Hello all! So I’ve finally worked up the nerve and a solid enough idea to to try and put together an idea that I feel will be satisfying enough to write and one that I feel is different from what is already in progress or published. I know the demons, supernatural and Angles thing has been done rather often lately though I think my idea is a bit different. I’m really looking for some feedback and suggestions, I’m currently trying to teach myself choice-script, I’ve done a touch of forum coding but this is a whole different creature, so the Demo might be a little bit before it is out, but I have some questions already that might effect what you will be seeing.
The story, starts with the MC waking up in a hospitle bed, trying to recall what happned, before they start flashing back on thier past a bit, such as the incident when they were younger which resulted in their Mother falling into a coma (which if I can figure out the coding, might be caused by the MC if you want, but as well can very well not be caused by them) and still is by the start of the story. Their father an often absent figure in their childhood and has continued into their adult life, being raised and cared for by their Grandfather and Grandmother, The story starts with the MC returning from a long day of classes at the local college/university they attend, it is when they return home that they are kidnapped (aduiltnapped? cause the MC is going to start out as a fresh faced little twenty-one year old) What has currently happen to said grandparents or what exactly transpired for that to happen is sort of spoiler-ly that I want to save for the actual written work so I can get an honest opinion on how it is presented. Cause there will be no way to avoid it for important plot reasons.
They are subjected weeks, upon weeks of torturer/abuse, (I won’t go into really graphic description of it, though there were be points that they overheard their captors talking about ‘someone’ who is going to be big part of the plot, though how they contribute is a big spoiler. It is towards the end of their captivity, left bleeding , just waiting for the next round, a hatred/pain/darkness gesturing. Your MC can want revenge or answers, it resonates so deeply in their soul that they attract the attention of a demon, (there will be an option between four distinct ones with their own personality and the plot differs a bit on each, at least that is my plan, the MC makes a deal with this Demon for the answers/revenge which starts this whole larger plot that has to do with their father’s absences, why their mother is in a coma and all that came down with them being kidnapped.
It has a big overlaying plot, also includes other contractees and their demons, supernatural creatures, demons and angles. There will be romance, I’m thinking maybe three options, not too sure I need to get all the characters wrote down to see who would make good RO’s and who won’t.
So one question I have is I’m thinking of leaving a possibility for the MC to have something left of their torturer left over be it they were severely injured enough they can’t walk, they are blind or they have multitude of scars or branding on them. I’m open for suggestions.
Or you can tell me this is a crap idea and i can run away before I get myself in coding hell.
And I’m really interested in the different demons you can make a contract with: could you talk about them a bit more? Their personality, what kind of powers they would give the MC, what they want from you, etc.
This is a good idea, and In a Study In Steampunk the MC happens to have a war wound, so it can work And this bit:
is rather easy to do once you have a bit of experience, for example. You can PM me if you want
This moth I’m going to be really busy (and half of the next…) with the CSComp and school related things, but if you have any question about coding, I can lend you a hand (via PM or here, if you want)
Of course I can! There are going to be four of them, The first one identifies strongly as female (the only reason I say she identifies is that true Demons [The ones born from two demons or created by Lucifer himself] are not born with a singular gender, More then anything the first hundred years of life is spent trying to grow, feed and learn how to be, well just to be. The necessity or want for more physical pursuits or full actualization doesn’t happen until their first hundred or so years. They have three forms, their true form, their human shell that is very malleable, allowing them to shift and modify it as the see fit. Though most have a specific form they prefer more often then not. Though there are some who perform contracts who might appear as a gender more pleasing or soothing to their potential prey. Then their third form is a familiar sort of form. An animal they identify with strongly that they can change into and if old enough and experienced enough with a very large pinch of magic can weave copy as an extension of themselves])
Though right back on topic cause I can ramble about species mechanics for a while. XD
The first is a Female demon, who identifies strongly with snakes, She is called Viper among demons who know her (since there is a lot of power in knowing a demons true name) She’s charm, and calculation. She’s a touch lazy, enjoying the sun. Though she is dangerous for the fact poisons, her silver tongue and seduction is her bread and butter. Not even those she contracts are truly safe at times. For she has been known to get rid of a ‘master’ or throw them to the wolves for they had lost her interest, or they have upset her. She is also the hardest to read, for she has very little tells. In her snake form though, she has been known to indulge in wrapping around a human and basking in the warmth she can’t keep for herself.
