@Lyn_naly the story almost made me cry! its just so beautifully well written! please continue!
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wow i love it 
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This is lit 
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base on the demo is the mc going to be overpowered 
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Interesting premises Iâll keep an eye on it. Hope to see more and and donât stress to much with the grammar that can always be fixed. (thatâs what we are here for, besides just reading your story and giving other feedback. ) 
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Hi, well⌠the answer is, itâs up to you actually 
I will try my best to deliver the character as best as I can and you can learn much magic as you can (when you have free time anyway.) I planning to upload the 1st ep in 2 - 3 weeks from now. But I still need to place some detail and I need to find an editor too XD. thank you to everyone who already reading and I hope you guys can wait, since I writing, coding, and working other jobs 
. Feedback will appreciate it. and I add few more choices for the prolog, hope it not that boring XD. Iâll upload it with chapter 1.
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Update! (17 July 21)
Hi everyone! sorry for the late update. I found out today I canât edit my own post in here, somehow so I update it from hereâŚ
Working my regular job takes up so much time, and I underestimate how much time I writing and edit and scrapping a bunch of words in the middle of the scene. But, I can finally give you the next update. 
Red String of Fates (Fantasy, Romance, Adventure).
Summary
Play as an orphan. Live in a world where humans keep blind eyes just like the other creatures didnât exist. Keep your promise to your childhood friends. Get your own power which determines your tier in society.
Is the world just like the one you knew so far? Or is everything just a lie?
However, when the world demands you to choose, which side will you choose?
Play as a Male or Female.
Straight, Gay, or BI.
With 6 potential RO.
Control your power or let it run amok?
Can you keep your sanity till the end?
and what other things will you discover?
Find out about the truth or the liesâŚ
This demo for now includes:
- Prologue
- Chapter 1
The demo will not include (not in the demo right now):
- Stat will not changes for now
- Relationships Stat will also not change
- There is no save slot because it doesnât work.
To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/go/8469
Warning!
The scene may contain blood or any other trigger.
This is not the final product. Things might change for the final product.
Here some character you encounter so far...
Oswald - MC father
Helena - Human, MC stepmother.
Allen / Ellene - Human, MC stepbrother / stepsister. Really close to MC.
Ivorry - Human? Royal Guardian, with a roman numeral II pin on her collar.
Caerulus - Human? Royal Guardian, held a spear as a weapon.
and 2 more unnamed characters, for now~
For further detail, Iâll give next time, 
.
Which one is Love Interest? All I can say right now is, Caerulus is one of them.
Here is my social media for some updates!
- https://twitter.com/lunaryn_z
- You can ask anything here, https://www.tumblr.com/blog/velunaryn
- You can support me here, Veluna Ryn is creating Interactive Fiction and Story on Wattpad | Patreon
Changelog
7/17/21 Adding Chapter 1 into the demo, Adding more choices into Prolog, Adding some tiny detail in prolog, Change the stat making it look better, Fixing bugs.
5/9/21 First created the page, fix some grammar error.
Well, let me know if you have any questions. Iâll see you guys soon!
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Since youâre a member, I advice you to talk to any of the moderators. They can help you out in editing out the first post 
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Ok, Iâll try to talk to mod next time! Thank you~
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Noted, and I already repair it. Sorry about itâŚ
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This is the most funniest thing about the story being arrested for trying to save people
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line 184: Invalid string, open quote with no close quote: âcoal blackâ
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its getting interesting 
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Okay, I already fixed it
Yes it is isnât it? 
Iâm having the most fun writing that part
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had to stop with the choosing our powers part cause some of the descriptions on them is hard to understand (unless thats point) and without a save system rn, its hard to back track when the choice i picked isnt what i was expecting.
but on another note, i adore the pc being a very good baker. just gives me the absolutely softest feelings. i hope we still get to keep baking throughout the story. it could even be the pcâs vice or sumthin
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yes, I try to use the save feature from the web, but I end up getting an error. I didnât code it myself. Iâll try it again later
also thank you for the like at the MC job, I intend to make it work in future scenarios too.
