Systems(working title) WIP (space western)


#1

Not alot to it yet, alot of it is still place holders as I’m working on getting junk together but it’s enough to get an idea of the direction. It is very very rough still.
https://dashingdon.com/play/mtderby/systems/mygame/index.php?cb=37638(OUT DATED)

New updated link: https://dashingdon.com/play/mememe/systems/mygame/index.php?cb=41533

This may not be needed now thanks to Bjorked’s advice, just leaving it up incase
:rotating_light: (Due to updating issues with dashingdon, an issue I’m having I should say, you have to open in an incognito or private window to get the updated version. I’ll look for an alternative way to go about it.)
(Another quick fix)
I believe i fixed typos and reported bugs, thanks for your time and feedback!

Future prospects…
So I’ll keep an eye on this if any other bugs are reported I’ll hop right on it, other than that I’m going to plug away on the next demo which I intend to refine much more. Next demo will have:
I promise I will be much more aware of spelling and grammar
Break up text walls
A glossary for terms that are otherwise only defined by context
Next “main story” bit which I think has some stuff that a few of you were concerned about
And more of the “side story” stuff and this sorta sub mechanic type of thing that I think will be really cool and add a neat aspect to overall game and story.
And a more tidy stat screen

Not sure how long this will all take, likely a few weeks, but it will be done soon. Again, thank you guys for taking the time and giving me such helpful feedback, as this is my first attempt and I feel like I’ve learned a lot from the feedback(especially thank you Tuhin).


First WIP, gauging interest, Space Western
#2

@mtderby
A couple of typos I found:

mankind has become a space farring species.

Faring

so the put all of Earth’s remaining resources into Mars.

They


#3

Thanks for the heads up, yeah ive done zero proof reading so far, just wanted to get the idea sort of out there so everything is messy but you can see where its going


#4

‘They’


#5

Well if Earth did have significant resources left then why would it be sentimental achievement?


#6

I chose that I was from Camden.


#7

Got this error when I chose the ear piercing.


#8

The universe that you created is certainly interesting. I would recommend that you add some back story on the MC’s childhood and home planet and the choice where you chose your first skill seems too direct, if you could change that I believe that would be nice.


#9

‘Necessary’


#10

Got this when I chose to go to the bridges, don’t know if it is a bug or the end of the game.


#11

Thanks for all the feed back, yeah im not terribly concerned about spelling and grammar just yet, more just fuction, the earth is purely sentimental as it has little to no real value other than being our homeworld, bridge should have worked but i believe i know exactly where i boned up, will have that fixed and updated soon as i get off work


#12

Really appreciate you taking the time by the by


#13

Well I believe that the line stated that Earth has significant resources left. Does that not make it valuable? If you want to make it seem that Earth was a sentimental achievement then shouldn’t you say that Earth has a limited amount of resources left?


#14

Oh hahaha yeah thay is a concerning typo, ill fix the immediately as well, thank you, also with mcs back story that bit is intentional, options for that are going to be further down the road(wanted to present it in a certain way) and that mother skill choice was mostly for testing, the is two neat bits under go to quarters(its a random thing and three of the five are just place holders) but if ya hit on police or distress it can play out a few different ways depending on skill, dice roll, and choice(unfortunately until i get the bridge fixed there is no way to get rid of warrents)


#15

Yay! So far, I am really enjoying this and I’m looking forward to seeing what you come up with.

Just a note regarding spelling and grammar, even though you’ve stated you’re not worried about them yet, there are some people who may be put off by what they percieve as an overabundance of errors and may not be willing to give the story a second chance. You don’t have to have it perfect, but try not to totally dismiss the importance of spelling and grammar even in the early stages of a story.

Second, I just want to echo what @Tuhin_Subhra_Maity said about developing backstories and character development. A one dimensional character, whether it be a main or supporting character, soon loses the readers interest and so I’m glad that you said you had a plan regarding this and I’m looking forward to seeing what it is.


#16

Cool beans! Glad you are enjoying it, thanks for the feed back, this is my first attempt at this so im really fumbling along, had not thoughtof it like that with spelling and grammar (just figured it being wip and all) so ill get those pointed out taken care of this afternoon with the errors and ill be more mindful of that in the future, thanks for the tip


#17

Well for your first time you are doing really well. I’ve already played it through multiple times, and I love how making different choices, really impacts upon the game. :slight_smile:


#18

Well thank you! I know its pretty messy right now but i do aim to please


#19

This looks very promising so far!

Quick suggestion from my first playthrough: the intro is basically an overwhelming block of text right now. Perhaps there’s a way to break it up into several paragraphs, make it more interesting?


#20

I’ll put in more line breaks and see if that helps.