I’m thinking whoever chooses her they might get a boost in charm? And a fw special texts where they can use poisons.
Her human appearance leaves her as a petite, five foot two young woman, with waist long platinum hair, and piercing black eyes, her complexion a deep tan, her favorite haunts back in her early years had been the Middle east and northern Africa. She likes to take credit for the fall of Cleopatra.Her nails kept long, and they often painted in an attempt to hide the natrual black that give away her kind along a few other hide-able traits. She’s charming, often wearing gems or jewelry, a distraction from what her other hand might be doing. Everything she does has a reason. Even her deceptively frail and delicate human appearance. Though she is physically frailer of the four demons, and weaker to magic and charms.
Next is a Male Demon who other demons refer to as Layish (Old Lion in Hebrew) His preferred familiar are felines, though his form more often then not is that of a large, longish furred black cat. He exhibits many traits of a cat, a bit moodswingy, switching from being friendly and easy going to cold and agitated at the mere sight of you. He loves to cause trouble. (sort of think of those cats that sit on your desk and just stares you down as they slowly scoot your tea off the table, the whole time you muttering “Don’t you do it” ) Despite is fussy temperament he is surprisingly protective and watchful of his Contracted prey, he is often their second shadow, stealth being his strong suit, and has little qualms with being up close and personal with those he kills. He has a touch of a sadistic streak of a cat without a mouse. He likes to tease and joke around, being a bit playful, especially if he grows fond of you.
Out of the four he is the third tallest standing Five foot nine, with athletic build, his hair often wild, and pitch black, he tends to fall a little to the punkish side in style, he knows how he appears and flaunts it without care, most would mistake him or a seventeen or eighteen year old punk who got a little into the punk rocker or goth fad. He always has something leather on his person, even if it’s just gloves. His complexion is sun kissed, and his eyes sharp, and a amber hue.
His stat boost would be stealth, he is the fastest of them and moderately physically strong. He would be the second strongest of the four. He has a style similar to Viper in relying more on tricks, wits and speed, but he can take a hit. Though like h er he can be hurt pretty easily by magic, being a more front fighter.
Next is a female Usa, who favors bears, She is like a mother bear, strong, fierce, hotheaded, protective and a little grouchy. She falls more on the lighter side of the moral gray side of things unlike the two above who fall more to the chaotic darker grays. She is the strongest of the four options, and the second tallest standing at Five, eleven, with short brown hair whose bangs often fall into her eyes. She likes the ascetic of them but she get’s agitated easily by how they fall in her honey brown eyes, with a shock of freckles across her cheeks and nose.\
She would give a boost to the strength stat
Finally there is the male demon, which demons refer to as Crow, as his name states he tends to favor those black birds, most aren’t sure if he actually is just a winged devil, a son of their dark lord or if he is actually one of the fallen for in his natural form he has large, pitch black wings. This devil likes books, he’s smart, with a gift for magic. He is calm, a little territorial, and surprisingly a bit fussy. A perfectionist as well. He has a bit of a sharp tongue a little condescending, though he is the one most likely to fret if his mortal falls ill, or it rains. (a touch of a mother hen even if he tries to deny it.) He falls a bit more in the middle of the moral gray spectrum, a bit more pragmatic and adjustable to a situation. He is the one though that might be the most dangerous if angered, he is surprisingly loyal as well. Though his rage is a very slow build, he better at controlling it with mortals, it usually his own kind that has something to fear. He is the most constant in his temperament.
He is the tallest at six foot two, lean, and has an affection for glasses and often wears them in his human appearance. His hair black, gathered into a low ponytail at the nap of his neck. He has a bit more on an old world feel in his appearance and tends to favor dressier clothing. His eyes an unnatural green hue, all together too bright and vibrant
He would give a boost to intelligence, He gives the special boost/extra flavor of being the most skilled in magic and using it in situations the other four can’t. He’s fast, and stronger then Viper, and only a pinch smarter then Viper but that is due to him being the oldest of the four as well.