For some power descriptions, can you tell me which one makes it difficult to understand? maybe I can look into it?
i think what made it confusing was how in the first few choices, you can clearly see what youâll end up with. âi hope they burnâ entails to fire. âthe storm is comingâ weather. âair becomes colderâ ice. the rest ends up a little more vague with no mentions of how the power would effect the thieves.
i was also confused with what the power ended up. i thought the pc would end up inventing something from the âcrazy ideaâ but i was surprised when it ended up with the apple growing roots and the roots rotting. is it a nature involved power? considering there is another choice with a similar description albeit lacking the intensity.
i think this one is also a little to vague as to what power youâll end up with. its a little hard to grasp what it would end up with.
so i went through with this choice and from what i understand, its either shadow powers or those âshadowsâ are the negativity in your brain, manifested in real life.
so um, this is also confusing. first, from what it mentioned about the bucket and seeing as if it hit them on the head. i thought, telekinesis. a little off with the descriptions but it could be easily replaced with a simple phrase like âmy eyes locked on an heavy object too far out of my reach. if only i could throw it at themâ or something like that. but then a black light appeared above the thief and my bakery stuff falls down on them. now that threw me off. it couldnt be one of those powers where the pc would think of something and itâll appear infront of them. cause it didnât mention in the text about the pc thinking of anything at all. i was honestly expecting this one to be the pc inventing something from the objects around them.
(the questions above are before i decided to code dive. ill still keep it)
so i just now fuckin remembered about code diving and my god. i shouldve remember that. so i would have to hide this for anyone that is just playing so as not to ruin the fun ig.
so the choice âi calm myselfâ why is it water? from the only little text we have on the choice. i thought it would have been compulsion. maybe try adding something to imply that its about water. like simply adding âthe sound of water dripping from a broken pipe somehow calms meâ it still has the calm effect you wanted but also informing the user that its somehow related to water.
âmaybe i can distract them?â why is it air? from the choice, it seems like the pc would just grab a random object and chuck it at them lmao. im not too sure on how to go about this one.
âpound the wallâŚâ i honestly thought this one is about strength but from the other choices above, all of the powers are projectiles for now. this one is fine. i can see strength and earth having similar qualities. idk why but this choice is kinda funny. just imagining it makes me chuckle.
âstorm comingâ this is a good one. it gives enough to the user that they would know its about something related to weather.
âthink of various crazy ideasâ wood? i am shocked. this does not have an ounce of this choice is about wood powers. this is more fitting for a mad scientist. this is a very tricky one. so ill have to think about this very hard. cause i dont see wood relating to âa crazy ideaâ
so i was kinda right about the ânegativityâ choice. maybe just add another line about how like they couldnt focus on keeping the negativity at bay because they are getting distracted from the shadows seemingly moving and forming into various shapes on the choice
âpray for wisdomâ again. wasnt aware that this would all be projectiles. so first thought was. wisdom. intelligence. so ig the mention of the saint might imply for light magic. this one is kinda fine, ig
âanything around i could use?â this one is probably my fav ngl. creation. kinda toes with my ocâs weapon summoning/manipulation. the choice is mostly fine. but i think maybe add extra text to the scene of the pc thinkin of that object cause from the first instance of it happening, it might be confused with telekinesis. just tweak the scene a bit and itll be good. also this might end up being too op in the future considering the pc could just will any object into existence right in front if them.
the last one. âThinking of anything that can help, wishing every problem can float awayâ i had to copy the whole text. this is labeled âspecializedâ what does that mean? cause from the scene we got, it just seems like air ngl and there is already a choice like that. i thought this one would be air. it even mentions about how the wind shifts. this could just be a fancy word for telekinesis but idk, this label feels op for some odd reason. no boundaries to cross. the label honestly implies that anything could happen?
ill go through with the other choices and see if it somehow matches what they entail. ill be back brb. sorry for the inconveniences.
edit: im done. this is the longest comment ive done wow. but of course there is the easiest option of just having the powers in brackets next to the choice. like âphraseâ (power). nothing to change, just adding tiny text. it would lose the vagueness if thats what youâre going for but would inform the user as to what power that choice would have. since its summer break for me, ill try to go through some typos tomorrow. hope this helps.
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No, itâs ok I need feedback too. so I can perfecting it.
edit: so yeah, it was long. I thought of making it as vague as possible. Because for me personally i kind of like having an unexpected answer when i choose that option.
But, I know people need to know what choice to get what magic. so I kind of slip in a word that can make them think of that, but yeah it still too vague. I get it XD.
I have so many idea of how to write the magic, but kind of lost at the labeling option.
But, Iâm now I kind of wanna know, what do you guys like? vague choice or straight to the point choices?
Thank you for your honest opinion~ I appreciate it!
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