Edmund and Hope. MC’s siblings?
Can we make a custom character
Not really, not in the traditional sense. In this game, the PCs are already basically set personalities to some extent
Yeah… You are practically playing as Alexius and uh…Ashärielle(?) respectively. They both seems to have preset canon personality and appearance, Unlike Author’s other WIP’s MC.
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Thanks! I appreciate it.
Edmund is the MC’s cousin. Hope is Lucius’ sister.
I was under the impression they have been added. Must have changed the relevant command into *comment again. Will check and fix it.
Thanks! I appreciate it.
Haha! I hope I can fix that.
Thanks! The explanation for the stats is on the top post. I should probably add it into the game itself though.
Hi! I’m not sure what you mean, but there is a character creation if that’s what you are asking about.
That’s true to some extent, but there are some things to note. The ultimate mission is to save the Universe, but how you go about it, and with how much enthusiasm is up to you.
As the Prince you have a mission. But it’s up to you if you want to listen to the Goddess or try something by yourself. Also, you can choose if you want to be enthusiastic about the whole chosen one thing, or totally reluctant. There are also your views on the monarchy and the system itself. It’s up to you if you want to be an absolute monarch or introduce democracy, etc.
As the Goddess you have the same mission. Again, it’s up to you to decide how enthusiastic you are about the whole thing. You already have doubt festering in some of the choices. As they build up, the choices will deviate more and more from her supposed destiny. Alternatively, you can remain true to your prophesied bloody path. Throwing love into the equation will further complicate matters.
However, you are right in some ways. For instance, unlike Twilight from KoE, you cannot turn into a destructive or heartless asshole intent on world domination. This is especially true in the case of the Goddess, what with love being one of her dominions. 
I must add that she can (but doesn’t have to) have a very utilitarian philosophy and thus trade in lives.
To summarize, this is an exploration of free will vs predestination, total freedom vs perfect safety, chaotic democracy vs orderly autocracy, and the tragedy and hope of starcrossed romances set against the backdrop of a galactic war.
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I forgot to mention this earlier. This also means that in some instances, you can either play matchmaker or piss your friends off but hooking up with someone they like.
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Yep.
I didn’t answer either of the prayers.
It’s simple math, sadly.
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@Zeom It’ll be interesting when you run into them then.
I considered adding a third “perfect” option, then decided against it.
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All we need are some droids. And a lightsaber. Starsaber?
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@Oreven I see the connection. Haha! I actually got the “love against the backdrop of a galactic war” thing from Macross. There’s even an idol present. Faye Min is my homage to Lynn Minmay and Sheryl Nome.
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Since I have received some queries, will just put this here.
Note: In addition to the following, there’s at least one secret romance option for each route. It’s also possible to have have flings and one night stands.
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I’m curious if there are other characters in this that either pay homage or reference other characters?
For example, the appearance of Alexius (the violet eyes, the hair) and the fact that he is a prince is very reminiscent of Lelouch from Code Geass. So I’m curious as to the other inpirations and such.
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@Erosion I see what you mean. But Alexius is a blend of Noctis, Gilgamesh, and Alucard. The violet eyes, I got from my eternal crush Liz Taylor.
As for other characters, Claire is loosely based on Caitlyn Kiramman and Lightning Farron.
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A suggestion for the future when it comes to world building, if you don’t want to hit readers with wall after wall of text, you could always put it into a codex and add that to the stats screen, in a story as complex as this, world building is going to be important and not everybody is going to be interested in the fine details of how everything works
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@Sujan_Dhakal Thanks for the advice. I’ll keep it in mind. However, I don’t really like the idea of putting info in a codex. I will make a glossary of technical terms, but the worldbuilding itself, I’ll rather have in the story and have it unfold organically.
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@Sujan_Dhakal On second thought, I might make a codex of the Geography of the world.
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I played through both branches multiple times to double-check some things, so I’m looking forward to the save function; it wasn’t a big issue now since the branches are short, but from what you’ve said, this looks to be an epic in the making! Since I did play through both Aria and Rhapsody, the feedback below is divided by storyline when appropriate.
