Yes. Something along the lines of “I dont like him, but decide to hide my wariness behind a smile, he could be usefull in the future” etc
OK, I will keep that in mind. After all, you may be assigned a role for the
sake of the story, but if you want to go in an unusual direction such as
saying ‘screw it, I’m gonna work for the villains’ I plan to have that
option.
Alright I’m writing this as I go, so sorry if I say something that’s redundant or totally wrong because of something later on.
By the way, I played these songs while playing this game, and it was amazing. If you like metal, you might like this. Mechina sounds like a prog/symphonic metal kind of band, I would say. It definitely sounds good for when you’re going up to the castle and meeting with the Queen. It makes it exciting.
First off, some grammatical errors.
There needs to be commas here because I wasn’t able to tell what was what until I read it over.
The caps jump from gender to Eyecolor (also, Eye color and Hair color are spaced) and there’s an underscore by player name.
“The” should be capitalized.
Uppercase “You”.
You missed the period before “many” and accidentally put it near the end.
Comma after advisors.
the comma after the MC’s name, in this case Christina, should go on the inside of the quotations. I don’t know why the next line is made up of only one sentence like that, either. Later on there are quotations by each other like “…immensely as of late.” “In the past…” You don’t have to do that. Just keep it all in one quotes until you get to “she adds”.
You do it again here.
If I understand this correctly, there should be a hyphen between “inside” and “contact”.
Quotations get messed up by contrary.
So, onto things besides grammar.
Let’s get the nit-picky part out of the way before I talk about some deeper things. The part in the beginning when it asks for your name confused me a little. It asked me for my name and I wasn’t sure if it wanted my first and last name or just first. Either make two separate parts for first and last, or specify please.
I wasn’t a huge fan of how the character and horse customization was handled, too. Truth be told, I don’t like character customization in CoGs at all, so I’m a bit biased, but when a game does have it, I like it when it’s subtle. As in, I don’t like when a game outright asks me what my hair color and eye color is. I already have a picture of my character in the first place, so rarely does my character appearance seem to play a huge part in the game, but it’s some people’s cup of tea. I know I definitely like it better when a game does something more along the lines of, “You look in the mirror and are reminded of your distinct hair color that runs through your family” or something like that that leads up to the choice of hair color, not just “what is your hair color”.
If you refresh the page all your choices are wiped and the game starts over again.
Finally, the big part. I’m really interested in this game, because I myself have wrote some stories (not on here) about a Queen and her royal guard. It’s actually vastly, different, but this was a lot of fun to read, even if it was only a little part. Like your story, I have written extensive lore for an entire universe. What I found not so fun was the fact that I only got snippets of the lore. I understand that this is still in very early stages of development, but I can already see you have this whole realm unfolding through words. You can create things like that, you know, which is what I find so amazing about writing; it takes you to places planes, trains, and automobiles can’t.
I felt like I was being locked out of those kinds of places.
Maybe that’s a little harsh. I felt like I was being given a taste of a taste. Like I said, I understand that this is still very early into creation, but what you did have could be built onto. The descriptions for the races in the game, for example, were sparse. All I know about the Akhi is that they are strong. I don’t have any picture as to what they look like or how they act or what kind of history their people have. I don’t know what the Order of the Star is. The Seal of the Wolf sounds very important to lore, maybe not, but either way I want a big long paragraph of it because I envision this giant realm bustling with activity and subterfuge and politics and trickery and cunning heroes and excitement, but all I feel like I’m really getting is a short sentence on it. If you don’t want to fit it into the actual game part, you can have a lore page by the stats. Or you can do both so people can go back and look at the lore when they feel like it.
And oh gosh am I hooked on the Queen 
I love how no nonsense she seems when she walks through and “expects you to follow without looking”, just how I’d imagine a queen to be. And the shopkeeper was really funny, too. I can’t wait to hear more from these characters and your writing and I will try to keep giving good feedback if you’re okay with it. And give me feedback on my feedback because this is my first time writing extensive feedback on CoG! 
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First off, you’re right, that music is pretty cool.
Thank you for the corrections too. I appreciate when people point out
spelling and grammatical errors so I can correct my work. I have heard it’s
hard to proofread your own stuff because you know what you’re trying to say
so you miss where it’s not clear, plus if you didn’t know the right way to
write something in the first place, how are you going to know how to fix
it? So that’s always good.
The reason there is an awkward double quote for the “immensely of late…”
and “You have shown…” is because the bit about courage or loyalty are
based on whether your choices have increased those stats over the baseline.
So the quote either ends after the ‘threat’ line or includes the additional
line about how courageous etc you are. When it’s not there it looks a bit
cleaner, whereas when you have that extra line it fits in kind of
strangely. It’s the same with the other awkward quote. Depending on how you
respond, she adds a response to that before continuing. Like you obviously
gave the more cautious answer of “I shall do my best”, so she responds to
that with an optional quote before continuing with the non-optional text
about it not being an easy task, here’s your route etc.
