You’re down and out, the lowest of the low, homeless and destitute. You’ve lost everything to the visions of demons and Hell that hound you. Nothing has made the visions go away. Only when you’re at your lowest do you begin to understand that the visions are very real. You’re about to enter into the world of the damned, and either you’ll be consumed by it or you’ll triumph.
Above is only a very brief description of the game so as to not reveal too much before I get a chance to solidify it. The game has some horror themes, but they’re not intense (at least not so far). Although it may seem counter-intuitive the main character can be a good person. There are plans to include relationships. In fact, the characters’ reactions to your choices greatly influence the story.
The link below contains mild swearing and religious themes. Understand that nothing in the game reflects my own religious beliefs or opinions. I’m merely playing around with the idea of the Christian Hell in a fictional universe that doesn’t reflect reality.
I do need feedback. I feel as if I’ve tested it as thoroughly as I can manually, but errors are still bound to show up. Please post any errors, opinions, thoughts, feelings, whatever on anything below in the thread.
Conversations in this game tend to sprawl and are dependent upon a lot of different variables. The goal is to make the conversations feel alive and for the characters to seem interactive, but not all of the transitions may be smooth, or there may be a bug that causes a character to skip what they’re supposed to say or say the wrong thing. If you suspect this has happened then please report the issue below!
I can’t get randomtest or autotest to work for me. I’ve had to test it mostly by myself, which is rather difficult. I try to test as thoroughly as possible, but I do need help.
I look forward to any and all feedback! Don’t be afraid to report an issue! I need the help!
This is a very interesting concept! I’m curious as to where you’ll go with what you have so far, both with Justinia herself and the MC’s reaction- also as to why there are demons everywhere.
How much of the story have you planned? Does our MC have a family the miss/are happy to be rid of?
Anyway, i wish you good luck and continued inspiration!
The MC’s family becomes crucial to the plot, actually.
I have the overall story planned out. For one, the MC takes on a role similar to Justinia in damning people on Earth. It is sort of like being a reaper, but more complex. The MC’s main job isn’t just taking sinners to Hell. Rather the MC’s role will be that they’ll manipulate in some way sins and inner feelings people ALREADY possess in order to push them toward being damned. The MC is meant to manipulate people to sin whom already have the tendency to sin. That’s where the MC’s skills come in: destruction, knowledge, and manipulation. The MC will be assigned specific people to push toward damnation. At first they report to Justinia.
The MC can resist and attempt to redeem themself and become a good person, but if they’re not careful their resisting their fate too much can lead to the sickness stat rising. The MC can be a good guy and possibly escape Hell, but it’s difficult given the circumstances.
The MC’s isn’t damned to Hell for any reason they or Justinia know of. Also the MC isn’t necessarily damned because they are a bad person. This is also an important part of the plot.
Justinia certainly has a past, but her opening up will be very gradual. There are other characters I’ll introduce in chapter two.
So i’m guessing you’ll address the result of the sickness stat later on!
Also one more question: what does the choosing of the personality (if you take the test) do? Would it influence some ‘kneejerk’ reactions?
Originally the test results were intended to do just that, but presently they don’t. They simply serve the function of introducing Justinia. Also, if the player picks up on the subtle clues and the right options they may realize that the test was originally intended for Dr. Thornton, Justinia’s professor. Justinia created the test to make Thornton feel guilty about his cheating on his wife with her, an act that lead to his wife’s suicide. Justinia knows that if she drives him to sin, makes him feel guilty then he will damn himself to Hell (which is what happened).
Nobody manipulated/pushed the MC to damnation. The MC is actually a special case.
The sickness stat is your sanity. If you resist your fate of damnation too much then your sickness will rise. You can’t work for Hell and deal with the burden of a guilty conscious without some consequence. An MC who wants to escape Hell and be a good person will constantly be fighting the sickness stat.
So much rambling on my part! But thanks for asking!
Great concept. Found a few typos. I am bolding the words with what I think is the correct spelling, but if I’m wrong do point it out.