ARIA
- Perhaps it’s because of the full-fantasy opening sequence, but I wasn’t initially sure about Aria’s setting; one second it’s demons and goddesses, the next it’s talking HVAC systems and phones. I’m still not totally sure if it’s a modern setting with magic, if it had magic but it’s gone away in the modern day, if it’s somewhat more futuristic, etc. I did read the in-thread summary, but if I were going solely by the in-game text, I think I’d be that much more confused. I assume that the rest of the route would establish the setting more, but as-is, it can be disorienting.
– Maybe something to draw a harder line between dream sequence and reality would help, whether it’s rendering the dream sequence in italics or using an image to break up the two. - I like to go into games blind, so I didn’t read the RO lists and thus wasn’t initially sure about how old Lucius was; consider moving the ‘only four years older than me’ to his introductory scene, to make his age (and status as a potential RO) more clear.
- This may be specific to American English, but “Oriental” has unfortunate implications and really isn’t used to refer to people these days. You seem to be using it as an alternative to Asian, given that Asia doesn’t exist in-game, but since “Oriental” is also rooted in Earth geography, it’s just as much of an anachronism. You might want to consider just using “Eastern,” possibly while describing whatever features you consider Eastern that Prince!MC has. I noticed this in particular since you (presumably unintentionally) used a word with racial connotations, describing Faye as “the Oriental Fairy,” right before an “Okay, that’s racist” joke.
- After playing both routes, I thought, 'Canonically pale, black-haired and purple-eyed, son of a European monarch and a fondly-remembered black-haired Asian mother who (he remembers) died saving his life, a main character… Is Prince!MC Lelouch Lamperouge?"
– Also got heavy Noctis (FFXV) vibes from him, once I saw his character art.
RHAPSODY
- The same sense of being mildly lost, as in Aria, except more so because there’s clearly a lot of lore here, very little of which is explained. This could be why others have indicated that they like Rhapsody less than Aria, or are less able to immerse themselves in it; there are a lot of names and phrases being bandied about that the characters know, but which we the reader don’t, creating a fairly strong disconnect. You obviously don’t want to turn things into a purely expository infodump, but this route, in particular, would benefit from some kind of codex, accessible from the Stats page.
- I did enjoy the more formal prose you use here, which is clearly meant to evoke a mythic feel. It may be daunting to readers who aren’t used to this kind of language, but I thought it was very fitting. That said, I am someone who genuinely enjoys The Silmarillion, so take that as you will.
– Related, the magical attacks of the goddesses are very cinematic and feel quite anime/JRPG-inspired, which was also a plus to me. - You use “slaughtered like a sacrificial lamb” on two consecutive pages, when Mérellien asks Goddess!MC what she thinks about her destiny and on the next page, after her response. It stands out a bit, maybe because it’s the same person saying it both times, so consider mixing it up a little.
GENERAL
- It seems like the first choices in character creation are the ‘canon’ choices, since those are the physical traits that each MC displays in the other MC’s path. Would that be correct?
- Will the finished game track the choices made in the different paths, for example, playing Rhapsody after Aria will have the Prince in Rhapsody use your choices from Aria? Or are they completely separate from each other in that regard? Not a big deal, but mildly jarring when I played one after the other and the Prince seen by the Goddess!MC didn’t match the Prince!MC I’d made in the other route.
- Would it be fair to say that these are semi-premade main characters? There seems to be a decent amount already established about them, like the prince being lazy/apathetic, and as noted above, there seems to be a ‘canon’ appearance for both MCs.
- I honestly think that both Aria and Rhapsody would benefit from a Codex, possibly one that unlocks as the game progresses if you’d prefer to hide certain information until it becomes relevant. Establishing a setting can be difficult in a text-only medium, and I suspect that part of why more players seem to prefer Aria is that it’s much more familiar, despite the unusual place names and so on. Mood and atmosphere are important, but accessibility to readers is also key if you want people to engage with Rhapsody the way they can with Aria.
