Hence starting from now
He doesn’t need to do a lot of it all the time, but even one piece a day would be a LOT.
Hence starting from now
And the way I see it @Konoi MC was a target to abuse from their father and later from their twin and bullying from schoolmates and even teachers ignored MC when they’re a little kid cause they kinda have no power while their twin is a most powerful human.
So they want to level the playing field, I know that it sounds like a crappy reason.
But at the starting you get a choice (the political choice thing) to go with whether the pollution which cause the powers should be cleared and stop all powers or cause more pollution in turn increase the powered human rate. It kinda makes sense with MC stealing powers to as powerful as they can get in a short time if they want to stop their twin who is the most corrupted one and rules everything unofficially, who’s a major supporter and voice for the one that wants to increase the pollution rate to get more powereds (and this also increases the death rate).
Oh yeah, I don’t mean the things I said work for all kinds of MCs, but for mine - well most of the things.
While my MC is on the side of the people who are against pollution, his goal isn’t to change the world, but really, to have a normal life.
What you say is totally fair for MCs who want to fight to make the world better or who want to fight against their sibling, but it doesn’t make much sense for MCs who want to live a normal life.
Especially considering normal people have one power, and he has already four at that point!
Or two, if he were to stop after getting the fire - but as I said, for story reasons, I understand the need for the duplication one.
It’s not as if all of the things I said had to be listened to anyway
But some of them did feel jarring to me - at least with that playstyle. Like I said, it’s not the same when you can’t play a nice character at all than when you theoretically CAN, but then a lot of options are missing for that, or the characters acts in way that don’t fit the stats.
It’s like that thing with the kid - to me it seemed like the MC had actually used the opportunity of the kid crashing into him to steal his power. And even if the activation of his stealing power was accidental, he should have had the time to stop it, considering what happened with the man earlier. Not to mention, whatever that was, he should feel guilty afterwards, and he basically didn’t bat an eyelash.
For your MC to love a normal life like you said is definitely not possible as long as their (I’m guessing it’s a HE?) twin is in there in spot light. Especially cause they’re IDENTICAL TWINS and he’s the most powerful and corrupted human alive and even the government is under his foot. Unofficially your MC’ twin rules the country. Your MC have to take down/defeat his twin to at least relatively live a normal life.
I remember that when the kid is crashed into MC, they’re stunned and surprised for a second and their hand is in the kid’s body and the power is out, lol MC COULD’VE stopped that power from getting absorbed into them, but we technically don’t know if they can do that internationally. The one time the absorption was disrupted /interrupted is when the other person attacked MC while absorbing and it went back to that person (owner of that power).
Haha, we really don’t agree about this game, it seems
But I mean, it’s okay, I’m sure if I was to scroll up to see what people say, some opinions would be opposite of mine too, and some are probably similar.
Ah but, I’ll mention. I (as the player) DO agree with you that the twin will make the MC’s plans difficult (though I don’t consider them to be made impossible either) - but it isn’t what my MC thinks about, basically. The plot may force the MC to fight his brother no matter his plans, later on, and that’s fine! If that comes to be, then sure, my MC would fight - though rather with the help of the team and powers already in his possession instead of stealing new powers. But as it is, he doesn’t plan to go against his brother, basically - at least, as in actually opposing him. If he sees his life is impossible, then sure, but that’s a thought for another day, as it is.
At least, I deduce that from the fact the dialogues linked to the “normal life” goal don’t talk about the sibling at all. So I go with that until proven wrong by the plot.
Aaand I stand my ground - even if that’s mandatory, an option to “quickly try to take out my hand!” could solve the intentional part of it all the while forcing the power to be stolen if it doesn’t work. Though obviously the MC would still feel bad afterwards in that case.
But really, it’s obvious for this specific game our reasonings are sooo different that I think we’ll have to agree to disagree
What I mean by my earlier comment is that, MC and their twin has same face and the twin makes sure the twin doesn’t exists at all. So as long as the government is under twin’ control, MC can’t possibly live peacefully.
Hey, don’t feel bad at all! In fact, this is incredibly useful, and exactly the kind of feedback that I want! I want players to be able to play the MC as whoever they imagine them to be. To keep things orderly, I’ll respond to each segment individually. Don’t feel obligated to read them all if you don’t feel like it. (After all, it isn’t like you need feedback, so you don’t really gain much from reading it.)