Oldest to youngest:
Oh goodness my dream is to pull of something even half as good as she did, I’ll have to be careful how I play this for sure. Not sure how bad the damage I should allow. I mean like for one instance one could have gotten spinal damage from receiving near daily beatings. I need to decide if it should be bad enough that they will be in a wheel chair or just bad enough they need cain and have a limp for the rest of their life. Should they have been blinded at one point, or just lost an eye? It sort of things like that I need to decide on.
Awesome I might have to bug you for advice sometime, I just started looking at coding right now, I don’t have a lot of time for it this month, with finals next week and social commitments for the rest of it. Thank you so much.
This seems like a pretty rad idea. It kind of gives me a Black Butler kind of vibe. Which is never a bad thing.
I don’t know if this is heading into spoiler territory, but will the reason why the mc gets kidnapped, tortured, beaten, etc get explained later on?
Another question: what kind of hospital is it that they let(or they themselves) torture their patients? What kind of information could the mc possibly have that is _that _ important to them? And how do they know if the mc knows?
Give this man some long hair, green eyes, and wings, and WALA! Instant Crow!
Okay, last question.
I’m assuming that at the end of the contract/deal thing, our demon partner would devour us?
(and how could we get the Angels? Is that based on our moral compass?)
Ah, sorry for my rambling…I really need to restrain myself more.
Heh, not going to lie, the idea of contracting demons and things going down were inspired by it a bit. I was watching a bit of it when the idea hit and I started to plot.
Nah, that isn’t too spoiler-ish, that is a big part of the plot of finding out the WHY, it’s part of the driving force, so the plan is that the reader is going to find why all this happen, and what it had to do with them.
Oh, no, no, no. That doesn’t happen at the hospital, when it starts up at the hospital it actually is after they made the contract, and their demon rescues them. The chunk after it will be sort of like a flash back/character building bit, that leads up to them remembering them making a deal, about to write it off as I bring the story back to the present after the prolog, They about to brush it off before their demon comes in.
Viper: Will walk in with the doctor, masquerading as the MC’s roommate or Girlfriend (depending on preference, it by no means put them on the romance track, it’s just her style.) w
Layish: A lot like Viper’s, pretending to be their brother, or boyfriend, they both do this after having altered the documents when the MC first arrived to the hospital to be their emergency contact, when their grandparents can’t be reached, so giving them full reign of the MC’s room to look after them/Make sure nothing else tries to creep in while they are weak.
Crow: Plays doctor, white coat and all, walking in with the nurse, playing the role of concerned physician and old family friend for the staff. He could have simply used magic to alter things, warp minds and do as he likes. This was more for his entertainment, and he likes to micromanage. I mean REALLY likes to micromanage.
Usa: Usa pretended to be a police officer, so she could stand guard and hover whenever the doctors and nurses went in and out.
(this won’t be their main cover it’s just how they made their first step in blending in with humans and making sure their ‘charge’ was properly taken care of and publicized to give anyone pause to try the move again with them in the public eye.)
Gosh darn it! Outa my house pedospider! Out!
He does seem like Claude…crap…I might need to go in there and eddit a bit, he is still rpetty diffrent to Claude in actual personality, Though I might make him a ginger now…just out of spite.
Maaaaaaaaayyyyybeee, Maybe not, who knows what would happen if a demon devour a soul, or if that is the only thing that can be done. It’s sorta spoiler-ish, but I can say not all path’s lead to death. ;D
The angles can’t be contracted, though I have one in mind that after this whole thing is finish I might go in and add in. Though you will meet angels. Angles are a very Moral gray, just like demons. a big thing I want to play with is not everything is black and white and not all things are completely good or bad/ that there are very few absolutes to the rule. You can be the sweetest person ever and still be contracted to the demon, you know I just don’t think I’d suggest bring some of them into the church with you if your MC goes to confessionals (or maybe now I’m getting ideas for bad fun, that could have the MC noping all the way out the doors.) What I’m, in my rambly way trying to say, my ideal outcome right now is being able to give freedom where your moral compass can be wherever you like, you can be religious or not, you can lean towards the light side of the spectrum or the dark, you can be kind, or crule, sane or psychotic. I’m going to try my darndist at least.
Nah it’s alright I like questions! And hey if you haven’t notice I ramble pretty bad myself. XD
ALSO I’m thinking about giving the MC an option to name the demons/their mortal name or save myself the effort and give them names they assume on their own.