Yeah this makes sense, thanks for the explanation
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I understand your concern, but I think potato is the one exception to the general rule? Couch potato is a common term and many people call themselves potatoes. Another exception would be the word “vegetable”, I think, because even that has an accepted connotation as a description of a person. Just my opinion though. I’m not trans either. :-))
Yuck, that’s awful. I feel the same way when people say, ohh you want to let gay people marry each other! Next they’ll want to marry animals and tables!
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I didn’t realise it could’ve been interpreted that way and I’m truly sorry if I offended anyone. I never meant for it to hurt anyone.
I’m not the best an explaining things but there’s a choice for you if you’d like to go to a bonus scene for those who’d still like to the the potato part or go straight into the game.
I really am sorry if I hurt anyone.
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Why is it so hard to just accept my feelings? Why do you put me in a position where I have to explain why I’m feeling the way I do and this is offensive to me? You have no idea how exhausting this is. RedRoses gave you a perfect on-point explanation why this particular phrasing can come across as offensive. What makes this one joke so important to you that you feel the need to come to its defense? Sorry, I don’t have the energy for this.
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Mc: so… your’re one of the four horseman? The so called death?
Death: yes, I know it sounds crazy to you, feel free to ask anything you want.
Mc:… where’s the mask and the horse?
Death smiles: This no place for a horse.
Mc: so you’re the one they call famine?
Famine: yep, been looking forward to seeing you again, is there something wrong?
Mc: (keeps looking at famine’s weapon) I don’t know why I was expecting a whip.
Famine: (chuckling) also not a woman.
Sorry, couldn’t stop thinking about Darksiders while reading.
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Kaleylo she just asked on how could be potato transphobic since as from far as i know there is no transphobic jokes or defamatory jokes of potatos involving trans people, and besides some people
Also im sorry but i dislike the way you “responded” the question since its a pretty good question from a person that isnt trans and does not have the right to think if that is transphobic or not
And i have to come to the potato joke defence since its just a silly funny joke that just exists for laughs, and some extreme anarcho-primitists might finnaly live their dream of rejecting civilization and returning to vegetable
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Lads, please stop arguing 
please.
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Oh my gosh, please chill! My literal first words were “I understand your concern”. Usually when someone raises a point, especially if they’re directing a criticism at the author’s work - the author who can read what you’ve written and whose feelings may also have been affected, btw - you are opening yourself up to a discussion. And RedRoses themselves said they don’t agree with you but see where you’re coming from.
If it’s just a feeling you have, we’ll mark it as that and move on. I was under the impression you wanted to start a dialogue. But we’ll leave it at this. :-))
Oh my gosh, this is such an adorable idea though! :DD I’m totally going to start reading up on what anarcho-primitist even means. Never heard it before. And thank you for standing up for me. I’ll admit I was a little nonplussed at first. :-))
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Wasn’t the darksider horsemen with the whip named wrath and pestilence was the one with the guns?
I got nothing to do soo here are the concepts of the ideology i talked about,
Anarcho primitivism is an anarchist ideology in where they want to de-industrialize the world, abolish the division of labor and stop using all large-scale technologies, they want to live as one with nature as nomadic bands so they dont cause too much devastion on nature
They dont want to live in a hierarchy and the main concepts of an anarcho primivitist society would be that there is no hiearchy and everyone is equal economically, Socially and Politically
There is also a debate whether or not agriculture is allowed considering agroculture was one of the main causes of various technologies today, some say they can only farm “permaculture plantations”, others say that it can only be an society of hunters-gatherers
Other important concepts : be dumb since you cant be smart and develop some technology no thats illegal,
you cant be civilized and must be feral like an animal (im not joking this is an actual Anprim concept),
And you cannot have a culture, that means you cant say anything in allmost any language and you can only speak through symbols, smells and thats basically it, no you cant speak sign language too (if im correct)
(TL;DR) : Anarcho primivitism wants us to return to become monkeys again
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Wow, really? It started out interesting (very Rousseau or Lockean, at least) and then devolved into total bs. Thanks! TIL 
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It doesn’t allow me to play, it just keeps showing me the end screen
Ah sorry, I was messing with the files again 
is it working now?
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You guys I can’t even lie. I failed 2 of my exams and the only way I’m staying afloat is this forum.
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Yes it is thank you
@SuperTired got an error for you. ch01 line 857
i wish i had a screen shot for you but my laptop hates me and she wont do what i ask, beside play games…
Merry Christmas everyone!
Quick note: Me being dumb, I uploaded files to the wrong thing and so if you guys have played the demo recently there was a huge snippet of the future chapter oh lawd. I’m sorry for that.
It should be back to normal now and if ye could refrain from looking at the scene list that be appreciated as it contains a big spoiler because of my dumbassery.
So sorry.
21 Likes
I’ll be writing as I play.
First of all… The potato intro was. the. BEST.
Typos and such
Apparently I can only catch capitalization errors, so here’s my collection.
one
I’m just curious as to why ‘set of twin daggers’ isn’t capitalized.
two
Hearing the screeches of more demons you swiftly but carefully hoist the children onto Arion before getting on behind them. You Cut down however many demons you can as you ride to safety, leaving the ruins of the village.
I think the C in ‘Cut down’ isn’t supposed to be capitalized.