About stealing, in general:
This is a good point, I definitely made the MC willing to steal. You’re right, even if stealing is a necessity, they shouldn’t need to feel happy about it. I’ll have to fix that up. While writing the story, I actually did notice that your character is kind of forced to be a bit cruel. I considered making a path where you only steal from bad guys and the like. The reason I haven’t implemented this yet? Honestly, I just haven’t worked out the details for how it would work yet, such as how you are finding enough bad guys to only steal from them and still survive, that sort of thing. I haven’t given up on this idea, though, and I’d still like to make this an option as soon as I can work out the kinks and make it work with the rest of the story. I actually plan on eventually starting this story from scratch, so it may be easier to just start off with it as a possibility instead of working it into the current draft I’m on.
About stealing powers:
Excellent point about the acid, maybe I’ll change up the mechanics of it a bit! And like I mentioned above, I am already considering an option to only steal from bad people, I just need to work out ways that this can work with the story. Until I get around to that, though, I’ll definitely add something like what you suggested to chapter 4.
About MC's sibling:
The ability to morn the relationship sounds nice; I’d like to add that. Someone else mentioned that they’d like the option to fix their relationship with their twin, but the reason I’m hesitant to add that is because (at least in my current plans) I don’t really see that goal coming to fruition. The twin just isn’t that great of a person, and I don’t want to get someone’s hopes up that they can fix something that might just be a lost cause. That being said, when the person mentioned the idea it made me wonder if maybe it /could/ be possible, so now I’m throwing that idea around in my head. Still not sure if it will happen, but who knows, maybe after I write some more I’ll realise there is more of a chance than I originally thought? I’m definitely not giving up on the idea.
Interesting thoughts. I’m not sure how exactly he’d go about finding where the orbs are stored, but it does seem smart for him to at least try. I’m not sure how far I’ll go with that in the story, but I can definitely give the character the option to try to find out, at the very least.
And yes, stealing Everett’s powers sounds like a great idea! But maybe it isn’t the best idea to steal it when surrounded by so many people who work with you. He does have blackmail on them, after all, and some of them are probably more than willing to kill for him. I was planning on bringing this point up in the story, but I guess I should explain it sooner.
Do you really want to put your hands against someone who can easily make your body fall apart? And trust me, when you learn Caleb’s backstory, you will be really glad you didn’t steal that power. Really glad.
About MC's targets:
The idea to frame someone he knows is nasty is a fine idea. I only didn’t do this already because I didn’t think of it. I’ve got no problems changing that. In fact, it possibly could be fun to later have you read the newspaper and see that you caused a massive fight between two rich snobs because one is accusing the other.
Either way, I agree that you shouldn’t be forced to smile about it.
I have considered the possibility that this power is too OP. I tried to make it as annoying a power as possible to lower the use of it, but I’m still not entirely sure if I should keep it or just change the power entirely. But hey, maybe your idea of duplicating a small bit of gold isn’t too bad. It would still take him a long while, giving all the problems with the power, and it wouldn’t suddenly fix all of his problems, so it might not be too OP to consider. I’ll see if I add something like that in.
About Levi's necklace:
Honestly, the whole thing with Levi’s necklace is a mess, and basically the only reason I haven’t fixed it is because I wrote the coding for that Levi scene really badly and I just haven’t yet bothered to fix it yet. If you’re curious for the specifics, you can read this. (Not a spoiler, just a lot of unnecessary information.)
