Lex Talionis: Exordium (Feedback)

freezing in general when i press the gray button on the bottom for a while it eventually freezes

He actually shows his true colors whenever possible. Though, Ryoka does make sure he does not cause serious harm due to the regulations placed on Talents.

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I’ll try to resolve the matter.

Can there be a way to not work with Seth and do it alone? Also maybe ignore Ryoka when he calls to us. And is there gonna be another way to decide your sexuality than talking about our adoptive mother’s full breasts and round ass :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

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I’ll make it possible to work alone.

I cannot comment on the second question. :sweat_smile::joy:

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I’m liking this demo so far! (Though, I’ve gotta agree with the majority in regards to how the player character’s sexuality is chosen.)

Just a quick question (and I don’t know if it had been addressed by someone else already): are the stats supposed to not change? The narrative says that my stats increased, but when I checked the stats screen itself, nothing has changed.

Also, Ryoka’s relationship stat increased after you accept teaming up with Seth. I believe you meant to increase Seth’s relationship stat instead? (idk if this really warrants the spoiler blur, but better safe than sorry)

Aside from that, I look forward to how the game and story progress!

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I’m glad about that, you’re takeaway and shared criticism.

I noticed in one of my playthroughs that the stats failed to change, so I’ll be fixing that issue and various others.

I like what you got so far, I can’t wait to see more of this.:hugs:

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what got you to make Lex Talionis

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The dreaded yet most welcomed question.

I am somewhat of an aspiring novelist and game developer. Though due to my incessant need to multitask I often end up achieving little progress with either one of those aspirations. Eventually, I decided to kill two birds with one stone and opted to make Lex Talionis, as choicescript managed to incorporate novel writing and the interactivity of games (to a lesser degree).

The above is one of the major motivators for Lex Talionis, while the rest are below:

I came across Choice of Games earlier this year and went through a decent portion of the games there. The works that stood out most for me were those of Zachary Sergi, which went with the traditional approach to writing heroes (Heroes series). I wanted to pursue a similar goal, but distinguish myself from others already doing the same. Thus, Lex Talionis attempts to do just that by focusing on a character that only wants to become a hero to avenge the murder of their father either through the law or by their hands. Additionally, this single-minded pursuit will broaden yet the MC’s reaction to it will determine much within the story, though in much later entries.

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First, I dunno if you know this, but the save slots aren’t working! You have to enable the plugin on Dashingdon. Not a huge thing, but fairly important.

Summary

The words you’ve chosen for eye colors may be slightly off putting, as not everyone could know what the colors look like? I don’t know the likelihood of that, and it could just very well be a personal thing, however, I will suggest possibly adding descriptions. (Very simply: as depth-less as obsidian, my eyes are graphite. Probably not the best example but-)

I honestly chuckled at the “round ass” description, it sort of took me out of it, personally. Describing her as “voluptuous” might work better, of course, that’s just me. I understand the mentioning of it, but the fact the sexuality is brought up when looking to MCs step-mother is…is odd. Very odd. If anything, it would work better if we’re introduced to Seth and Ryoka. So, I also have to agree that the timing of it was off-putting.

I can definitely see the MHA inspirations, and I quite like it. The universe of that series is fascinating and fun!

Take a drink every time Ryoka says “loser”.

I’ll admit, I kinda didn’t like that I couldn’t choose MC’s Talent. Chapter Three never loaded for me, so I can’t speak for the rest, but it wasn’t bad. I’d play more if I was able.

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I’ll be sorting out the saving issue with the upcoming update.

With the concerns over eye color that will be taken into consideration.

Naomi’s description has been adjusted, so I hope it will no longer be a major issue from here onwards.

Due to the planning done for Lex Talionis it proved best to not afford players with the ability to choose Talents.

Chapter three will be uploaded two days after the update.

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Update uploaded (assonance and alliteration!).

This means concerns were addressed and necessary changes implemented. Furthermore, the third chapter will be uploaded in 2 to 3 days.

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Unfortunately, while it’s certainly an improvement, I still feel it doesn’t go quite far enough.

This part, for example, is fine:

Auburn locks cascade down narrow shoulders, brushing the middle of Naomi’s back. She turns, hair swaying and burning bright against her pale skin. Naomi’s back is no longer facing you and it gives shows off her face. Half-British, half-Japanese heritage displays itself proudly and hazel eyes shine in the morning light.

(although I do feel that the bolded sentence is somewhat unnecessary). This part, however, is still overly-sexual:

Your eyes drift lower to her black pajamas. The fabric clings to her curvaceous form; outlining her full breast, narrow waist, wide hips, and round ass.

Also, the segue into the sexuality choice feels even more awkward now… :sweat_smile: Would it make sense to have it elsewhere? (e.g. with the rest of the character creation?)

Sorry for all the complaints… :sweat_smile: Good luck with the game! :smile:

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Perhaps an offhand comment on how the nightmare makes the player look ‘too tired’ and probably worrying about this impacting their attractiveness while still in front of the mirror before meeting Naomi would allow the player to say “Dang, I’m not going to look good for the x” with x being either guys, gals, both or neither.

.
With this, you can check for a switch to turn the line–that I agree with Parrot is still too much for what it is–off before the player gets there, and is concerned something is odd.

Of course if you meant to *erase* the line altogether, and then forgot until we readers caught it, then you can ignore this...

Ultimately, as far as writing goes, this isn’t a bad descriptive line; it just doesn’t really mesh well with general readers here in this particular situation. If it were in a book that was specifically playerXfemROs, it would be just fine because everyone would know the target readers are romancing exclusively fem characters. Here, though, it just feels too gratuitously out of place. :sweat_smile:

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I didn’t even notice until Parrot highlighted it.

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…And if she weren’t your mother, of course.

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Okay so I am in the middle of reading this but for some reason my stats do not appear to be altered in the stats screen.

So I chose to shield while against Ryoka and the game said that my defense increased as such but I checked my stats screen and the defensive-offensive scale still showed 50-50. This happened again when the game showed that my team player increased, and it still showed 50% in the stats screen. I am not sure about the rest but I suggest that you look into these for a sec.

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I recall someone mentioning that stats were not altering, and I changed the way I went about increases and decreases. Though I’ll sort out the issue later today.

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I will make this joke simple people when you have a superpower can you get very cocky you can think you can run the whole world will be a random superhero just to kick your ass to prove you’re wrong and you keep on provoking him and saying everything you’re better than them that you were in proven wrong again because they randomly kick your ass every time in the story that is the story of the dick face traitor of a friend