"Dr. Thornton,
I created a generel outline of how I think this psychiatry stuff goes. Tests generally ask obvious questions with obvious answers and people lie and pick the responses that lead to the results they subconsciously or consciously want. We’re a nation of hypochondriacs. We have a lot of problems. This test caters to the dumb asses who take tests like this. They won’t learn anything about themselves. Nobody will know them any better, but at least we can get them on a bunch of pills and set them on their merry way.
The typos are actually intentional. The character who made the test is lazy. I’ll be sure to try to make it clearer in the narration that those are intentional.
But I really do appreciate the feedback. Thank you.
This looks really interesting so far! It gives me a sort of Hellblazer/John Constantine vibe, very awesome >D I’m really looking forward to how it’ll go, like what sort of things the MC will be able to do in Hell and also to learn more about Justinia!
I don’t know if this is the type of feedback you wanted, but here’s a couple spelling/grammar things I picked up:
teaching children the Classical education (“giving” not “teaching”)
Pity shined in his grandfatherly eyes (“shone” not “shined”)
Formerly had been a man/woman of God’s word (should have a “you had” at the beginning, I think)
made a wage that barely paid the bills (“earned” not “made”?)
You’d crack up in front of all the employees (I’m not sure “crack up” is the right term to use - maybe “break down”?)
“example” of how one can fall so far (maybe, “example” of how far one could fall?)
If only those parents knew whom you used to be (“who” not “whom”)
The demons flitting around are covered top to bottom (covered from top to bottom)
Justinia put her hoodie on at some point, avoiding most of downpour. (Justinia had put her hoodie on at some point, avoiding most of the downpour)
Also just in general, when you’re talking about past events I noticed the tense you use can be a bit variable, switching between the preterite “knew” to the imperfect “had known” (it’s very nitpicky, sorry! and not that important but it’s just something I saw)
I thought it was interesting. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Here are two little things that jumped at me :
In the teacher path, one thing I didn’t get was the phrase “overly-precise helicopter parent”. It’s not a big deal but… why precise? Like, rich folks use rulers for all their measurements, and the rest of just hazard a guess?
In the religious path, after the questionnaire : “Pretty much, your a non-person.” (Should be “you’re.”)
Thank you, now I have three demon WIPS to look forward to, can’t wait for more chapters.
So I don’t go to hell just for being evil? Happy days, but that’s up for debate, how good or bad is it for us in hell? @LacetheDisgrace
Indeed the MC is an exceptional case. It’s quite possible that the MC has never done wrong in their life and they are still damned. And Hell can be okay for the right kind of MC. The key is to keep the sickness stat down by the MC not resisting their fate too much. If the sickness rises too high then Hell itself starts fighting against the MC.
You can, but it coints as “resisting” your fate and raises your sickness stat. Also, you have a specific job to do on Earth and those in Hell won’t be happy about you not doing it. That’s not to say it’s hopeless. It’s just going to be more difficult to go down that way, but it can work out if you play your cards right. You certainly can escape Hell. You can come out on top.
Your powers are tied to your stats. Destruction is tied to your ability to be forceful, scary and threatening. Manipulation is more sweet-talking and charm. Knowledge is knowing and understanding the life of your target sinner and the sin your target sinner already has. It helps to who the actually is. For example, you can find out if the sinner is a liar and a cheat through research and intuition. You can poke around and find out their history, family, etc. you can go the manipulative route and talk to the target, subtly pushing them down the dark path before damning them. Or you can be scary and intimidating in a more obvious way.
There’s subplots to pursue. The characters each have their own personalities and agendas. There are avenues to escape Hell or rule it. There’s also a way to discover the reason for your own unorthodox damnation.
Yes. Justinia is. None of the other romances have been introduced. I’m hoping to include all sorts of romantic and non-romantic interactions in the story. Your MCs position forces them to interact with a lot of people, hellish and regular folks.
now off to rambling: