@Everyone
Thank you everyone for your support. When I read these critiques, I don’t see negativity, I see people who are very passionate about something I made. This is my first Choice Of game, so I am under no illusion that it is perfect. I look forward to being a part of this community and supporting you guys in your own works as well!
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It’s been a while since I wrote anything on the forms but I had to say this.
While I’ll openly admit that there are some rooms for improvement, the transition in the last few chapters is the most notable to me. I fee it could have been fleshed out a little, or help set up with a few more hints of the true mastermind, though I did love the tongue in cheek sort of humor and feel, it wasn’t over played. Finally I have to say when Patch…I mean at the end before you find out what was really going on, oh my gosh, I teared up when I was just on a friend rout, but then when I romanced him…Real tears guys, real tears, I had to put the game down for a second, and that I must give @MultipleChoice their props on the fact they got me so attached and then to cause a massive amount of feels in me I actually cried a little? Even after reading it two times before I chose the romance route? Bravo!
So even if there was rooms to pull this story into the true Epic it had the potential for, I had to give praise where praise was due.
I’m not sure I’ll actually be able to finish this one. I’ve got two main problems with it.
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Way too much text and not enough choice. I’ll read through a hundred pages of the main character doing things and going on adventures without any input. If the character is going to do something, let the player decide to do it. The player should inhabit the main character; don’t tell us what he does, we should get to do that. Right now it’s not like playing a game, it’s reading about the misadventures of an overly horny idiot.
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You need to rework the viewpoint for this story. Right now it’s a total train wreck. The narrator, main character’s thoughts, and main character’s speech all blend together without any differentiation. I see other people picking up on this too. It is so difficult to read it’s driving me crazy. I can’t tell if it’s the narrator or character, or if they’re the same person, but whoever they are has a bonkers-ass tone through the whole thing. In a scary situation, the whoever voice is snarking away where theoretically the protagonist shouldn’t be so flippant. Is that the protagonist’s voice? Is he/she insane? what is going on i can’t tell what anything is am i going craz
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@MultipleChoice I am a woman and i very angry with the sexism of two first choices so i stop reading the demo. Could you please put a less machist words in them?please
@Samuel_H_Young - The number of choices decreases because the first part is about adjusting and modifying your stats, while the second half is putting them into action. Once it does the timeskip to working with Gundrik I don’t think it is actually possible to raise/lower your stats aside from Renown. Kind of disappointing.
@poison_mara - While I haven’t played as a female, I do have my own problems with that section. It is unconnected to the rest of the game, and I was fully expecting us to return to it at some point and have to fight the dragon, but it is never mentioned. It feels like a really clumsy attempt to get your gender/orientation out of the way.
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@Sylfaen
Ah, I see.
Yes I was rather confused when the game never actually caught up to the point where it started.
@Rae, shush, yes!
Devon, you would consider doing an update to at least make the narration/thinking/speaking clearer? Like, for example, this is an instance where mind reading is the only explanation:
Acting like a servant wouldn’t be easy; there are customs and gestures she’d have to master to-
“I know 'em.”
Beef marrow fritters o_o? Seriously…?
I didn’t see this mentioned so forgive me if I’m stating the obvious. The trial three chapter version on the Hosted Games page lists the purchasing price as $1.99. I bought it for the full listed price for my Kindle anyway, story was very gripping and I wanted to see how it ended, but wanted to point this out to curb confusion.
Thanks for a great story.
Okay, I just finished. I have to say that the twist at the end was very surprising and cool, so I enjoyed that (especially the tweaked beginning-end.) I still felt that much of the commentary was barbaric, though, and everything else I mentioned still stands. But again, really creative twist, and I applaud you for that.
SPOILERS
I loved the game and oh god the tears at the Patch scene…but im kinda angry at Bregan. Why did he slap my mc all of a sudden I thought they were friends. Did I miss something? 
and why did Silvanus have to kill your family? I dont see how that would help to be honest. So confused
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Hi!!! (sorry for the enthusiasm…its my first post)
But yeah, long time lurker who just remembered her account details…so I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed playing fatehaven! It was just a really good/fun thing to do, and um… I’m looking forward to what you do next! (that is if you do make another one…no pressure)
So…what happened to that dragon?