This is clearly a passion project for you, and the amount of effort you’ve put into just this short demo is obvious; I’d like to see where this goes, so I hope you take my comments in the constructive spirit in which they’re meant. If any of my feedback was unclear, I’d be happy to clarify!
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@Telos First, I want to thank you for the detailed feedback. I know this takes the kind of effort I can’t muster.
There is supposed to be a page break. I must have messed it up somehow.
This one I’ll have to find a way to slide in. Maybe have Lucius’ sister Hope, who is your classmate, mention the age gap or something.
I was conflicted between using Oriental and Eastern for this very reason. However, I ended up choosing Oriental because when all is said and done, its origins lies in the Latin word meaning Rising and by extension East. I feel like Orient is different from other such words because it heavily depends on the context it’s being used in. For instance, even today, no one is offended by the Venice-Simplon Orient Express. Also, it’s anecdotal, but I’m from the “Orient” and the word doesn’t bother me. In fact, I have yet to meet anyone who is bothered by it. Another hitch with using Eastern Fairy is that the Goddess is also called Star of the East. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t want anyone to be uncomfortable and will seriously consider your advice.
You are the second person to have mentioned Lelouch. I have watched Code Geass twice and never realized his mother was Asian. Suffice to say, I wasn’t thinking about him when I came up with the Prince. You are absolutely right about Noctis though. As for the violet eyes, it’s because of my love for Elizabeth Taylor.
Since this has been a recurring theme with the feedbacks, I will make a codex.
Ah yes, it’s something I try to avoid. Thanks for pointing it out.
Let me be diplomatic here and say every playthrough is its own canon. However, the first choices do match the corresponding love interest.
I cannot figure out a way to code it. Besides, there’s the problem of which route one plays first, etc. So I consider them to be alternate stories.
In a sense yes. For example, as the Prince, your relationship with your father starts out strained, and you do have to embark on a hero’s journey eventually. However, I don’t want to railroad traits like lazy/diligent, shy/gregarious, etc. To that end, I have to fix some of the dialogue between you and Calix.
As the Goddess, you can’t abandon your dominion and you have subscribed to a particular philosophy in the past. However, as the game begins, you have the choice to question those beliefs and even alter your path. After all, this whole thing is ultimately about free-will vs predestination.
Yes, I agree with you. Will do something about it soon.
Again, thanks for reading and providing such detailed feedback. I appreciate it very much. This is indeed my biggest passion project, and I am passionate about a lot of things, so it means a lot. Haha!
PS: Sorry if there are typos and such. I am at work and don’t have the time to proof read.
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Really liked it Good luck Friend
@Astralise.Ink
I feel like Orient is different from other such words because it heavily depends on the context it’s being used in. For instance, even today, no one is offended by the Venice-Simplon Orient Express.
Context is important, but in this case, it’s the difference between using Oriental for a large group of people/cultures, for which it’s inaccurate at best, and for objects like a train line or a type of rug. It’s the same thing as using “Arab” to refer to a person from a specific place/culture and using “Arabian” for horses and collections of folktales. People vs. Things.
There are, after all, many words whose linguistic roots are completely logical, but certain languages still don’t use those words as they were formerly used because their acceptability has declined.
@Astralise.Ink
Also, it’s anecdotal, but I’m from the “Orient” and the word doesn’t bother me. In fact, I have yet to meet anyone who is bothered by it.
I’m from the “Orient,” though now living in the US, and it does bother me, so now you have!
Of course, you’re right in that not everyone is offended by the same things, so you’re not obligated to change your work just because some random Internet stranger dislikes the word, or because some future reader might not like it; but, for example, Beyoncé and Lizzo recently removed a word from their songs because what’s a mildly dated insult to many is severely hurtful to others, so I thought it was at least worth mentioning.
At any rate, I had no problems reading/understanding your response, and I appreciate the quick reply, as well as your willingness to take my feedback seriously. As a player who hopes to see your vision reach fruition, that’s really all I can ask!
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