Alright I'm writing this as I go, so sorry if I say something that's redundant or totally wrong because of something later on.
By the way, I played these songs while playing this game, and it was amazing. If you like metal, you might like this. Mechina sounds like a prog/symphonic metal kind of band, I would say. It definitely sounds good for when you're going up to the castle and meeting with the Queen. It makes it exciting.
First off, some grammatical errors.
There needs to be commas here because I wasn't able to tell what was what until I read it over.
The caps jump from gender to Eyecolor (also, Eye color and Hair color are spaced) and there's an underscore by player name.
"The" should be capitalized.
You missed the period before "many" and accidentally put it near the end.
Comma after advisors.
the comma after the MC's name, in this case Christina, should go on the inside of the quotations. I don't know why the next line is made up of only one sentence like that, either. Later on there are quotations by each other like "...immensely as of late." "In the past..." You don't have to do that. Just keep it all in one quotes until you get to "she adds".
You do it again here.
If I understand this correctly, there should be a hyphen between "inside" and "contact".
Quotations get messed up by contrary.
So, onto things besides grammar.
Let's get the nit-picky part out of the way before I talk about some deeper things. The part in the beginning when it asks for your name confused me a little. It asked me for my name and I wasn't sure if it wanted my first and last name or just first. Either make two separate parts for first and last, or specify please.
I wasn't a huge fan of how the character and horse customization was handled, too. Truth be told, I don't like character customization in CoGs at all, so I'm a bit biased, but when a game does have it, I like it when it's subtle. As in, I don't like when a game outright asks me what my hair color and eye color is. I already have a picture of my character in the first place, so rarely does my character appearance seem to play a huge part in the game, but it's some people's cup of tea. I know I definitely like it better when a game does something more along the lines of, "You look in the mirror and are reminded of your distinct hair color that runs through your family" or something like that that leads up to the choice of hair color, not just "what is your hair color".
If you refresh the page all your choices are wiped and the game starts over again.
Finally, the big part. I'm really interested in this game, because I myself have wrote some stories (not on here) about a Queen and her royal guard. It's actually vastly, different, but this was a lot of fun to read, even if it was only a little part. Like your story, I have written extensive lore for an entire universe. What I found not so fun was the fact that I only got snippets of the lore. I understand that this is still in very early stages of development, but I can already see you have this whole realm unfolding through words. You can create things like that, you know, which is what I find so amazing about writing; it takes you to places planes, trains, and automobiles can't.
I felt like I was being locked out of those kinds of places.
Maybe that's a little harsh. I felt like I was being given a taste of a taste. Like I said, I understand that this is still very early into creation, but what you did have could be built onto. The descriptions for the races in the game, for example, were sparse. All I know about the Akhi is that they are strong. I don't have any picture as to what they look like or how they act or what kind of history their people have. I don't know what the Order of the Star is. The Seal of the Wolf sounds very important to lore, maybe not, but either way I want a big long paragraph of it because I envision this giant realm bustling with activity and subterfuge and politics and trickery and cunning heroes and excitement, but all I feel like I'm really getting is a short sentence on it. If you don't want to fit it into the actual game part, you can have a lore page by the stats. Or you can do both so people can go back and look at the lore when they feel like it.
And oh gosh am I hooked on the Queen I love how no nonsense she seems when she walks through and "expects you to follow without looking", just how I'd imagine a queen to be. And the shopkeeper was really funny, too. I can't wait to hear more from these characters and your writing and I will try to keep giving good feedback if you're okay with it. And give me feedback on my feedback because this is my first time writing extensive feedback on CoG!