw=1
See? Its easy! Just type “raw=1” for “ds=0” and the images will work!
Please, if you face any problem with coding or else, don’t hesitate in ask.
I will be glad to try to help. You game is a very VERY promising one.
I really loved the demo it’s an interesting concept if you need help to give you feedback on the game don’t hesitate 
(sorry for the late reply ).
I can’t believe how long it took me to figure out how to get Ancestor Spirits. I love the range of different shapes you can take depending on your actions.
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I present to you: Chapter 2 of the followers!
This is based on a lot of comments and help from people around these forums. Hopefully it brings the story into a more structured form and gives it a much better flow. Please be aware that this is a WIP and always open to change, especially on the feedback from the wonderful people in these forums
I will repost the link here:
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/sf35h6jj59sk21q/The%20Followers%20v0.21.html?dl=0
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Aww damn was their a choice between saving Aire or ROC