Hello everyone! My name is deers and I’ve been a longtime lurker on the forums and a big fan of CoG and Hosted games for even longer than that! I finally decided to bite the bullet and make a game myself.
This is the first time I’ve ever written a story for public consumption so the process has been more than a little nerve-wracking (but also exciting!)
So with all that introduction stuff out of the way, I’m sure you’d want to know about “Roots”, the story I’m writing!
Plot: You’re just a regular joe-schmoe who works at a diner in Hawaii trying to rub two cents together trying to make ends meet. When a mysterious pearl falls into your hands one rainy night, your life is changed forever.
That’s more or less the basics of it without getting into spoiler territory!
This story will be heavily focused on mythology and urban legends from many different cultures and will have the MC traveling all across the U.S (and beyond) with some companions from different mythologies they can recruit along the way.
12/16/20 - Updated Chapter 2 - Both Routes now completely playable (hopefully!)
A few typos here and there but there is nothing major. It is interesting so far and I look forward to what comes next. You mention mythology, so I have to wonder from what culture/s this will borrow from. Is it going to have something to with Pacific Island mythology, or more vanilla ones like Greek or Roman?
It mostly effects how the MC perceives themselves and might play a role in how some of the romances play out.
Ah oh no! I thought I got most of the typos! I’ll have to look over it again a bit closer and try to find them
It would be sort of silly of me to not include Hawaiian mythology considering the setting. So yes! That will be one of the mythologies I’ll be focusing on at the beginning of the story. Japanese mythology is also another mythology that will be used quite heavily in the next scene.
As for Greek and Roman mythologies, I do plan on including them but probably not until later down the line.
Very promising start! I like the imagery, and your use of personality variables in-text is especially nice. (I might recommend using fair math instead of plain addition for personality variables to avoid any going above 100 or below 0 though.)
I’m looking forward to seeing more!
Some typos I found
You were pretty sure
should be are If you though tonight was bad
should be thought Peter nods his head approving
missing a comma after head these day's not
no apostrophe needed The cars headlights
should be car’s with you landlord to a minimum
should be your You frown fiddling
missing a comma after frown a marble was now resting in
should be is
There were also some issues with dialogue tags and using a period instead of a comma, for example Sorry, Sammy." You say with
should be Sorry, Sammy," you say with
I am glad that the mythology will focus on Hawaii, and other cultures in the pacific. The only reason I asked is because most games use the more popular myths and legends from Greece and Rome. So it will be interesting to have a game that focuses on different cultures.
Thank you for the tip! I’ll have to look into it and switch everything over tomorrow when I’m a little less sleepy haha. I also made some changes based on your proofreading. (Which I appreciated very much!)
The issue should be fixed now with this latest little update pushed out
I’ve noticed that too! I’m a big ol’ nerd when it comes to mythology and folklore and I’m looking forward to playing around and seeing how all of the different mythologies would interact with each other. For example, what happens when you pit a kitsune against a wendigo? What would happen when two deities with the same domains meet each other for the first time?
I think that in my story most of the monsters/gods/demigods flock together with what they’re familiar with. The MC will be one of the catalysts forcing them all to interact, whether they like it or not!
Yeah, of course! Let me know if you have any questions about, idk, the layout, the flora or the general culture of the area (westsidebestside). I also know a lot about Hawaiian mythology and religion if you need someone to point you in the right direction.
Now that I have more time I can say that I really love the vibe you’ve created with your prose. It’s genuinely engaging-- relaxed, but with just enough tension to keep you on your toes. I don’t normally comment on WIP writing styles, yours really struck me.
I finally got around to switching everything to fairmath! It wasn’t nearly as complicated as I thought it was going to be thankfully. I’ll stick with it for the rest of my game! Again thank you for the tip!
Also I have a question for you all! It seems like a lot of WIP’s on here have a Tumblr for game dev stuff and other questions and I was wondering if you guys would like me to create one too? I use tumblr a lot so I’ll probably respond to stuff pretty promptly if I do decide to open one up. However, I also understand how some people would like to have everything consolidated into one place and prefer for everything to be on the forums.