Ah, you caught an extra quote there. The ‘contrary to what you may have
heard’ was actually part of the same quote, where he assures you that
despite the warnings (based on real-world similar warnings), this helm
won’t block your vision or hearing but actually improve them (aka raise
your Perception stat). I accidentally put a close quote there, so the
‘contrary’ does mess that part up.
I decided to turn the name into a first and last. I think a lot of people
would prefer to have both parts, where originally I took the lazy option of
just having a single name variable.
I know most people want to give their hair and eye color and so on, so I’ll
keep that, but I suppose I could try to make it more integrated and prose
than simply “Input hair, input eyes”. I’m not terribly good at that, but
I’ll see what I can do.
I’m not sure what to do about the fact that a refresh wipes everything out.
There must be a way to code something to get around that, I’ll look it up.
I plan to add more description of the races (and even an additional race),
and gradually put in more of the lore. I’m still coming up with it as I go
along, but it should be a fairly interesting world. I often get stuck
trying to figure out how to put in all these crazy ideas, the whens and
hows of it and working out description that doesn’t just have the reader
going ‘thank you Mr. Exposition, do you know about show not tell?’ 
I liked writing the shopkeeper especially, and though the Queen wasn’t
terribly detailed, I’m glad she came across as properly royal and so on.
I’m glad you’re enjoying it so far. I like the idea of optional lore
detailing. After all, WoW basically has a huge novel worth of lore you can
look at if you choose and another one for instructions so I guess that’s a
popular way of handling it
Keep a look out for pretty significant changes as I try to work in various
suggestions and detail things more. For example, I’ll probably make it so
you can start in either major country and might want to so you can get the
whole twisted plot.
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Some games have this fancy save system where you can have multiple saves, but I’ve heard it’s very hard to code. Most games just keep one save so you can exit and come back so as long as you didn’t click restart. I’m sure there are many people that can help you with that, although I don’t know how myself.
I, like you, like to come up with things as a go along, but you might have an easier time if you stop for just a bit and formulate some thoughts about the races. Maybe imagine them doing things outside of this story; put yourself in their shoes for a day. Are they sitting down and doing advanced mathematics of some sort, or are they maybe out competing at who can catch the most deer or whatever the equivalent is in this universe. Then use those customs that race has to describe them. They should be able to stand on their own, outside of this story, as a functioning (or at least semi) society of some sort.
Thank you, I like that idea (of imagining them beyond the plot) and I’ll
keep it in mind for various stories.
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Well, you don’t have to ask the player their hair and eye color in the first place!
In fact, I’m planning on my story to ask for your gender at earlier point in the story (which is no confirmation), and then ask for the name at the scene where an npc ask their name (this one has conf.)
It’s all about the flow. No need to question the player immediately, especially when you’re not going to use them anytime soon.
There’s this thread… umm… where is it…
Ah! here it is
But just in case if you found that thread confusing, I’ll list the steps you need to complete in an order.
[details=Steps]
-
Download smPluginMenuAddon.js (click the File link)
-
Move the file you just downloaded
to your “…/web/” folder. (There’re various .js files such as navigator.js, scene.js, and util.js) -
Go to “…/web/mygame/” folder and edit the index.html file (use notepad/similar program to edit the file).
-
Inside, you’ll see codes and stuffs. But what you want to do is, locate a bunch of
<script src="...code lines and copy this code
anywhere between those code bunches.
<script src="../smPlugin.js"></script>
<script src="../smPluginMenuAddon.js"></script> -
Now, go to your normal startup.txt file and insert this code anywhere on your variable declarations part.
*sm_init [title] | 3
Make sure you replace the [title] with the actual title of your game -
Don’t forget to save every changes you’ve made![/details]
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I may nix the eye/hair color thing for now and put in something about it
later. Thank you for making that point. Is the save something that works
with Chronicler, the choicescript visual editor? That’s the one I prefer to
use.
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Well, implementing that save system doesn’t have anything to do with Chronicler, I’m afraid.
That being said, you’ll have to open the files I mentioned manually, since it’s pure coding stuff.
Especially the index.html part.
But to be blunt, the steps are basically just to put extra one and two codelines via text editor and save the changes.
Now, I don’t use the chronicler tool so I don’t know much about it, but maybe the tool itself has its own saving add-on that can be applied to your game. Just saying. ¯\_ 
_/¯
What kind of ROs do you plan on adding in the future? One with the queen I hope 
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I’m honestly not sure. The queen may be one, albeit a difficult one to get.
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Oh pretty please with your Majesty on top👑 My MC wants to serve his queen😁
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Oh lawdy, that sounded dirty lol
Like I said, she would probably be difficult, but it seems to be popular so
I’ll try to work in the possibility
3 Likes
I have not tested it myself, but I see no reason why it wouldn’t work. As @Szaal mentioned the saving system affects your ChoiceScript install, not Chronicler. All that Chronicler touches is the scene.txt files.
It’s been awhile since I’ve used @dashingdon’s site, so I’m not certain that those changes can be uploaded there.
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