Red Grave - WIP Ideas


#1

Hi guys i am new here but i have studied choice script and know most of it and i am making a story now. Its called Red grave. OK this is a semi-horror and fighting game. it is a little bit similar to unnatural but more like call of duty. I have only made the first scene and the stats and would like to know what people think will improve the game? i cannot give away anymore info about the game or it might ruin the story line so please don’t urge me to do so, because i really want to tell you guys more but i can not


#2

Could we see the first scene, then?


#3

it is very small i guess there wasn’t really a point to make this discussion yet OK i will post the whole demo until then just ignore this discussion i don’t want the games link to go on the next page. Because i don’t want the link hard to find


#4

Ah, finally someone has made a game chronicling the amazing feats of me! :wink: It’s about time, I’ve been doing brilliant deeds for years now!

On a more serious note, it sounds like a good game- a mix of fighting and horror is a good idea, but to give any meaningful advice I’d need more detail and/or a demo. I look forward to seeing one :slight_smile:


#5

lol i never knew there was someone named red grave over here well i can’t rush on the demo. and when people really encourage me to make a game i usually rush so please stop encouraging me. yeah it is a stupid thing to ask but it will help me alot. anyways thanks


#6

Nice Itachi Pic pretty epic :3 from my pic you might notice im a Naruto fan aswell :stuck_out_tongue:

@Redgrave

And congrats to you on for having a game named after you :stuck_out_tongue: must be sweet


#7

oh its zabuzo or watever his name was


#8

OK i would like a mod to close this until i made the demo please so i can put the demo link on a find able place cause it is hard to find a game link if the link is on the 3rd or 4th page, or maybe i can use this discussion for ideas and make a new discussion when the demo is done. what do you guys think should i make a new discussion after?


#9

here is the demo a tip would winning the mission would be a good idea because the mission actually affect the rest of the game her you go:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/118028074/Red%20Grave/mygame/index.html


#10

Oh, the writin’ is soooooo sparse… oy. The spelling’s off, and the grammar is off, despite the fact the game mentioned it’s been checked… twice.
Even “1 years later…”. What? What?
Honesty is cruel: I forced myself through this. Yeah, you might want to recheck ya grammar and also space things out a bit more evenly, ‘specially when someone’s speakin’.
There is also apparently an error at line 41.
However, this does seem like this game has a lotta potential!


#11

R.E. the first page, it’s not ‘grammer’, it’s ‘grammar’! Of all the mistakes I’ve ever seen, that’s the most ironic!

 But the best moment of all was when the coach placed the golden 2012 champions trophy in your
 hand, it's cold bumpy structure felt in your hands. 
it's --> its (i believe) 
 You still remember that great victory it's still in your mind it was your most precious victory.
would sound better as 'You still remember that great victory, it's still in your mind- it was
 your greatest victory. 
esbbl --> ESBBL
esgbl --> ESGBL 

I think the scene mentioned directly above needs to be changed slightly- you should select your gender then your name! It doesn’t make sense having a girl called Jason!

Many more grammar mistakes and sentences that don’t quite sound right, but I don’t have time to point them all out- the ones I’ve mentioned now are a fraction of the total mistakes!

Grammar aside, the story and concept are good although the writing itself is a bit rusty- sentences just don’t sound right, and I think this is due to a lack of punctuation- commas, hyphens, semi-colons, the word ‘and’ etc. could all be used a bit more to keep the sentences flowing smoothly and make it nicer to read.

Although, on the story, I think you need to set the scene a bit more- at times I didn’t quite understand everything, and I felt like important bits of information had been thrust upon me- distracting me from everything else.

Overall, if you can see through the (metaphorically) thick mist of errors, then it’s a good game- but you’ll need a pretty powerful light! Hopefully the weather will clear up in time for the next update!

The game does have good potential, and it could be good, but it needs a lot of work! Don’t give up :smiley:


#12

i won’t give up thanks for pointing it out i do have bad grammar but yeah if you keep pointing it out like that it would be fixed soon enough thank you for pointing it out


#13

and bagelthief its alright you had to point out the truth i will recheck the whole game for mistakes and then publish it again it might take a while i am probably going to take a break first but which part was the error on like what was happening in the story when the error occured


#14

@akatsuki9344 If you send me the script I’ll edit everythin’ myself for you. To the best of my ability, anyways. Enjoy your break.

I forgot where the error occurred.


#15

@Bagel

Why do they call you begalthief?


#16

no thanks bagelthief i would like to do it myself it would fix up my writing abit


#17

By your first post, the game seems fairly interesting. I can’t say more since the game seems to be stuck on the loading screen… >.<


#18

Really, its stuck on loading? thats weird


#19

its stuck… works for me…


#20

Error line 38 cannot fall out of a if statement. First encounter with 3 of them, gunned down first one and went to cut head off when error popped up.