Basically, here is what happened: When I was writing it originally, I had the idea in mind that you surprise him by giving back the necklace once he already starts working for you, and because of this, there was no option to give the necklace back during that scene. Why did I have this in mind? Beats me. For some reason, that’s just what I thought would happen. So then I wrote out that scene, and people commented how all of the available options made the MC act like a jerk. So I tried to add more options that gave nicer responses to why you can’t return the necklace, which was kind of tricky, because it was hard to give a kind reason for not giving it back when there wasn’t really a good reason to. I also ended up changing my code a lot in the process, and the whole code for that scene became an out of order mess in which you still don’t agree to give back that necklace. And then someone on the forum said something like “Even if you need the MC to keep the necklace, you should at least…” and in my brain I was like, “Wait… now that you mention it, the MC doesn’t need to keep the necklace from Levi! Mind. Blown.” So basically the whole Levi scene was a moment of great stupidity with no logic behind it. Once I realised this, I tried adding in the possibility to just give the necklace back, but I already wrote so much and such a mess of code that I didn’t want to bother with fixing what I already did, so I just fit the option to give it back in a few scenes that wouldn’t require that I rewrite the whole thing. I know I should get around to making that scene better eventually, but I’ve kind of been hoping that the changes I’ve made so far is enough to satisfy the readers until I finally decide to go back in and fix it.
About the pool scene:
I can add an option to throw the noodle. No reason it isn’t an option apart from it not coming to mind as I was typing the scene. I’ll also change that bathing suit line.
I thought this scene might be too extreme. I was wondering if I should add an alternative job for people who felt too uncomfortable with that. But since nobody (before you) complained about it, I thought that maybe I was just overthinking it. Plus, you are being blackmailed, so I thought that it might make sense that you are forced to do some extreme things.
Although, I do occasionally feel like the subject of the MCs blackmail isn’t enough to keep them working for Everett throughout everything. I’ll probably make the blackmail situation worse in the future so it makes more sense to do what they say.
If I do end up keeping you forced to take the drugs (though I likely won’t), I will add the option to make the MC much more upset with this.
Small coding error:
Oops! Thanks for catching. I’ll look for where that is and fix it. Unless you happen to remember the chapter and can just tell me. But it isn’t a huge deal either way; I can probably find it pretty easily.
Instances of choices where I would wish for another option to choose from:
All good ideas. I’ll be sure to add them.
Whew! There you go. And I actually did have a list of ROs up for a short bit, but I ended up getting rid of them because I didn’t want to give spoilers. But I’ll consider putting them back up. Also, I can’t read this over just yet to catch any typos, so hopefully it is at least moderately understandable.
Thank god it’s okay! I’m always nervous in these cases - but it’s easier to just not comment when I simply don’t like the story and think no constructive feedback would help. It’s different when I actually like the story
I’ll read all your answers because some back and forth can give new ideas, and I’m certain I’ll have more things to say when reading your answers!
So I’ll just keep the categories, more or less, for all things that need an answer!
About stealing (both):
Yeah, being forced is totally fine! Even willing to an extent, in certain circumstances, but not all the time!
But yeah, if you’re planning on rewriting, it’s easier to implement that when doing it from scratch!
Honestly, it just need to be made intentional if the character controls it, I think? Like, the tears are acid IF the MC wants them to be? Not the first time/s cause you have to learn to control it, but after that.
Again, like mentionned, usually the way games do things like that, is to have two variants to how the player can obtain the same item or information, one “good” and one “evil” (to simplify) - that way, you wouldn’t need to make two sets of powers but it would feel different to get them. And well, for the regular stealing, I guess it’s even easier since most of these scenes are less important.
Oh, don’t feel bad if it’s impossible! But the MC can wish for it. If you can’t make it work so it would succeed, which makes sense considering how the sibling seems to BE, then don’t add it to the goals to avoid giving people false hopes, yeah, but give the option to think about it sometimes, when the sibling is mentionned. That would suffice to shape the MC a bit, even if it has no impact!
Oh sure, before discovering his power, it would be planning only. But that would be the first idea the MC could have - and he could plan on stealing or destroying his orb first, instead of just accepting to work for him so easily. Giving the MC these thoughts would make it look like he wants to actually fight his situation instead of going with the flow.
But once he discovers his power, then that changes the situation.
That IS true, buuut, don’t forget the opposite! It could be turned around: “He does have blackmail on them, after all, and some of them are probably more than willing to kill HIM.”
Just keep that in mind when writing that part - because of course I understand you wouldn’t let the players just do that (or well, you could add an early ending as an easter end if the player has one REALLY good skill, for the fun )
No less than on people with unknown and maybe more easily lethal powers - at least you know what you’re getting into
But I’ll trust you on the backstory!
I’ll mention that the character really caught my attention, by the way. I’m curious about him!
