Taikutsu no Immortalia (Update)


#1

You play a(n) very immortal who try to find a way to make life for them more exciting. The PC haves witness countless wars & battles. They are a maji- Unzari shimashita - a mage & a warrior that haves many decades of experience.
Update: I’m still working on the plot but I have been working on some of the races you can choose from and some of the romantic options
Race list: High Human, Dark Elf, Elf, High Elf, Orc, Arc-Angel/Angel, High-Demon/Demon, Dwarf, Dullahan, Koblod, Vila, Vampire, Xana, Lamia, Lich, Troll, Satyr, Oni, Doppelgänger, Kitsune, Were-cat/were-wolf/were-hyena, Selkies, & Orges.
Some of the ro’s are Titania: the Queen of fairies, Galatea: A beautiful ivory statue turn human by Aphrodite, & Jade aka the Jade rabbit: the servant of the moon goddess Chang’e
I have a next update probably around may 20th - June 3th :grin:


Terra Immortalium (WIP) School for Immortals
#2

It sounds interesting but I don’t know if I would be interested in playing, it might be because what we’ll be doing is still vague. Just trying to find a way to die doesn’t seem like enough to seal the deal.


#3

Still working out the story. I just wanted to see if people like the idea. Also thanks


#4

The basis premise is interesting but I need a little more sizzle on that steak, if you please. Characters, plot, what choices the player can make etc.

Don’t take the shortness of my statement as criticism, the heart of the idea could be a nuanced and interesting take on CYOA games. Instead of playing the ascendant hero looking to accrue as much power or prestige as possible by saving the world or whatever, the player will have to make decisions based on how much they hurt themselves.

Instead of fostering romances designed to last the ages, all your conversations with people will come with a caveat, don’t get attached to me, I’m just passing through…


#5

I like how the Japanese of Jisatsu no Immortalia literally translate into “じさつのいもたりあ” (Suicidal Immortal) or (The Suicide of the Immortal). It fits so perfectly well.


#6

I don’t have any interest in playing someone suicidal. So I’ll probably pass on this one. The rest of it sounds interesting though.


#7

I don’t want play as a suicide and I think it would be unpleasant experience for a lot of people. But if you handle it with respect and care could work. Suicide and depression are very serious problems and make them looking as trivial it’s not good.


#8

By near the end I wanted to change the character around from being suicidal to wanting see how the world shapes out for as long as their immortality would last


#9

I agree with Mara. Suicide is a very sensitive topic, and it can hurt very deeply if it’s not handled correctly. Or, maybe instead of explicitly being an attempt to kill yourself, an attempt to get rid of your immortality so you can grow old or die when it’s time?


#10

I may be wrong but I guess from the japanese words that it’ll be somewhat anime-style ? Do correct me if I am wrong though. If it is, I am sure there’s animes out there on that subject.

I personally think it could be a good idea depending on how you’ll deal with it. It is indeed a risky subject but if you manage to handle it Well it could become a really interesting game.


#11

people might disagree with me but i really dont want you to be sensitive with the subject the way you present the ide this sounds like a game that should be a dark that shows alot of wrong doing and include sensitive subject more to show the dark side of the world which i really think is an awesome idea because a lot of games dont they just cram over sensitive subjects with glitter and lies in a way that breaks the subject in itself. i would make the game dark and then put warnings up so that people that cant handle the subjects know what there giving them self into.


#12

It changed the first part of the title now means boredom. Now they are just a really skill but bored person. Maybe if I can be successful with this I maybe will tap into this topic in the future.


#13

It sounds interesting, and I agree with RedRoses about the attempt to get rid of immortality. If you need a beta-tester, i’d be happy to beta-test for you.


#14

I would be interested to see where you can go with it, so I will watch the topic :wink:


#15

Do you have the plot written ?


#16

I have a rough draft of a plot. I’m going to change it around I will have it done about the end of April. :yum:


#17

The story has potential based from your premise, but it still lacks luster to make it truly engaging.

The five components for a story are:

1. Characters
2. Setting
3. Plot
4. Conflict
5. Resolution

So far you have a main character and you have a conflict. The rest are still lacking. I would suggest for you to concentrate first on your main character and his/her central conflict, then fill out the rest.

The MC is immortal, and is bored. So he/she wants to live a more exciting life. That’s a bit weak for a central conflict. Maybe if you change it so that the MC is seeking for a way to undo his/her immortality instead and the only way to do so is find the person who did it to him/her? Or maybe he/she has to take up a certain quest.

This reminds me of a manga called, ‘Blade of the Immortal’ by the way.

I don’t have any coding skills but I can write well enough. Let me know if you need some help with this.

Cheers.


#18

Reminds me of Lost Odyssey!


#19

I really like your idea and title but I’m also crossing my fingers that the character isn’t fully suicidal, maybe just really bored. Like maybe they tried at some point a long time ago and realized nothing will work and so he just goes out to all these battles fully knowing he’ll be okay.

I would just say that the game might seem too easy cause there’s no risk of the character dying and the stats might be really high cause the character already has so much experience, unless you start the story at the very beginning. Maybe the story could be how he ended up becoming immortal and but then he finds out how he can lose his immortality in the future, except by that point he finds out there are/is another like him cue the potential immortal/mortal romance lol.

As you can see, I would really like to see how you flesh out the plot :grinning: Good Luck!


#20

Change the plot around to something more light then dark. Instead the character being suicidal I’m just going to make them to where they are bored of doing the same thing. I’m already writing about another Immortal character. In the future when I have more experience I’m going to come back to writing a very dark story. Thanks for the feedback. :yum: