Just have to say, the amount of ellipses in the dialogue bothers me.
Some typos here and there, but it’s pretty good so far. I’m looking forward to what else you’ll have as you progress.
Got this one, but I’m assuming this is still a wip part?
I apologize, in retrospect I rushed doing this preview. I really should have made certain everything was in better order, but that one I can fix right now
Got that error sorted SpencerDee. Yeah everything is wip and again, I really should have proof read before this(most of it I just typed out and hardly glance at it other than checking to see if specific things had worked). On the ellipses, I should have done better in presenting terms and such, I will work on that.
Thank you for taking the time to test it and the feedback
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Future prospects…
So I’ll keep an eye on this if any other bugs are reported I’ll hop right on it, other than that I’m going to plug away on the next demo which I intend to refine much more. Next demo will have:
I promise I will be much more aware of spelling and grammar
Break up text walls
A glossary for terms that are otherwise only defined by context
Next “main story” bit which I think has some stuff that a few of you were concerned about
And more of the “side story” stuff and this sorta sub mechanic type of thing that I think will be really cool and add a neat aspect to overall game and story.
And a more tidy stat screen
Not sure how long this will all take, likely a few weeks, but it will be done soon. Again, thank you guys for taking the time and giving me such helpful feedback, as this is my first attempt and I feel like I’ve learned a lot from the feedback(especially thank you Tuhin).
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*Fixed
Go to quarters 404 error
Note: 3 of the 5 possible troubles are place holders, the two that are filled out are Police and Distress Call
Marketplace issues and added items
*Added
Possible bounty hunter encounter to cantina(if you have a bounty on you)
*Improved
Stat screen
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Things are progressing well, depending on how long to it takes to dig out typos and such(cannot get dsspellcheck to work on notepad plus for some reason so have to go through it all the old fashion way) i might have this demo/preview updated by the end of next week. So let me know of any errors and ill get them fixed as well.
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As you walk up on the scene, Frank has his hands up and his pistol is pointing to the darkening sky. stands in front of him, with his own pistol pointed at Frank’s forehead.
You shake your head, “You’ve tested my patience Frank…”
Awesome(and atrocious on my part), thank you so much for taking the time to go through and put all this up for me! I’ll get all these corrections made and update the link. I’m really hoping that as I go, there will be less and less of these mistakes, but in the mean time I appreciate the help!
(EDIT)
Alright so I was thinking I had fixed some of this and thought maybe I boned up but it turns out that Dashingdon seems to have trouble with cached .txt files and so the things I’ve been updating aren’t updating. Looking through the forums, I found an easy fix, thank you JimD, is to just open the link as private or incognito and you get the updated version. I’ll look for an alternative but for the mean time, that is the best way to go. Thank you guys and sorry for the confusion.
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By the by, there is one smuggler job(hardly tested) that slipped in when I went to update for typos. It’s a random roll under “look for work” so you got a one in five shot of hitting it but if someone does mess with it, feedback is always good for me!
P.S. to complete the artifact job, head to mars, then to other(it can play out a few different ways after that)
The concept is good…It has a certain Freelancer feeling…
Found some assorted typos/ change of verb-tense problems…
Not only had humanity continue on, it thrived on Mars.
Should be something like, ‘Humanity not only survived, it flourished on Mars.’
This changes verb tense halfway through
A loose governing body was formed call The Union of Republic Systems and most of traveled space is under their jurisdiction.
The easiest way to fix this is to just make two smaller sentences.
Not technically an error, just a little redundant,
My handy Semi-Automatic Handgun
My very handy Fully-Automatic Handgun
Maybe pick a different adjective…
I think this is supposed to be ‘You look around the bar…, so you get up and wander…’
You look are the bar and do not see him, so you get up and wonder outside…
Should say ‘your imagination’…
You shake it off, must have been you imagination.
Missing word is ‘tape’ I think…
In the trunk is a young woman with duct wrapped thoroughly around her mouth
I think this would read better if only the planet names were choices…
…You did not know Abby all that well, only by casual conversation really, but one of the boys said she was from your home planet, Earth.
…You did not know Abby all that well, only by casual conversation really, but one of the boys said she was from your home planet, an Earthlike world called Camden.
This should be sheriff …
got gunned down by the sherif himself
It’s angrily…
Abby says almost angerily
This case should be ‘hear’
you here someone shout “Hey you!”
should be their…
“They got there own…”
Talking about distinguishing features… should have 1 ‘d’
A Piercedd Ear
Got this error message:
starter3 line 641: bad label smug4cc
The typo is beauty- should be beautiful…
the bartender, a beauty young black woman, arrives with his drink
The word you’re looking for is African-american.
There’s another thing- it’s not really wrong, just matter of opinion…
People have theorized that humans will change physically once in (if we ever get to) space.
To sum it up, they’re suggesting that there won’t really be ‘races’ so much as a nearly uniform ‘mixed race.’
Check out these articles about it.
Overall, it seems like it has a good backbone for the story and just needs fleshing out…
I like it so far! 
3 Likes
Hey thanks for all the notes! I wont get a chance to go thru em properly until later today(skimmed them) but already a thing or two has me saying “oh duh” yeah the race thing, im actually avoiding saying anything country related(african, chinese so forth) as i figured these wouldnt really be in use anymore(no africa no china etc) but i feel like i need to describe skin color here and there because i dont want a lando ( only black sude in the originals) situation hahaha
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My WIP is also posted on Dashingdon. What works for me is to just completely close the browser after I upload the new (updated) files and then open it again… Hope that helps 
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Hey sorry, I’m being pressed with a lot of junk at work and filling in with some stuff above my level so I haven’t gotten to do anything past couple of days but I’ll be back on within the weekend here(and get that stuff fixed that Bjorked pointed out) thank you guys. OH and thanks for that tip Bjorked, I’ll take a crack on that!
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Looks like an interesting premise, at least, what I was able to play before running into bugs. I look forward to more.