Red String of Fates (WIP) Demo

Hi! I’m Veluna Ryn. I’m new at this COH and it’s the script. I already been planning for this story for a long time and just had the courage to publish it as a demo. pardon me as English is not my primary language. Hopefully, I can upload it consistently, and finish it. I really hope you enjoy it.

My new game, Red String of Fates (Fantasy, Romance, Adventure).

Play as an orphan. Live in a world where humans keep blind eyes just like the other creatures didn’t exist. Keep your promise to your childhood friends. Get your own power which determines your tier in society.
Is the world just like the one you knew so far? Or is everything just a lie?
However, when the world demands you to choose, which side will you choose?

Play as a Male or Female.
Straight, Gay, or BI.
With 6 potential RO. (But, now is still a secret :slight_smile:)
Control your power or let it run amok?
Can you keep your sanity till the end?
and what other things will you discover?
Find out about the truth or the lies…

This demo for now includes:

  • Prologue

[b]Warning!
The scene may contain blood or any other trigger.

To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/go/8469

Here is my social media for some updates!

Well, let me know if you guys enjoy it see you guys soon!

171 Likes

The premise is ~so interesting, looking forward to this story. Bookmarked :grin:

For The Feedback and Suggestion:
  • The plot is good, I like it, but I want more interactions, try to add more interacting parts (choices), it takes 4 or 5 before the next choices,if you can add more, we will be happy.
  • The image seems broken, check it again. It might be the error in the name :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:
  • Add the save system for us to choose the other choices, so we can check if there is any error in it. In that way, we will avoid getting start over again. :>
  • As of now, I didn’t see anything like typos or wrong in grammar (I am not quite good in grammar, but I can still spot some minor errors if there are.)
  • Overall, looking forward! :heart_eyes: Congrats for your demo, worthwhile to read!
  • ehem ROs ehem… hehehe

7 Likes

Ehem yes, so This is only the prolog so the MC doesn’t have much choice and that’s why. But I promise it will have many choices when you enter Chapter 1 :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

So the RO I can’t show it yet because they are still shy XD. Those RO going to be the death of me of how much coding it will be done for each scene. Hopefully, I can finish it and don’t need to trim it.

Thanks for your support~ :blush:

9 Likes

It was generally good! You misspelt surname as ‘surename’ by the way, in the surname selection choices.

1 Like

I really like this demo so far, and congrats on your first demo publish! I didn’t finish the whole demo yet, and I am kind of sleep-deprived at the moment, but I was able to catch some mistakes:

Mistakes :

!

“The door doing a great job”
“The place is well-decorated

!

The man”
When he thinks it is save, he makes his way”

!

Relief can be seen on his face”
Bundle of rag
He was worried about what is inside it

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“little boy

!

“The blanket unfolds itself to reveal a

!

“water flows through

!

They are known as”

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Okay Thank you~ :blush: I’ll look it up

Oh, well this is so much mistake XD. Okayy i’ll correct it. Thank you for try it thou! :laughing:

Hi there, so i wanted to ask: Are you using a traductor?

The story is really interesting in my opinion, I really wanna know what happens next! <3

As for my…

Feedback

For now, I don’t have much except…

Grammar and spelling - lots of room for improvement, but your story is in it’s early stage so that is normal, and you aren’t a native English speaker so that is understandable :smiley:

Looking forward to this story, OP :smiley:

1 Like

Oh, Traductor is the translator? A bit, for some words only :sweat_smile: that forget what the similar words regarding that XD Sorry…

Thank you for the feedback! Yes I’ll be correcting the one that I can, while the unseen one, I’ll have to wait for it until I have same saving for editor so I know what I miss. :blush:

1 Like

I like the concept. The pacing was alright too.
However, I would request you to find a grammer/sentence checking app or an app for translations or consult someone who’s fluent in English when working on this. The grammer errors are too many almost in every line. However, that’s no problem you’re not a native speaker and I’m sure with proper help you can smash this out of the ballpark :100:
Just make sure the grammer and sentence corrections are made because the immersion of the story wholly depends on what we are reading and it’s a bit difficult to read it as it is now.
Good luck and congrats on your first story! :beers:

2 Likes

Yep translator. So you might wanna check out: Deepl It is the best out there. I frequently use it since english isn’t my first language too.

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Okay first off I am going to be really blunt.

I am only two or three choices in and I have already spotted many typos. May I suggest going through and reading it carefully. Cause last I checked it is impossible to look on a mirror. I have heard of look at or in a mirror. But look on a mirror makes it sound like they are actually standing on the mirror instead of looking at it.

2 Likes

Yes, it is okay to be blunt. It really helps thank you.

So I reread it all again and tried to correct as many typos I can find and I correct it for now. :sweat_smile:

@TheBlackSamourai yes I will try it later! Thank you so much for the help!

@Paradox1 Thank you! I will try to correct as many as I can found too.

I am really sorry for everyone who read the previous version, and yes it partly my mistake that I didn’t check them again. :laughing: But yeah for everyone who manages to read till the end thank you and also I’m really sorry too.

3 Likes

Hey no need to be sorry. Our love for reading and writing is what brought us here in the first place not to see who is more fluent in english. I’m sure your english will keep improving. At leat that’s how it turned out for me not to mention that i speak five language and english is the last one on which i’m the least fluent so yeah you will keep improving.

2 Likes

No need to be sorry. Were all here for one thing, that is good stories. You’re actively making an effort towards that so hats off to you! Feedback is so that you can get something constructive from them and make your project more appealing and attractive. So, don’t worry about it! :beers: Keep up the good work!

3 Likes

:sparkles: Bookmarked :sparkles:

Just the prologue, and It looks very interesting
Will keep an eye for future updates :slight_smile:

5 Likes

I love it :slight_smile:

2 Likes

I just love the prologue

1 Like