now that you mentioned it… I forgot that XD I’ll go ahead and fix it now, thank you for telling me.
-
You sighed Then slowly open the door
- then
-
You Opened the door then saw your…
- opened
-
Clean and Neat room
- neat
-
You placed your bag into a corner then booted up your computer.
- and then, then is a little too casual, people talk like that but write? Nope.
-
While waiting for your computer to open, You decided to eat your dinner.
- you
-
After taking a satisfying meal,you heard a notification bell telling that your computer finally finished loading
- meal, you
-
You rushed back infront of the computer and opened up your favourite game,
- oh great the queen’s English. in front needs a period (full stop) after reincarnation online.
-
A System announcement popped out after opening the game
- system
-
You expected to play first before doing anything else in your computer but it turns out that your favourite game needs to be updated
- period after updated
-
Reincarnation online is an online virtual reality game where you can live your second life, you can be literally everything, starting from an animal to a god
- period after god.
-
In that game you can use your five senses, hear,sight,taste,touch,smell to feel everything in game.
- space after commas
-
just like in reality, you can control your body there.
- Just
-
the game is extremely realistic.
- The, though to be honest I’d probably remove the sentence entirely.
-
now, back to the topic, you can be anything, from an animal to a god,
- Now, I’d remove that too since it was already stated.
-
well even a bird or have wings I mean, How would you fly if that game is realistic?…when you want to fly you’ll need to use the “Assist” system or manually imagine that you have muscles in your back and control them.
- “Well you can even be a bird or have wing I mean, how would you fly if the…” “…When”
-
But theres some restrictions, They made different servers so it would be fair for everyone.
- there’s, they
-
for those who wants to live a normal life like in real life goes to “Modern Life” Server
“Those who want to live a normal life go to to the ‘Modern Life Server’.” Or something of the like.
- “Fantasy Server” are for those who want to live in a fantasy world with magic,monsters and dragons
space after comma, period.
- “Future Server” for the ones who want to experience the future life where flying cars exist
period. I’d cut everything after future off though.
-
You are currently in the “Fantasy Server”
- period
-
In Fantasy Server different players gets random classes and abilities from the start
the Fantasy Server, get, period or comma at the end
since monsters exist, we have levels too, and I got a rare job called…
-
Its Because putting your real name in games is a bad habbit the others could discover your real identity because of that.
- feel like this part is unneeded, anyway, It’s, because, habit, remove the.
-
First, you’ll have the chance of being the first “Max level” character ingame, in other words farming or killing monsters in games and completing quests before the others is good because becoming the strongest in game as soon as you can would give you reputation
- Major rework, also in general you switch from 1st person to 2nd person, try to stick with “I” or “you”
-
Third, the developers are kind, if you find a bug and abuse it before reporting it to them won’t reset your data, The Developer is kind and thanks us for reporting it
- they won’t, instead we are thanked or something of the like.
-
Those are the advantages for entering the beta testing program in Reincarnation Online
- Just say beta.
-
you could say that I’m…
- You
-
Addicted to this game
-
Just bored so I reached that point
- period
-
“Headgear”
- the quotes and capitalization is unnecessary.
-
…why?.. I JUST WANT TO PLAY! "
- …Why
-
“Lets get this over with.”
- Pretty sure Let’s as in “Let us” would work better here. Don’t quote me on that.
-
“Very well”
- period
-
Easiest evolution a human can achieve is
-
easiest
-
“I’m a Human, Balanced In All Aspect,Master of None”
-
“I’m an Elf, Has a High Agility,Wisdom and Intelligence but physically weak”
-
“I’m an Orc, Has a Very High Strength but slow”
- way to many caps, I can forgive the stats names though.
-
No,I’m an Elf.
-
No,I’m an Orc
- space after comma
-
I’m a Friendly person who can talk to anyone without being shy (extrovert)
-
I’m a Normal Person who would talk to someone who talks to me,or would approach someone I’m interested in (normal)
-
I’m a Person who’s better than anyone. (prideful)
-
I won’t try to make friends but if they want to become a friend I would accept them. (a loner)
-
I’m a Loner, and I only make someone a friend when they won’t cause trouble to me. (???)