I hope it die fast bue, I just let the game after 2 first choices. Forcing me and using my breasts! he [the dragon] is a sexist rapist shit!!. This game is a +18 period is terribly labeled. First page machism second partial force sexual foreplay for choosing player gender. X(
@Samuel_H_Young It got out of the castle and married a donkey who was friends with some giant green guy
@poison_mara I don’t think he was deliberately trying to force “sexual foreplay” with the gender choice. I don’t know about women, but when I get hit hard in the chest with something, it hurts. It was just a comical way of allowing the player to choose gender. Would you rather have him put “It felt like I got kicked in the vag”?
Anyway, all in all, the game was alright. I just wished that the choices had a more profound effect on the gameplay. When I buy a CoG or HG, I have to think about the choices I make, because at any point, I can screw up and end up as a corpse in a dungeon. With this, I just feel like I’m reading another book (nothing wrong with that. Currently reading Song of Fire and Ice series).
As a final rating, I give it a 6/10, because the story itself was interesting to me, especially the continuous looping. The lack of game altering choices is what kind of killed it for me.
But like you said, this was your first game and is a learning experience. I hope to see more from you in the future
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Bought this when it came out and played it for a bit but held off until now before writing my thoughts.
I noticed a few minor typos around the place but I don’t usually care much about those, I didn’t encounter any bugs which is always a big plus.
I’m usually a proponent of ‘more choice, less endless text’ but I found that the story kept me very much interested. That said, the choices that were present didn’t feel particularly engaging. The first third of the game really just feels like a class selection questionnaire where you juggle choices around to get the statline you want. While the rest of the game’s choices basically boiled down to a game of ‘match the choice with your stats for a bonus point’ with occasional breaks in the story for a special round of stat checks for additional bonus points. At the end of the story I never really felt like there was any weight to anything I had done during the game besides who, if anybody, I had romanced and whether I had gained lots of corruption or not.
Speaking of corruption, while the idea of it seems nice (gain power at the expense of corruption), there are only a few times in the entire game where you actually get a choice that affects it and as a result the changes in corruption are large jumps rather than a gradual decline as might be expected so the entire thing feels rather pointless. You gain little bits of corruption for killing in self defense in the early game but then the next time you’re faced with it is a choice to either mash an unconscious person’s face in or spare them, and even this choice is meaningless because you can’t do it either way.
I really felt like the idea of the elemental affinity wasn’t used very well. After you finish your stat questionnaire at the start you get given an element and then you’re teased with the idea that you have all these neat element-specific powers but at the end all that I could notice changing were a few lines here and there.
A rather glaring issue is that we’re told both during a training session with our mentor and at the end of the game that water mages can heal wounds, presumably rather serious ones since we can fix up a mangled leg without much trouble, but that ability is noticably missing during all other parts of the game that I could see. We can’t heal ourselves during or after the battle with the orc disciple in our village, nor can we heal Patch when he/she is wounded. In fact, after getting told we can heal things as a water mage we don’t even appear to attempt it for the rest of the game until the very end.
Finally, I really disliked the ending. Not enough to spoil the rest of the story for me, but enough that I have to mention it here.
Despite my issues with the game I still found myself enjoying it quite a lot. It’s still an entertaining story and I’ve gotten more than my money’s worth out of it already.
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The choices were scarce and there is sometimes a problem with which one are mc’s thoughts and which ones are words, and the beginning is quite bad to say the least adn very anticlimatic compared to the rest of the story.
But that out of the way i want to say that the story was amazing. I really enjoyed it, it was very deep, the transition from “you” to “i” was very interesting idea, i was very moved by some of the scenes and i really liked the Patch’s route.
Overall, game have some flaws but is one of the better i played.
@poison_mara i totally agree with you about the beginning, i was taken aback by it and havent got much hopes for the rest after it, but was pleasantly surpised as the story grows. I think you could give the rest of the game a chance, it is really very different than beggining.
Not really…to me, it felt like the glorification of animal abuse was the central theme.