Oh, glad it was useful then! And yeah, at least doing so WOULD be making it a “good-ish” action, and it would have a gratifying aspect for nicer MCs wity your newspaper idea. Also, if you want to go more into that, the article could be written by Val, and serve as a starting point for another conversation between him and the MC.
Oh I don’t think it is TOO OP, just OP! I don’t think getting rid of it is necessary?
The MC wouldn’t be able to use it on the spot to get an item anyway. But for the gold and some food, it IS a way to get out of the worst of poverty, basically. Still, he’d need gold - and it must be a random nugget or pebble or something, because if it’s a jewelry piece, chances are he’d be discovered if he starts selling tons of the same stolen jewel - not very discreet. That’s why it would take time and shouldn’t impact the gameplay a lot, not to mention it would be a small motivation to keep working for Everett for now - I mean, the saving of money. I don’t know about evil character who’d just steal the gold… maybe waiting for an opportunity?
But duplicating food item could help sometimes. Like creating a bit of meat or something - when you’re so poor, it would be helpful.
So yeah, I do think that power is good eh! And the drawbacks are enough to not make it gamebreaking. But I’m surprised the MC doesn’t have more ideas for it, since it’s one of the mandatory powers.
Oh wow, that’s peculiar! I can understand the trouble! Well…
Well, it DID work because I didn’t drop the game, but the entire thing was still upsetting.
I guess that’s also the reason why the moment the MC gives it back is a bit awkward, since he makes it look like a surprise while he said he’d give it back anyway? I glossed over it before eeeh… I wanted to get over the necklace at that point too
But yeah, when you rewrite, it’s definitely something to change as a whole, then.
Stealing the necklace in itself is fine - even for nicer MCs - as sad as it is, and as the game itself mentions when players decide MC’s gender, men tend to be seen as more intimidating, and even a nicer MC could have stolen from sweet Levi because he’s a man. But the giving back would be… well… a given
Well, I’m conflicted in that I don’t think it’s a bad idea to make Everett want to do that - I mean, want to force the MC to take drugs but…
I think you could give a different spin to the whole thing?
You see, what makes the situation “absurd” is that it doesn’t HAVE to be the MC who’s drugged? The MC is only needed to duplicate the tube with the target’s original sample. If Finley enjoys drugs, then he can just take them himself?
BUT, Everett being the evil monster he is, I can totally see why he would specifically want the MC to do so, in theory. It would be an additional layer of control - forcing him to do something he REALLY doesn’t want to do, not to mention that could make him addicted if he’d enjoyed it a lot, and then Everett could provide the drugs, making him even more dependant?
But well, we see Finley isn’t as evil as Evrerett, just basically amoral. If the MC is really unwilling to take the drugs, Finley could simply do it himself without telling Everett, since he himself enjoys the drugs. Not to mention, that would make Finley more likeable. And well, I don’t think Everett will be checking the urine samples to be sure the sample comes from the MC
But on the other hand, a MC who likes drugs or is curious about trying drugs could still do it.
But yes, I do agree the blackmail isn’t enough for the MC to keep working for Everett - well, for a nice MC.
May I suggest this - maybe in addition of the police, Everett could also threaten to send the memories anonymously to Quinn’s PR teams? They probably are in the small circle of people who know about the MC, and would alert Quinn that someone has dirt on his brother and that it could affect his reputation. If played right, that could be a reason for Quinn to take “expeditive” measures to get rid of his brother. Considering he did everything he could to basically “erase” him, now his brother’s crimes would be HIS crimes in the eyes of the public, and he may want to get rid of the problem at it’s core, aka get rid of his brother.
If Quinn is involved, it’s WAY more terrifying than the police, considering how corrupt and ruthless he seems to be.
Of course, if you use that idea, you’d have to spin it in the right way so Quinn wouldn’t think Everett (or well, someone) is threatening HIM, but I’m sure there are ways! Not that Everett would really do that, he wouldn’t take the risk, but if he uses the right words to describe his supposed plan so it would seem like he wouldn’t be in danger if doing so, the MC could be effectively intimidated at the thought.
The coding error:
Chapter 3, when MC makes a fireball while leaving the workplace, and Aster sees him from a tree (crazy kid ).
