Looking for feedback - Still Alive WIP

UPDATED - March 19th, 2024 (New background choice added - Conspiracy Theorist)

(Sorry for being MIA for the last couple weeks. I got a promotion at work which has led to more hours spent there, and less hours available to write. But I’ve been doing everything I can to provide atleast a small update for the game and let everyone know I am still actively working on it.)

I’ve begun work on my new game “Still Alive”. In it, you play as an everyday person (gender is customizable) who begins to grow tired of their everyday life. That is until everything they know changes. The zombie apocalypse has started, and it’s up to you on what type of person you’ll become. Will you help those you meet along the way, or will you mainly look out for yourself? Will you cling to the idea of what society once was, or will you try to create a new world how you see fit?

Currently it’s only one chapter, and I plan on hopefully updating it every 2 weeks.
(Going to be adding a background update that will have multiple backgrounds to choose from, each with different stats and routes. If I can get it finished sooner than two weeks, then I will post it upon completion)

This is my first WIP, and my first dive into coding, so I’m learning as I go. These forums have some really helpful tips, and some incredibly nice people, so I figured I might as well make my first post. If you end up taking the time to read it, thank you so much! I’ve done some writing as a hobby, but nothing serious, so any feedback/tips would be greatly appreciated! Any recommendations for the game would also be awesome. I hope you have a wonderful day (or night), and good luck to all my fellow writers trying to get their start!

To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/play/xenodijin/still-alive/mygame/

41 Likes

pretty good start

Thoughs

You sit down at your desk, the rest of the employees doing the same shortly after, and log into your computers. You type your name into the system, and hit clock in.

I feel like that sentence could be better but that’s just me, like adding details or showing instead of telling.

So like if you had coffee:
The coffee scent lingers in the air as you settle into your desk, the morning quiet broken only by the click-clack of keyboards coming alive one by one. You type in your name…

or even if you didn’t have coffee, you know just to show instead of tell

Now I’m not saying it should be exactly like what I sent, that’s just an example, but you know adding those little details are what makes the difference

How to add Saving

make sure you to put this in startup(at the bottom)

sm_init nameofgamehere | number of save slots here

so in your case

*sm_init stillalive | 5

and tick this on dashingdon
Screenshot_20240109_173513_Chrome

put *comment before the *sm_init stillalive | 5 for when you are playtesting the code, and then remove it whenever you’re going to upload the files to dashingdon and repeat

4 Likes

Very interesting read. For the first chapter. I feel like you’re trying to start the Zombie Apocalypse

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Thank you for both of these tips! I actually was a little confused on the save stuff, but this has cleared it up.

I will definitely take your advice on the showing instead of telling. I’ve always struggled with this aspect, but there’s always time to learn!

Thank you for reading and replying to this post. I truly appreciate it!

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Yes, that is the plan for the story. Thanks for the read!

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Well, I wish you luck. I would like to see a different form of zombie You’re going with the boiling. one Now I gotta wonder how this is gonna play out. Are I just gonna be one type of zombie or something more terrifying.

Haven’t decided yet, but I’m open to the thought of multiple types of zombies. Still trying to think of cool ideas for subtypes if I do go that route. Thanks for the reply!

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I unfortunately don’t have more feedback than what’s already been provided given how short it currently is.

after the return

After you’ve listened to that “Truth” radio station. The part where it goes. * but the call you heard earlier on 98.7, The Truth might have been real.*
It would possibly be better served adding quotation marks on “98.7, The Truth” as it makes it require a bit of a double take when reading. Since I automatically see that as “98.7. The truth might have been real.” as opposed to “98.7, the truth, might have been real.” if you catch my drift.

Outside of that. Looks good. I am interested in seeing how it goes further!

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Thanks for the feedback! I definitely see where you’re coming from on that, so I’ll fix it later after I get off work.

Sorry it’s so short btw. I’m not sure if i should have even posted it yet but I’ve already gotten some good tips, so it’s been worth it overall.

5 Likes

Zombie stories are not my thing but I read it and I really think you have a great story there :grinning:
Will Stefan be a friend to go through the story? Or Natalie? Do we get killed? Is that the end? Get we bitten? …

You will know more if you stay on this channel :laughing:

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You had me at zomb

Diving into wip immediately

Chapter one is basically everything you would expect from a prologue to a z game, there was nothing that I could see at first glance that made me loose immersion, and the best thing, it didn’t feel like a drag, until the action begins. Wish I could help with the code, but I’m clueless there.

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We’ll get answers to all of these questions, and more, as long as you stay tuned into “98.7, The Truth!” :laughing:

Hopefully I can keep on schedule and have the next chapter be out in one or two weeks. Thanks for the read, and hopefully you’ll come back to check out chapter two!!

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Thank you for the read and I’m glad you seemed to enjoy it! There is still some things I need to work on, but at least the story doesn’t drag to much (which is something I’ve been worried about since I started.)

Hopefully you’ll come back to check out chapter two!

2 Likes

The first chapter is pretty decent. And I mean if Stefan will stick around maybe add more interaction like conversation with the MC, so like it feels more natural.

And I would suggest maybe adding a prewritten set of first names. Personally I usually chose from those so I don’t accidentally have the same nickname as any future characters

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The best zombie IF I’ve read is zombie Exodus & safe haven. Same writer.

The setup is good but what determines it staying good is how you’ll write the apocalypse as or after it happens. The things you’ll do & the people you meet.

Not much to say when everything is setting up for the main plot.

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Stefan/Stephanie is intended to show up later so I’ll make sure to add something to make the “relationship” feel more natural. So thank you for that advice!

I hadn’t thought about the MC’s name like that, so I definitely will make a list of name choices when I get home.

Thank you for taking the time to read and provide this feedback! Have a wonderful day, and hopefully you’ll come back to see chapter two or updates that I’ll add!

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Thank you for the reply.

As of right now I’m mainly looking for grammatical errors, advice on how to make things more interactive for the reader/or even just more fun to read.

I hope you have a wonderful day and thank you for taking the time for this!

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When Nathan calls for you to pass the ball, use Mister instead of Mr.

Also break off paragraphs every 2-3 sentences to make it more readable.

You could also introduce whose speaking like the radio talker. Seems like a common character in this story.

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Heard that, all of those recommendations have been noted!

Thank you for the advice, it’s been rather helpful given this is my first time doing any of this.

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Sounds interesting

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