(I probably should’ve provided a screenshot but oh well)
three
I think the Y in ‘You’ should be capitalized.
four
I think the W in ‘when’ should be capitalized.
five
Uh, yet again, another thing I think should be capitalized. The S in ‘she’.
six
And another one. The same as before actually.
seven (not capitalization!!)
This one isn’t a capitalization error (finally). I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be ‘unsheathes’.
None of the ones below are capitalization errors either.
eight
A period is missing after ‘too’.
nine
This should probably be ‘me’ instead of ‘my’. Also maybe a period after ‘call me Prim’ or a comma.
ten
I think this should be ‘that brown haired bore’. I’m not sure though.
eleven
I really have no idea in this case but I think there’s supposed to be a period after Mr. Like Mr. Gorgeous, not Mr Gorgeous.
I apologize for all the ‘hide details’ sections that I made. I just think it looks neat.
Stuff
Comments
They unexpectedly hug you, tightly, way too tight. It feels as if you’re being crushed and stabbed but you endure it.
They must be some really tight (and painful) hugs.
Edit (after I finished the demo): It makes sense now.
He snorts in relief, glad you haven’t been killed yet.
Gee thanks, Arion.
You feel a hand on your shoulder. Turning around, you see Death. The Pale Rider. Her curled silver-ash hair tied back with a long sapphire ribbon and wild strands managing to escape, covering parts of her face. Her steel-grey eyes take you in, making sure you aren’t injured.
I love Death already.
You grimace at his words, which causes him to snort loudly. “Let’s just agree we both look like shit.” You say diplomatically, trying to end the discussion.
A very diplomatic way to end a discussion.
Thoughts
Um, my only (very stupid) thoughts right now: Am I about to form a harem with the other horsemen (and women)? Are they all in love (or something) with the MC? I mean I don’t mind it. I’m just gonna go for Death for now. BUT what if only Conquest likes the MC because she blushed? Oh well, I’ll see.
More comments
“You said you were fine.” Famine growls.
“I lied.”
Mood.
Thoughts
Thoughts: welp.Was that all a dream? At least the MC has a cute (and annoying) little sister now. And a dumb older brother.
“Oh ho ho, you do not get to uno reverse me on this.”
I just found this funny. I imagine the ‘oh ho ho’ being said in a sort of Santa Claus voice.
“Are you okay, Fe-riend?” He coughs, violet eyes scanning you.
Real smooth.
“They aren’t nightmares. They’re memories. Your brain can’t process the memories of two lives properly and so it tries to make sense of it by turning the memories of one life it into something more realistic, like a nightmare.” The Maker explains.
Huh. Did the MC and the other horsemen travel to the future/present or something?
Oh wait nothing, I take back my theory. Kinda sad the siblings were fake.
Actually I take back everything, I was wrong oops.
“YES WE THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO DIE!” They yell so loud you swear it could shake the earth.
Chile anyways so… JK lmao
More thoughts
Thoughts: WHY DID IT SWITCH AGAIN. I’m a bit confused.
BARKIMEDES (cute doggo) is now my new favorite character. I love him/her.
“How can this be? Fear died ten thousand years ago. We all saw it happen.” Conquest asks, whispering the last part.
I thought the MC was immortal though… I guess Mallus (sorry if I got his name wrong) can kill anyone.
“Guys! We should be excited and happy that she’s alive somehow, not whatever you guys are now,” he says, not understanding why they’re acting so weird.
Yeah smh smh.
More thoughts
Thoughts: THE MC IS MEETING THEM AGAIN (sort of, 'cause they already met two of them) AT LAST
Even more comments
“Dr Greymark, an honour meeting you.” Prim takes her hand, shaking it firmly and keeping their eyes locked on each other, trying to intimidate each other.
For a story about the five horsemen, this is pretty funny. The pie competition is a lot more important than everything else, of course.
He jumps in his seat, his chips flying out of its basket. “MY CHIPS!” He twists and turns, catching the chips with the basket before allowing them to fall onto the ground.
He’s such a mood.
They write down what they thought of the pie, and move on to the last contestant. Primrose Greymark. She gives them an honest smile, she isn’t actually here for the competition so she doesn’t mind if losing. The real reason she’s here… the reason they’re all here. It’s to see how you’re doing. They thought you were dead for thousands of years and here you are. Breathing.
That’s sweet. For a second I thought it meant everyone at the competition and I was really confused.
THE FOOD FIGHT. THE FOOD FIGHT IS A MASTERPIECE. It’s just…
All hail the Queen of Pies indeed.
A Week Later.
Not much happened in the past week. You go through the same schedule every day. You sleep, dream, scream and wake up. At least the hallucinations are becoming less frequent. You don’t see too much of clawed hands or monsters. Maybe you’re starting to get better.
NOOOOO. WHYYYYYY.
At least Barkimedes is still there.
BARKIMEDES CAN TALK!!! amazing.
AAAA and that was the end. I loved absolutely everything!!! I can’t wait for more updates! Thanks for writing this!
This was longer than I expected but I hope it helps some!
3 Likes
Can’t wait for the continuation, it’s absolutely awesome! I love it
Also I think I’ve noticed three typos here
‘She’ in Death’s sentence should be replaced by ‘they’ since my MC is non-binary, as well as the ‘her’ at the bottom of the screenshot. There should also be a ‘their’ instead of ‘theys’ in that same page a little more below that I haven’t screenshotted.
Apart from that, nothing wrong, very well-written !