Try out the superhero life as a speedster! I’ve been working on this for a couple hours along with about an hour of reading about choice script. Just a first chapter so far. Anyway enjoy what’s there. Feel free to ask questions and leave suggestions.
Each chapter will basically be a comic book issue so there will be a lot of chapters, and multiple arcs of your hero. With one overall arc where everything culminates into a finale.
The game is way to Fast paced (see what I did there ). You gotta slow it down…we basically know nothing about the world and our character and we are already a superhero?
All we know is that we are a supposed “superhero” who can run very, very fast and…we have this hot friend named Elizabeth which we also don’t know anything about.
I would say flesh out the story a little more give a chapter or two of just pre-hero story.
the Story seems really similar to the Heroes Rise Trilogy, is this inspired by it?
p.s. why would our Mom give us a hoodie and jeans as a superhero costume? lol
@RyseAbove you should rise above such feeble, sub-sonic puns. I could see them come a mile away.
But I agree, it is fast-paced and could benefit from more of an introduction. Evidently we are one among many powered, but that was almost peripherally mentioned. Hungry minds wish for more knowledge.
Playing as a straight female it felt like it kept trying to get me into a relation with Elisabeth, by the bye. Already stated she’s nothing more than my friend, so I don’t want to make out, thanks.
Same with the ‘barely legal’ outfit, not sure dear old mum would like that. Perhaps we can either a) receive a default one that we can alter or b) made our own, like Spider-Man?
Overall, I like it - can never have too many super-hero games in my humble opinion. So please keep at it.
I like the idea but are you entirely sure you wanna make a game where the protagonist has super speed?
I mean, a story with a character as fast as Flash ( I know that we still don’t know just how fast the MC is, but it’s still super speed) has to be one of the hardest stories to write, with all the situations they can solve so quickly.
Again, I like the idea, I’m just sayin’.
And I agree with everyone else about pacing… Gotta go slow(er).
I just updated chap 1 added some history and adjusted a little language not much else. Working on chapter 2. MC’s history will be add in chap 2. Elizabeth’s history probably too.
@Talkingtaco Your right about it being a problem but I’m up for the challenge, and as you mentioned it’s like the Flash. They’ve made hundred of comics for that so there are ideas there.
Just a quick look, I like it and would like to suggest two things.
Put in a couple of female names too, if only to let players know they can choose female later. Perhaps a couple of gender neutral too.
After this paragraph:
Your goal is to one day join the illustrious group, but first you have to go tell your mom the good news. How do you get home?
When you get the choices, the first one reads Run! I’m the fast man alive! (In my opinion) (-5 energy) even though I picked female. Also, it should be fastest instead of fast.
Good with some background, I understand the world you made better now.
A lot of potential. The character creation at the beginning was still too fast. Sorry for the pun. I also did not know Pulse or Bolt were names for my superheroine, I’d rather chose a custom name.
The first job was also extremely fast paced - I chose the third option to solve the problem; it was a nice and “fun” choice but I really got this tongue - in - cheek feel to it.
The old guy taking place of my father, especially with him being key to my father’s downfall would be something that I’d be extremely angry about … between him and Elizabeth being the daughter of my Father’s foil… I really felt put in an artificial situation.
Sorry for the critique. I feel there is a lot of good potential here but the jump-off points are on swampy ground for me.
Just finished playing again. I like it even though it is still, as @Zolataya pointed out, still moving along too fast (pun potentially intended, oh my).
Take you time with the scenes, you got a good foundation but the pacing needs work. Such as the meeting, it is like the opening if you bypass the background information - I found myself there, wondering who this guy is and why am I trusted with this, a potential kidnapping. As a reader/player I felt I needed more information and more time to process it. While an author usually strive to be concise and deliver information quickly it can be overdone, in my opinion. Spin out the scenes more, elaborate. Not with empty spaces, so to speak, but with information that you no doubt have in your head - and that us players do not, unless you tell us.
Also agreed with the take on the old man that I may or may not resent, depending on what I choose earlier.
The basic idea is good, as is the ‘plot’ of the first mission - it’s the the pacing need work. You can do it, I’m sure, sorry if my feedback is a bit confused or such, I am no expert at these things. Just don’t give up, all right?
). You gotta slow it down…we basically know nothing about the world and our character and we are already a superhero?
which we also don’t know anything about.