And that’s it!
Like I said, basically, most of the times I actually LIKE the ideas present in the story, but my problems come from either the way the MC views them, the exact execution, the choices in relation, or a mix of two or all of these factors.
Also, I wanted to mention that if he had shier romantic options to his interractions, I could have been interested in Finley’s romance too (doing Levi’s because he’s just too sweet and I think it would do good for a nice and depressive MC like mine). Finley is a really interesting character. He’s amoral, but I don’t think he’s evil, and that makes it truly fascinating. It’s just that with no good sense of morality, it’s very easy to do evil things. Like, with how flippant he is about the fact he dragged the MC into that, and seems to genuinely expect the MC not to have hard feelings.
But oh god, as much as I like Finley, Levi is… SUCH A SWEETHEART!
I usually don’t even like romancing characters like him but he won me over
I actually like reading your comments, sometimes I search for yours in some WiP threads.
And @LordHavoc I’m pretty sure a lab technician sometimes can find out male or female from urine samples when doing a drug test. And there are so many differences including hormones, RB Cells or Sperms and other stuff.
So lol if MC/Finley (for Konoi’ doubt) are not male then the sample’ will be most likely different (even slightly). The guy they Everett wants you to target is male. Anyway lol I even confirmed this by researching. it’s actually is in some kind of drug test for athletes post/news.
I agree with this, especially when we get a choice to oppose to drugs.
And lol Finley is pretty unlikeable so far Imo, so this might help most peeps to like them.
I’m goin’ for Levi and Aster (I think that’s a poly route).
Haha, I suspected so, since you answer to my comments quite often! Still, I’m flattered, whether we agree or not on the matter at hand!
Yeah, you’re right. I forgot about that since both MC and Finley are male in my playthrough!
I mean, I like Finley
I would have actually gone for his romance if the romance option weren’t so bold, considering we properly meet him before meeting Levi. Of course, now that I’ve started Levi’s romance, it would be hard for me to change.
Not mandatory poly, though? I don’t believe so at least?
I hope it isnt?
I don’t think so, I got that idea cause when you ask Aster to the theme-park they’ll ask to bring Levi too, and then you’ll get to flirt/enjoy with both of them and Aster flirts with both MC and Levi (mostly with Levi).
Hey, ya can’t agree with everything the one’s ya like say. More like I like the way you think.
Nope, for me Finley is too reckless, I’m reckless most times irl and my MC too most times in this, so it just sucks.
It should, hopefully get better eventually as I think the kid could copy jackets, which is a fairly big item, while the mc is stuck copying small and mostly useless things for now.
Maybe that power grows naturally, which would suck for the mc, as it means that while eventually it could probably copy entire battleships, the mc would probably be well over 100 years old or dead before the power grows that much. Anyway those are merely my thoughts on the duplication power, but the kid was clearly able to do more with it than the mc.
It is also the power that comes closest to what the mc’s own power was supposed to be, even if it lacks the ability to conjure things from our imagination which is why the mc’s power is utterly useless to them in the first place. Copying is the next best thing though.
Whereas my mc’s goal is to ruin his twin and take whatever he has for himself and that includes his twin’s place in society and a way to de-age himself would also be nice for that, as being powerful and important while young and sexy is way more fun than only reaching that at 98 years old.
Yep, which is also why using the authorities to bring Everett and his company down won’t work for my mc as that would only put him on the radar of his damned sibling. Which is why we need to destroy the company that currently enslaves the mc from the inside and preferably in such a way that the authorities are none the wiser.
I agree with @Konoi though that I’d prefer the mc to not have steal or be able to get rid of the acid power, as that one sucks and goes against the whole sexy and seductive thing my mc would want, once he is finally able to step out of the damned shadows.
I like it because it is the closest to the original power the mc would have had. It is also the only power that might truly make it possible for the mc to not only defeat his twin but to usurp the twin’s own empire and position in society, which is a crucial second priority for my mc at least, as merely defeating the twin would still leave my mc either destitute or enslaved to some corporation, led by Everett or not as some menial wage slave.
