Very interesting story and very nice writing; I found a slight error though. In the beginning you describe our MC as half of the city, half metal, and half human; it wouldn’t really be half, it would just be a third.
Will do![quote=“Sovereign2Lilith, post:10, topic:17799”]
Maybe, you could find a way to make perspective changes easier to identify.
I can change the page break before the perspective shift to say something along the lines of “They begin to read”. One scrapped idea I have was that I’d actually change from second to first person (as if you’re actually reading the book) I ended up not doing that because I thought it might be too jarring? But perhaps it’ll make the shift clearer?
True. Okay, I’ll add that option in and add some more dialogue. (Thank you so much for your feedback!)
That’s basically what the opposing stats (and relationships) are right now. For example, if you go to The City first, before taking the book to Mentor, your interaction with Mentor will shift slightly because you’ve shown a preference for The City. The opposing stats will change how your character perceives the world, and your relationship with some characters, but won’t result in a game-over or something dire. (Although they’re also a good marker to tell you which path you’re heading down, since it’d be hard to rise one stat while trying to go down a path that favors the opposite).
There will be no premature game-overs, I can promise you that. Even if you fail at something, you just fail at that specific task. But instead of a game-over, there’ll just be consequences down the line to “punish” you for failing. Then again, who knows? Maybe you failed on purpose.
So “wrong decision” really depends on what you’re trying to do. Anything can be a “right decision” so long as that’s what you’re trying to accomplish.
Like @Sovereign2Lilith said, I meant for that to mean half-City as the city is metal, but I’ll make that a bit clearer! Thank you!
I’m glad you’re enthusiastic about it! Honestly, anybody who says anything here is kind of already a part of the WIP, because like I said I’m just winging it with ChoiceScript at this point and could use and all feedback/commentary you have to offer!
I absolutely love this demo so far and can’t wait for the next update! I don’t know how this will work,but will both characters have a chance of meeting each other during the story? I also get the feeling that this is based of the Greek myth, with maybe the city being the labyrinth of sorts? And there are more references but I don’t want to say anything in case I’m wrong… anyways I hope for more updates soon! This is really well written so far.
I can’t answer that outright since it does contain spoilers (whether or not the answer is yes or no)… so I guess my vague way of answering that to avoid spoiling the plot would be that the stories aren’t completely separate? (I’ll still put that under spoilers just to be safe.)
There actually are some nods to the legend of Icarus! (Besides, well, the name of the book and the character himself). Actually, all of the default names for the characters are connected to the legend of Icarus in some way.
Daedalus was Icarus’ father, Ariadne was the daughter of King Minos (who imprisoned Daedalus for helping Ariadne defeat the Minotaur), Thesi comes from Theseus who was the enemy of Minos, Samos is the name of the island close to the sea in which Icarus fell, the legend of Pasiphae (daughter of the sun) led to the birth of the Minotaur, Ovid is a narrator in the retelling of the Icarus legend in the book Metamorphoses. (And then Icarus is… Icarus.)
The story of Icarus inspired some of the basics of this book, and while the two aren’t vastly interrelated (not to say that they aren’t at all, just very loosely), I wanted to nod to the original inspiration, so the names are kind of my secondary homage.
There is another WIP here that uses 1st/2nd person shifts to differentiate the protagonists (The Last Level), which I thought worked quite well. I can’t wait to see what happens when the stories entangle…
This is a really fantastic story so far! The writing is spot on, I didn’t feel the need to gloss over the paragraphs like I tend to do with a lot of books. I like that we get to control two characters, both of which live in very interesting worlds.
In the Icarus Sun half, I noticed there’s a stat for wings. Are we going to get wings??
Oh, yeah, I like how they do it, it’s very smooth. I guess the one thing I’d be worried about if implementing that into my game would be breaking the player’s immersion? I want them to feel as if they are both the City Child and the Icarus Sun Character, not the City Child and then that they simply are reading about the Icarus Sun Character. Does that make sense? Am I worrying needlessly? We may never know.
Thank you so much!
Perceptive! And you will kind of have the option to get wings? They won’t be “wings” in how everyone else has wings, because book MC wasn’t born with them, but there will be pseudo-wings available later on? Like with most else in this story it depends on what choices you make and the consequences of said choices. Put simply; Yes? Kind of?
Same here! You should read If on a winter’s night a traveler by Italo Calvino if you like books within books. (Ironically, it’s told in second person half of the time.)
No problem! You haven’t missed it since the question hasn’t been asked/answered yet.
Yes, there will be several ROs (and, lucky for you, Icarus is one of them!) But only in the book-half.
Mainly because The City Child is around 12 years old and the only other characters are The City (which is a city made of metal), Mentor who’s late 20s early 30s, Nikolai who is around 17, Rosie who’s 8, and Miss Julie who’s also late 20s-early 30s.
