Hiya folks, since I’ve gotten into a good meaty portion, of my first ever story. I’ll share what I’ve done thus far.
You’re dropped into the role of a young adult with a mysterious sordid past and come upon something you never thought you’d forget.
Your imaginary friend was real.
And its dangerous.
And its not the only one.
The world opens up to your character and goes on from there.
That being said I’ve a playtest ready, its just the basic intro stuff with a creepy linger here and there.
Let me know what you think and if I’m on the right track. If there’s ever a chance to change direction its now.
so thankyou and please enjoy my work thus far.
Contains mature themes, and horror violence.
Only 1st chapter
there has been more indepth discussion if you want to know more about what I’ve been working on in the below link. Feel free to wander there and get a sense for what I’m aiming to do.
Not to mess with what you have, but in your three main little draw in points, you have “its not the only one.” I’m kinda hoping that you make it seem like it might be an isolated think, at least for a portion of it. Mostly because there’s nothing that intensifies horror than being the only person with the particular problem
“Scrubbed clean, feeling fresh and almost human and sleep atrophy reluctantly sliding off your bones. Almost ready to face face the world aren’t you…though a little under-dressed. Really don’t need to get arrested for indecent exposure, so to the closet we go. Question is what are you going to choose tonight? Letting your hand drift over a few choices, thinking about what kind of impression you want to give and thinking idly… Making this decision seems a chore, everything in here is ‘your’ style so it shouldn’t be that hard a choice. So what part of your outfit tonight really stands out?”
Hey I use safari on my phone and it won’t load up the dropbox link all it says is the thing were it can’t connect because it lost access to the server is this a problem on my side on the link. I’ll try one more time if it works then this post is meaningless but if it doesn’t work I’ll have to find out what the problem is.
yah it’s not working it says the server has stopped responing does anyone who has an iphone know what this means or is this a problem the author needs to fix.
I got to the part where it asked me what part of my outfit stood out the most, and got the following message:
Line 1027: No selectable options
It’s been a really fun demo, though. I like how you show what stat is influenced by each choice. Any possibility you could list the consequences of choosing each “build” on the same screen where you choose your build?
Pretty good so far. Lots of gender issues though. The imaginary friend, the best friend, your status as niece or nephew all get mixed up during the course of the demo. There are issues with lack of spaces at some of the gender references as well.
Looks like you have the beginnings of a pretty fun game so far though
I really love how it just throws you into a nightmare scene, but there are a few grammar mistakes here and there and as @LordOfLA mentioned there are a ton of gender mistakes making me think I choose the wrong gender.
Besides that this story has a lot of potential and I’m really happy to see a demo being a big fan of your last forum and summary of this game.
So far I’m liking the story. Starting off with a nightmare made me know there’s gonna be a lot of horror happening, it’s not often I find CoG games with a horror genre so it’s gonna be enjoyable for me.
Also I’m in love with how ‘british’ this is. With the MC constantly shouting ‘BUGGER’ at everything, that’s pretty much how it is here makes a change since most games are based in America.
There’s many grammar and misspelling around, but it’s a demo and it’ll be patched up of course. But what I found most irritating is when I made the imaginary friend and best friend both females but the imaginary friend was described as masculine whilst our best friend was a cut between the two, at times being referred to ‘he’ and then a sentence later ‘she’
Overall, I didn’t let this bother me too much because the storyline has a lot of potential and you can go many ways about it. The condition of our MC is well thought out, with the hallucinations and the anxiety coming with has got me believing it and worrying what will happen to me if I continue without medication or being calm, that’s a good thing btw I do hope you do manage to make this into a full game. We will help out with spotting errors for you too
all it says is that the webpage is unavailable. I hope you get it to work.
makes a change since most games are based in America.