I can see both sides here, but I will add that being forced to take drugs will want to make my mc kill Everett gruesomely now, as drugs are something he’d never ever even contemplate doing on his own. My mc probably doesn’t even drink because he feels the need to keep his wits about him at all times, and now that he has powers that need has only increased as he wouldn’t want to inadvertently advertise that fact to the world.
I would still expect Everett to also know this and have a dead man’s switch system in place that may release much of blackmail in case we just kill him. Which would alert the authorities and our twin and would be really, really extremely bad. At least to my mc.
To move against Everett we must identify and dismantle the key components of his system first and by first I mean nearly simultaneously so as to avoid alerting them to the fact that we are tampering with it.
Really I think that bringing down Everett would really have to be done with a perfectly coordinated heist type situation with our new team going off without a hitch.
At present we are far from ready to even attempt such a thing.
It would probably need to be the halfway point of the game/series, whatever as it does need to be done before we can seriously start contemplating dealing with our sibling, one way or the other.
I love how we’re always opposed on things like that!
Yeah, that’s true!
Hence stealing his powers BEFORE killing him. He wouldn’t have control anymore.
Anyway, if the author wants to limit it, while letting the mc keep it then maybe something like the only natural growth mechanic I suggested previously could work. Right now the mc can only copy small, useless objects with a long recharge time, unless of course we get our hands on a small gemstone or something, but the kid we stole it from was already up to effortlessly copying a whole bunch of jackets and likely had a way shorter recharge time than the mc too. But if the power only grows naturally it may also, sadly for the mc, have taken the kid 13-14 years to get there.
Even in its current near useless state it is already the one power my mc actually treasures and would never give back, even if he could.
Besides, while he is still enslaved all powers are useless to him anyway, as he doesn’t want the company finding out that he has powers or worse that he can steal them.
Well my mc has enough of being a pauper in the shadows and being the one who is always spat upon and trampled, both metaphorically and physically it seems while his stupid twin has everything and is also his worst bully. So yeah, both hatred and jealousy/greed run strong in him. But, eh, for my mc what mr. Gecko said, “greed is good” is true, at least once he is able to step out of the damned shadows that is.
As far as a “normal” life goes, my mc has now had a taste of wage slavery for Everett’s company and finds it to be even worse than his previous life as a thief and a pauper. So if “normal” is being an underpaid, overworked office drone, he want nothing to do with that.
I’m not sure he probably also has old fashioned blackmail, like documents, recordings and videos which stealing his powers wouldn’t prevent from being released into the wild through said dead man’s switch. I still think toppling Everett would need to be executed as a perfect heist to prevent anything from leaking out and alerting the authorities and the mc’s twin.
When the power user is anxious or nervous the items gets duplicated with any control, like MC accidentally duplicated a pencil into a dozen copies which led to Everett taking even more advantage of MC.
I don’t completely agree with this, while the acid tears sucks when it comes to emotions and sometimes romance. Acid (this one could be modified into a different acid type of power) helps breaking and opening stuff and in escaping when locked in too.
Actually if anything happens to or unavailable to control his eye drone like camera things, they will release all the data.
Lol I’m opposed to both of you.
Same thing, if anything happens to him, his drone things release everything instantly. He tells MC this in the beginning.
Still a pencil versus a jacket, it is a marked difference in size.
There’s probably a way to beat it, just gotta figure it out. The alternative is to remain a slave forever, either to Everett or whatever passes for the “authorities” and our stupid twin.
If the signal cannot be prevented the answer would be either a location that prevents the transmission from reaching anything, a signal interceptor or, to be on the safe side, both.
The difficulty then, after acquiring and equipping a probably deep underground bunker for this purpose would be to lure Everett there without arousing undue suspicion on his part, which means finding the right context.
No but, like, we’re talking about memory balls created by a power. If this power changes hands, it won’t even be something the owner of the power has seen, so it would make sense for the things to just disappear naturally, on the spot. No time for them to be delivered somewhere.
The argument that Everett has documented things seems like a bigger issue to me, but then again, if he’s powerless, things would become easier anyway.
It’s also established that it takes a couple of seconds of contact for the mc to actually steal/absorb a power, would that leave Everett enough time to release everything…
Not a risk my mc is willing to take without knowing more, as bad as our current slavery is becoming a slave to the “authorities” would be infinitely worse.