But within Icarus Sun there’s 4 ROs:
Or if you chose to not romance anyone that’s good too, having an RO will add to the plot some but it won’t take away anything. And some characters will be harder to romance if you chose certain options that don’t pertain to romantic intentions. (But that’ll be pretty obvious, since a lot of these characters have conflicting goals, such as Lorraine and Icarus. If you tend to side with Lorraine it’ll be harder to romance Icarus and vice versa.)
So I had a couple of days free which was fantastic because I basically just wrote and went horseback riding which are two of my favorite things. It also meant that, in the writing half, I got a lot done.
So expect the next update by the end of this week, I would say.
The update is going to be subsequently longer (word-wise) and shorter (plot-wise) than was originally planned. Word-wise I’ve technically already surpassed the 10,000 word goal but most of that is due to the fact that coming up is one of those sequences I’ve talked about.
Shorter plot-wise because although this sequence has taken up the majority of the wording it also means that this next City section is longer, and I expected to get to the next Icarus Sun section as well, but since the City section in and of itself surpasses the original goal and I don’t want to just flood this update with a ton of stuff going on, I’m probably going to just finish up this City section and have that be the new update. Does that sound good to you guys?
That and the fact that the next Icarus Sun section will probably be as long if not longer, so that really should be separated just for the sake of sanity.
If anyone has any ideas/suggestions, I’m open to them! Thanks for listening.
Honestly, all I can really muster at the moment are excited T-Rex noises.
…in other words, I’m incapable of saying very much of substance at this time and so will simply go with ‘I really, really like this and am looking forward to what comes next.’ I promise I’ll come up with something better eventually.
Also, your update plan sounds legit. I’m personally a proponent of update floods, but then I gotta wonder if that’ll also flood you, the author, so… You do you.
WOW just wow!
This is a fantastic wip! A story within a story is really a fascinating concept and you did a pretty intriguing start! You go me hooked up with your world!
Do I need to say, that I’m already in love with Icarus?
We lie in the shadows, awaiting our time to strike and draw you in.
T-Rex noises are good. Just don’t go Jurassic Park on us and kill us all. That would not be fun… or so I assume.
Thank you so much! I’m happy you like it!
Most likely than not updates will come… hopefully pretty close together? Question mark because I’m also volunteering soon and that’s going to eat up time, but not all time. So hopefully the leftover time can be recycled and cooked up again in order to be served to this WiP.
Thank you so much!
Ahahah, I’m getting the sense that our little wingless illusionist man is becoming a favorite.
I’m curious to see what everyone thinks of the other ROs, when they’re introduced.
So, there are pieces of this story inspired by the legend of Icarus… but most of it is basically just the product of the weird hippie watercolor swirl of ideas that float around in my head. And I can’t say much, but I can say that in the literal sense that won’t happen.
What I can also put under spoilers is pay attention to what Icarus calls you, especially if romanced.
So, yeah, can’t state anything direct but those are your two hints
EDIT: I’ll also say, to assuage your worries (or perhaps add to them?), that I don’t plan on railroading anyone into any one specific kind of ending. Tragic or happy.
The scent of angst is sweet, no? Maybe that’s just me.
This is kinda tricky, it’s like with the sequences that I talked about above.
“Good” and “Bad” are highly subjective when it comes to endings in this game. If you’re aiming for one ending, and get something else than it could be considered the “horrible, oh no no no, I messed up big time this isn’t what I wanted”, ending. But if you were aiming to get that ending then it might seem like the “yes, finally, I’ve been trying to get this to happen and I’m so glad that it did this is perfect” ending.
So are there “tragic” endings? Yes, very much so. But they might also be the “good ending” if that was what you were aiming for.
I think a prime example of this will actually be in the next update (not ending wise but the whole "if you’re trying for this then getting the other thing means that this is your bad situation but for someone else they may be trying to get the other thing and actually doing the original goal would be their bad situation), since the next update involves two sequences.
I hope you like memory puzzles! (And also guessing games).
You see a bit of that (I’m fairly certain) at the end of the current demo? (Or, wait… did we not get to that yet? If not then it’s in the next update.) But… yes. He does. But not like how most people in Alatum do.
Let’s just say it’s one of the reasons he’s a wanted criminal.
I just noticed that the male MC default name Daedalus…(and i was looking forward to Icarus scolded by his father).I was playing as female MC the first time so i though the other gender name also representing the sun hahahaha…and gender-netral MC default name is just tragic… He will never reach them…oh…I guess they represent what Icarus will never reach…or i’m just overthingking it.
I thought there will only tragic ending for the book.I’m glad…