- Way too many caps, you should just bold types, space after comma
-
The Demon king have absolute control over monsters while the Hero has the strength to beat all monsters,having the same strength as the Demon King
- has. space after comma, space after King
-
some players just want to live a normal life in a fantasy world but a lot of the players wants to keep the peace over the game.
- Some, want,
-
some chose to be a villain and do all kinds of evil things you can do ingame.
- Some, choose,
-
some adventurers or the peace keepers stops those kinds of players from doing what they want
- stop, Some, you should remove one of the peace keeper sentences, it’s redundant.
-
thats a flaw isn’t it?
-
thats why I suggested that something should limit someone’s bad deeds.
- That’s
-
because some players discovered that slavery and other stuffs that would limit someones freedom is allowed.
- Because, stuff, someone’s, would personally remove because some and cap Players, probably make it less specific too.
-
As a reply they made a special system that would force teleport someone imprisoned for more than an hour at the place he wants to go
- they want
-
everyone wouldn’t be able to hold someone as a captive twice a day, the person who got caught would be immune to all types of “restriction” for a day.
- Everyone
-
does stun,freeze or other debuff that limits your movement counts as restriction?
-
Does, debuffs, would personally remove stun and freeze.
-
There’s a lot of exposition for this being first person.
-
-
they don’t the longest “Stun” effect lasts for 20 minutes for a person and 30 minutes for a monster or NPC.
- They
3 Likes
Thanks for the corrections, I needed that
1 Like
That’s so cool creating an ‘isekai’ good thing the character didn’t get trucked to get there mwahahahaha. This is good looking at the comments. Thank you for creating a book that i will binged-read always loved isekai genres even the less liked ones BUT!! this has potential. P.S. I’m an otaku if you want to know.
Is nice to see another ‘isekai’ type game here in the forum. (I believe the 3rd one in the forum) i will be watching
1 Like
Will there be other races and subraces like i would love to play some form of insectoid race and have my own ”Brood” or Something and i would love if you added subraces like mountain dwarf and high elf and more but maybe it is to much work I don’t know stuff like that i have never made a WIP so it’s not like I understand if it is complicated or something similar
I can’t wait to play a prideful human (because of my preference to current races in the game) warmonger attempting to take over the known world with excessive force
Thank you for telling me, I’ll fix that, Right, away… wait I already fixed it… I just forgot to upload it… I apologize for my stupidity XD, the new version is already there, I’m really sorry
oh theres someone who did this too? how nice!
you wouldn’t be able to form your own race but you could raise your own army XD
Oooh!
I cannot seem to get past choosing my goal in the game I only tried 2 options though the first and
second (Edit) Third also
king, issue fixed, just please click the link again, don’t restart the page, just click the link in this thread (or something) beyond that point lies nothing for now, I’m currently working in it
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The lay out is a lot like the anime “my smartphone in another world”
1 Like
loved what i read!
Are you taking any inspiration from Log Horizon?
I can’t wait like I said to be a prideful warmongering conquer but not really 100% evil (Excessive force will be used without remorse but I’m not unreasonable you do as I say you live totally fair right) and I am just hoping someone will just comes along and just go all therapist on my head and somehow deduce my characters need to be the best and conquer everything in his wake I think that would be neat
In the three options they all give that same message
I watched that and gets some ideas there… soo yeah
From all anime like that, sword art online,overlord, smartphone in another world,konosuba and other things
There would be “Pride” Percentage that would increase everytime you do something prideful or anything, it won’t be 100% full eevil XD
And a friend would help you too
oh… sorry I’ll fix it right away
It’s called “fake choice”
Its a way to trick the players that choices would affect the texts, for now there’s a lot of fake choices because I haven’t reached “Chapter 1” yet… Once I reach that point fake choices possibilities would be low
also is there an jerky prideful where you find other inferior to your skill and generally good natured kind where you think your the best by your actions
I know lol