Speed (WIP superhero game)

Okay now I have some time!

@Zolataya There should be an option to custom name hero. I’m expanding the third option in the fight a little. I’m also adding more options about Henry and eventually you’ll be able to break ties with him, and basically anyone else you want. Except for your mom. And I love critiques your not going to hurt my feelings:)

@Taylor_Enean Man you are active. I love it. I really need to work on my pace. Thanks again.

Not to be offensive, but I don’t like the choice of “kissing my girlfriend goodnight” if it’s the only one there. Maybe just say the player is going to do so, with no choice, or remove the other ones completely. Seeing there was only one choice there made me want to go back, and not have Elizabeth be my girlfriend. :couple:

Okay thanks for replying. Just out of curiosity why does the one choice bother you?

I don’t really know. I just feel like if there were a bunch of small variables that add up to choice, I’d be more fine with it.
I think its the fact that I don’t want to have Elizabeth as a girlfriend once I see all those grayed out options, I had to go back and “fix the problem”. Makes sense?
It also might be that having one choice remove all those other choices kinda irked me.
Makes sense? :ok_hand:

Yeah I understand now

Changes made to chapters 1 and 2. Added expanded Stoneface fight and introduced new character…among other small changes

Just a couple of quick notes as I speed past (har har). :grin:

This:

“Alex get up! It’s your first day of being a hero!” Your mom’s voice from downstairs rouses you from your sleep. You grin as you remember yesterday. You roll of bed and throw on your superhero suit. You admire how you look in the mirror. “Get ready world…” You put on your mask, as is required by law. “Here Streak comes.” You rush downstairs careful to not burn the floor. The smell of bacon and eggs invade your nostrils. “Smells good mom.” You eat your plate in seconds and let out a burp. “Thanks mom. Love you.” You kiss her on cheek and bolt outside. “Be safe!” She yells after you. You grin and speed around the block in a second. You stop suddenly and sigh. This is great, but it’s time to make
some cash!

It could use being split up for ease of reading, I believe. Plus it still feels a bit rushed, unavoidable pun and all.

Later on we go to see Henry, but it feels like that comes ‘like a flash from a clear sky’, to roll with the puns. We read about Titan before, but then we go to see this Henry fellow. I half expected to go see Titan, to be honest, and was unfamiliar with Henry - unless he is this ‘retired detective’ mentioned in conjunction with Titan.

Evidently Henry helped me a mum, but how, I don’t know at this point, so I don’t know how to feel about him when asked to do so. As earlier, you no doubt know all this in your head, but as a player I don’t unless you clue me in. :relaxed:

Next the end of this fight, the rescue and the return of the daughter all happens in one paragraph. Much rush there be. Slow and steady, take your time to deliver this, and - to help show passage of time, if you will - use paragraphs.

Thereafter comes what feels like a missing scene, after I choose how I feel about meeting Titan. The next thing I know, Henry is mad at him because… No idea, but evidently Titan could have killed me?

Oh and Henry and Titan refers to my character as ‘he’ regardless of my gender choice throughout that page, including asking if I am ‘my father’s son’.

That’s it, got to run. :grin:

I will answer your questions right now as i also have to speed past.

  1. Henry and 'retired decetive fellow are the same person. I’ll make that more clear.
    2.I don’t know why the Titan scene is like that. I’ll give it another look
  2. Gender issues as always.
    Just overall ill clear things up

Is no one going to mention that this is just a re-skin of Community College Hero with worse grammar and spelling, locked gender and sexuality and without the interesting no powers angle? Cause I’m going to.

Wow you’re pleasant…

If anything it takes its inspiration Heroes Rise.

Oh well, don’t bother worrying about someone who won’t phrase their complaints more constructively, Speed. Sure it’s got a ways to go yet, but taking a a super speed game is quite a task and I for one respect what you’re trying to do. Keep up the hard work :slightly_smiling:

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Yeah… @MocktheWeek6, surely you meant Heroes Rise, which the author’s already copped to earlier in the thread. The echoes of HR are all over. I didn’t see a lot that reminded me of CCH.

I had a choice of gender (including non-m/f, which is less locked than the average COG offering even these days).

I’m curious; as a part-time writer yourself, have you personally found criticism helpful when delivered in abrasive jerk mode?

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I see everyone is having a good time…

@MocktheWeek6 Its called a work in progress for a reason, but try to take it easy man:)

@olo17jr Will do:)

@Havenstone Hey love CoR. Looking forward to the rest of it.

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Thanks! Writing it as we speak (well, I will be again in a few secs). Hope to push an update soon.

The opening question in your own game (Run! Run? Run) is terrific, btw. :slight_smile:

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Brevity … :slightly_smiling: (20?)

Happy now? :slight_smile: (+20…)

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Occasionally now? (20+)

Anyways, I’ve had a quick playthrough and man things went a little fast (lol puns.) It has great potential though, superspeed is a difficult power to work with since you could literally get everything done in two pages :laughing: best of luck to you!

I don’t really get how you are comparing this to cch(awesome story BTW)
Unlike cch we actually have powers and we don’t attend a superhero college.
Only thing in common is that we have Superheroes​:tada::tada:
Kinda sad how people mix up insults and constructive criticism.

Of course, silly me. Having the same costume choices and the dad as a villain where you become a superhero. No similarities at all.

You are aware that “Archnemesis Dad” is a pretty common trope, are you?

Yeah, but finding petty flaws in things is what I do.