So I’ve started on this game called Devil’s Way. And yes, as you can guess, or as the title says, it’s a working title, and I’m horrible at names so I’m still trying to search for an appropriate title. This game is set in the Middle Ages, when knights and kings and all that stuff are still around, and it’s about you (the protagonist) making a ‘deal’ with a demon, giving you power over an one of the four elements.
This game relies mostly on the morality paths that the player takes, so if you’ve ever played inFamous, then the morality system is kind of like that. Except, however, I’m also adding in the Chaotic & Lawful morality so that the player can have two extra endings, as well as a few more depending on a major event later on in the game, that I’m not going to spoil just yet.
The catch is, however, normal townspeople believe that doing any sort of magic or sorcery will deem you as working with the Devil, so even if you have good intentions, if you’re not careful, you may be either hunted out of the town or even killed. So this will definitely put some kind of pressure on the character’s actions.
I’ve so far finished off the introduction chapter/prologue. It’s kind of long for a prologue, but if you guys have enough time to look through or something to give opinions about the writing style as well as the characters, then I’d appreciate it!
…Ahem. Sorry 'bout that.
You seem ta have a habit of using the same nouns again and again in a small space - you use the word ‘darkness’ three times in the first page, and I vaguely remember ya using ‘mind’ twice later on. You could refer to that indirectly with “it” or just use a thesaurus, I suppose. Ya could also use more punctuation to make sentences shorter when thin’s are tense or serious.
I don’t know why the female demon hits on a character I’d think to be female and straight but perhaps succubi and incubi are bisexual and dun care ‘bout that, I ‘ave no idea. The story’s only just started after all, so I dunno anythin’ ta comment!
However, I love this already. Really lookin’ forward to it, wish ya the best of luck.
Fun playthrough so far. Hope to see more updates soon!
@Bagelthief Never heard of a gay or bisexual individual hitting on a straight person? As a gay person I’ve hit on straight women accidentally and purposefully (because you never know if someone might be curious enough). Just because your character is straight doesn’t mean others are within a narrative, and may act accordingly pending how the author writes the characters and what personality traits they give said characters. And succubi and incubi are sexual demons, so one would think they’re very well versed in differing sexual orientations, and likely would not be as limited as a typical human (or even care to be). The fun of a demon is that they’re essentially spirits (or spiritual entities), and thus can often be–or at least appear to be–whatever they want/need to be in the eyes of mankind to manipulate them.
Beautiful!! I’m very excited about the story. I love unraveling a good mystery especially when I can be a sword wielding fire sorceress. Lol keep up the good work
I got the same error as Drazen. Also, on that same choice, picking reading as the activity I did not participate in set me in an eternal loop of decreasing Intelligence as picking reading puts you back at that same choice over and over as long as you keep selecting reading. Lol, I got negative 40% Intelligence before clicking on swordsmanship and getting the other error Drazen mentioned above.
@everyone Oops. Alright, it’s edited now! Should be fine, sorry!
@BagelThief Well, I assume this one succubus is bisexual. I was originally thinking of putting an incubus if you played as a female, but then the dialogues would change and all and it would be too much of a hassle.
Oh no! A pet peeve of mine is when female NPCs are bisexual and will hit on the player regardless of gender, and will speak at length about her sexuality, yet every single male NPC is straight and would never dream of doing such a thing. See DragonAge 2 and the uproar about Anders hitting on the PC, yet no uproar about Isabella. It often strikes me as either lazy writing, or as a double standard.
Admittedly I haven’t played your game yet so I’ve no idea how you implement things.
Rather than incubus for women, succubus for men, you could offer the player the ability to choose. While I’ve seen gender-switches implemented interesting ways, I also like having everyone with set genders and set sexualities as opposed to player-centric.
@Random not that much of a hassle, I imagine, since Succubi and Incubi are basicly gender flip versions of each other. In some stories I’ve read they’ve even been the same entity, who just appears different depending on how they want themselves to look or how their prey wants them to look. As long as you keep it flirty, the dialogue should stay the same, just got to change some he/shes and man/womans. Just my opinion though, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.
@Fairygodfeather Maker’s breath did Isabella bug me, not because she’s a girl hitting on me but because she wouldn’t stop. Even time I talked to her she was like “hey can I dock my ship in your port?” “no, Isabella, no. I don’t want to catch scurvy or something.” “sooooo that’s a maybe.” and then she decides to abandon me right before we fought the Qunari because I was one bloody point under. Don’t get me started on the Fade. I know she’s a pirate for hire but really? Zevran was hired to Kill you and he was more loyal. Sorry going off topic, I just really don’t like Isabella. But by their nature, Incubi and Succubi don’t really have a sexuality (heck, they’re prime examples of PC-sexual characters)
@FairyGodfeather Well, it’s not like she’s going to go at length about her sexual preference. More like she wouldn’t mind if the protagonist wants to strike up romance, and that’s how she acts towards everybody, so xD
@Katgirl64 & @Drazen Hm… I’ll think about it. I’m kind of reluctant because the character in my head is already set as female but… We’ll see.
Your English is a bit awkward, although it’s perfectly understandable, there’s a few turns of phrase that just struck me as a little odd.
I think you could gender-switch the succubus. I will admit that I like gender-switching demons who shapechange to get their own way. However, if she’s female in your mind feel free to keep her as female. Just also be sure to include male love interests as well.
“Me? Oh, no, darling, I’m not that fat, old guy. He doesn’t match my tastes, he’s too uptight for a fragile woman like me.”
That sentence struck me as off, especially with the use of the word ‘fragile’ it didn’t seem to match with ‘uptight’.
It also says I let go of my sword when I get the wind power, however I don’t think I had a sword.
It’s not gripped me strongly yet, but it does have potential. I think with the real start of the story yet to begin it’s hard to make a judgement.
Also, with your sister appearing as dead right at the start, you lose any emotional impact you might gain from the revelation that she’s killed along with the rest of your family.
I think in the case of this game you’d be better to resequence things and tell them chronologically.
As a gay person I’ve hit on straight women accidentally and purposefully (because you never know if someone might be curious enough). Just because your character is straight doesn’t mean others are within a narrative, and may act accordingly pending how the author writes the characters and what personality traits they give said characters. And succubi and incubi are sexual demons, so one would think they’re very well versed in differing sexual orientations, and likely would not be as limited as a typical human (or even care to be). The fun of a demon is that they’re essentially spirits (or spiritual entities), and thus can often be–or at least appear to be–whatever they want/need to be in the eyes of mankind to manipulate them.