Of course I’m pretty sure only a few of you remember me, if any at all.
Anyhow I started working on the games Ruins a few weeks but decided to hold off posting a topic until I actually got a demo up. Even if it is still a complete piece of crap, I’d like to have at least something to show for my work. Something more than just notes like Drifter. I still have 16 pages(and counting) of notes on this world, but atleast now I have a demo to show for my work as well.
Yeah I know, the demo rather shoddy right now, but most of it was sleep deprived work done during ungodly hours. Rest assured I will be going back and polishing it at some point, but for now atleast I have it up. Also the world is barely touched upon at this point, as most of the stuff I put the most time into and have the most plot relevance haven’t even been brought up yet. In addition these are also the things that are the most unique parts of the world so if it seems too stereotypical right now, just wait. Of course if people would prefer I can reveal some of the bigger secrets right now, but that would spoil the surprise the MC will experience.
Finally I want to quickly bring up my previous project, Drifter. First off it is not a dead project, I’ve put too much time and work into it to just kill it. However I am not at all prepared for it. Just one path was looking like it was going to head for the 100k mark and thats without any choices. In addition Ruins had three main paths that would be almost entirely different. That’s already way too many words for a novice writer and coder like me. So I figured I’d put it on hold, and start smaller. Smaller being Ruins.
Anyhow please tear apart the shoddiness of the demo and let me know if you have any questions about the world, I’m more than willing to answer. Also I’ll be putting up a little encyclopedia of sorts in the game itself for people who want to read about the world, however it will only update as your character learns more. Hence at all times you’ll know the things your character does.
@Arcania Thanks, my goal since writing has essentially been to intertwine the narrative with the choices, I want it to be like reading a novel. I’m hoping that’s coming off fine.
No, and that’s been the difficult part. I’ve been trying to balance choices with narrative. Essentially every choice will probably play a role later on and depending on things like your race entire scenes will be different.
However that’s not to say there won’t been an overarching plot, there is one. However your approach, attitude towards it, and well basically everything else is up to you.
More of a beginning and end, with the middle being determined by the player. This is mainly due to the fact that Ruins is being split it into two parts.
Very nice, I plan on splitting mines somewhere near the beginning for the sub-stories. Then intertwining again to main plot then finally splitting into two Can’t wait to see. Like how things are going so far, that includes the theme.
However, just, after all, perhaps, maybe, etc. Be more confident in the details the narrator gives; be it perspective or omniscience, the narrator, for the sake of readabilty, delivers unconditioned facts.
You should explain about the various nations before letting us choose which one we belong to. As it is we’re just taking a stab in the dark as to which one we want. It’s an uninformed choice. I’d suggest against using the term Rroma, find another name for your nomadic people, just as you’ve found another name for the other societies.
You’re a good writer, it’s an interesting world, I think you could do more to pull the reader directly into the story though. At the moment, what you’ve written feels extremely passive. I didn’t feel connected to my character until the point of the attack where I could actually do something.
I think if you were to rewrite the section where we gain our power to make it a little more active that might help a bit. At the moment it just feels like we’re being told what’s going on, not shown.
What you’ve got is good. You’re being too hard on yourself saying that it’s shoddy and crap. It isn’t. It’s good and the passiveness is the only flaw I could see in it, and that’s easily fixed.
@ADNox and @FairyGodfeather Yeah the majority of my work tends to be rather passive, it is definitely something I need to work on. I’ll see what I can do in terms of editing those parts.
In terms of the name of the Rroma People, yeah I’ve been going through so many name choices and still have yet to find one I like, rest assured it will be changing I just need to find a way.
As for the nations, the problem would have been finding an easy way to implement that information easily. The incomplete notes I have on them are already the majority of the pages of notes I have on the world. Hence why what I’ll probably end up doing is just create that encyclopedia, that way people can still read about the nations, but it won’t bog down the narrative with tons of exposition.
Also I’m the harshest person towards my own work, I intentionally avoid editing because whenever I would I’d be rewriting every sentence and eventually lose motivation out of frustration. So yeah even if I, through some miracle, became famous for some work. I’d still hate it. That’s not really liable to change.
