Well, you could word it in a more constructive way. That would actually make it helpful.
4 Likes
I was wondering when someone would mention that.
I thought it was obvious. 
Well, got to run! 
I liked it a lot, it was interesting enough… I would just point out to make sure you go back and reread it whenever you’re ready because there some misspellings, though they were predominantly at the beginning.
And like everyone else I do agree that your pace is too fast, which can easily be fixed by just adding some descriptions and information and the MC’s thougths and what not.
Yet still interesting enough and can’t wait for more.
Small update. Changes to chap 1 and 2. First part of chap 3 added.
3 Likes
You pick up the police chief’s daughter and run back to Henry’s* The…
- Need a period.
She won’t stop screaming when you get * Henry’s.
- need a to.
How did I get home?
“Walking *in fine”
- is
Elizabeth *shurgs "To be honest I just want….
- shrugs