Find a way to summarise each of the nations in a single sentence. Does nation provide any sort of stat bonus, or does it have an impact further along? You don’t need to have tonnes of exposition, but I think just giving a little more context will help the choice.
I’m the same about my own work. I’m a terrible critic as well of it.
I think push on to the end. Don’t edit just now if it means that you’ll lose motivation. Leave everything you’ve written just as it is.
The important part is to finish what you’re writing. Thinks like making the game less passive are things you can go back and fix after. Or just keep it in mind as you’re writing so that you can make the player a more active participant in the story.
@FairyGodfeather None of the nations can really be paraphrased due to the complexity I’m trying to put in them. For example try describing America in a single sentence. Now while I can’t say I have reached that level of complexity, they still avoid being summed in a single sentence.
As for what bonuses it may provide, it really affects three things immediately. What you’re called(Damned,Risen,Broken,Gifted), name and the power options. I feel like just typing up that encyclopedia works well enough and seeing as its only four options people could always start over to try a new path if they don’t want to read the sections in the encyclopedia.
I’ll still be doing minor edits and implementing other people’s suggestions, I just can’t go in with my own editing mind.
Also, and this question is for anyone reading, is there any part of the world you guys have questions about. I can answer most things really. I also apologize if it seems extremely generic fantasy right now, I promise that’ll be changing once I get to the Artifacts and Legends.
I’m currently working on the next few scenes which will hopefully start bringing those into the picture.
UPDATE:
(For the maybe three people who read this. =P)
I’m currently at a camp that revolves around building video games however in my spare time I have been working on Ruins. Progress has been slow though, my current scene is a Tavern Scene that will be involving many of the legends as well as actually beginning to bring the Ruins into the game. There should be an interesting surprise for you once you enter the first Ruin. =P
This surprise will be a massive part of the game and the world it takes place in. Not to mention it’ll help explain why the Artifacts are so powerful.
During the Legends I’ll also cover more of why so many fear/hate those with Marks. Not to mention set up just what sort of world this takes place in. Well almost that is, there are still quite a few secrets that will be revealed with time.
tl;dr I’ve been busy, but the part I’m working will help a ton in terms of understanding the world.
I wholeheartedly agree with @FairyGodfeather here. Saying that it is impossible to summarize a nation with a sentence because of- of all things- depth isn’t just wrong, it’s probably counterproductive to what you’re aiming for. If you want depth, you’ve got to have at least some idea of how to make it work.
As for how to summarize the United States of America in a single sentence? I can do that.
“A nation of immigrants from across the ocean, who gave birth to a democratic and capitalist republic in a land as varied as its’ inhabitants.”
You can stereotype countries. You can also list a few short facts. The latter may be preferable for your style of game. If a sentence doesn’t work, use a short paragraph to sum them up then instead.
I’d say, for your style of game, steer clear of the stereotypes and go with the facts. What sort of government? What are they most known for? What’s the climate like? Religion? Military power? Island or continent, located where? Even the USA can be summed up in a couple of sentences.
That camp you’re at sounds great. I wish I was there.
Well I’m back from camp and suffering from post camp depression, but alas atleast now I can resume work on this game.
Also if anyone was curious the camp I was at was ID Tech Camps, they have locations around the United States so you could probably find one in your area if you live there.
Yeah I can phrase them in a few sentence to paint a general picture, the problem comes from actually fitting in those paragraphs before the race choice. I don’t want to bog the reader down with exposition before they even find out who they are. If you guys can think of an easy place for me to add in that information without rewriting the entire opening(Which I’ll probably do at a later point anyway.) I’m all ears.
As for the single sentence summary of the USA, just that what relevant information does that convey. It doesn’t tell much about the USA’s place on the global stage. How inventors from this country have changed much of the world, or the problems the USA has caused in other places. Its a generic statement that could probably be applied to other countries.
Point is that sentence gives next to nothing in terms of information a person a can use.
Can’t wait to see. Like how things are going so far, that includes the theme.