Fables: Part I V.0.06 [42k Words, 8/4/17] *Abandoned*

He’s the one that says “what do we say to the god of death? Not today.”

And I saw the line “What do we say to getting hit? Not today.”


A’righty, reporting some… bug? error? I’m not sure what should I call it, sir.

As you might know, my name is Alex O’Shea, but the game insisted that my surname is Zheng. Thus, Alex Zheng. I’m not Mr. Zheng. I’m Alex O’Shea.


Now, back on to the topic. And whoa!

That’s a… that’s a big world you have here. You’re practically done with the worldbuilding. How long does it take to develop this alternate Earth?

I like that at least you’ve the plot of your story… plotted out. And the setting of the story is already set up.
This way, you can work on your WIP on pretty fast pace (aside from the coding, ofc).

But as developed as your world is, your intro is also kinda feel… overwhelming.

This is what I feel when doing my first run of your prologue.

  1. Who are the Sentients?
  2. Who are the Scions?
  3. Is SODA is something like “mercenary guild” in medieval-fantaasy setting?

And that list should goes on, but I’ll stop for now. I need to let my brain digest these items
:exploding_head: :brain: :boom:

That was my first impression. It is… overwhelming.
(And TBH, I feel like… my head suddenly weighs a ton) :laughing:

Edit: About the image

Try using the command *image [image name here.jpg] :ballot_box_with_check: instead of giving the command a specific directory path *image /image/[imagename here.jpg] :x:


As far as I can tell, the MC’s race doesn’t seem to have that much of an impact on the story. This is most noticeable here:

A fera supremacy Mafia, who has a particular hatred for humans.

I’m not a human! I’m a nephilim! Do I not know that yet? Actually, this got me checking the code, and I noticed that the

:star:I feel scared. I feel confused. I feel angry. I- I- won’t let this happen.

choice has some errors under it: all of the *goto saviortnr lines are aligned with the main text, not the *if text, so only a shifter will get their species text.

“5… 4… 3…”

They’re counting down, counting down for you both to run.

“2… 1…”


Why not just run right away? :confused:

As for your questions:

• Should companions’ appearance should be explicitly described or mostly left to the reader’s imagination?

No problem with this, although it does feel as though the MC’s appearance is far less impressive (even when he’s black but with blond hair and green eyes…)

• Opinions on the character creator, is it too long? Too much? Should it be put later in the game?

Level of detail is fine. However, the fact that the character creation choices are interspersed inside an unrelated dream seems a little weird to me. :confused: I can understand wanting to get some text between them, but it breaks the flow, and feels unnatural to me.

• Opinions on choices given, is it not enough? Or not the choices you want to make?
• Is everything just too wordy?
• Are the MC backgrounds as detailed as you like? Or too detailed?

All seem fine to me.

• What kind of monsters would you like to see/fight? I have about 20+ monster fights I’m planning, but if you think of something that I might’ve skipped I’ll consider putting it in, because who doesn’t like fighting things that are 15x your size? :'D

Whatever you can fit into your story. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: I would like to enquire exactly how you’re planning to handle fights that the MC loses, though.


This body starts to feel numb from the frosty air, but I can still feel the burn of it overextending its’ limits.

No apostrophe in the possessive “its”. (Also saw this typo in several other places.)

Before you can respond to the voice the beast charges forward ever closer to you, its’ mouth gaping wide open%-

Another “its”, but also an unnecessary “%”.

A patrol down the street has a wolfion in their squad and your glad that they already passed this side

Should be “you’re”.

I don’t think I can out run their glideboards and I definitely can’t out run those hovercycles.

Should be “outrun”.

  • “I’m MC, it’s nice to meet you two.” I hear Aquila mirror my response.
  • “I’m MC, and this is Aquila.”
  • “It’s nice to meet you two.” Aquila seems to follow my lead in not mentioning their name.
  • I don’t say anything. Aquila must have noticed they’re deserters too and doesn’t say anything either.

These choices should have quotation marks (as I added to the quote above).


There needs to be more incorporation of lore and information into the main story. I don’t know if the MC is a winged Dragon or angle looking creature in the beginning. I don’t know a whole lot about the different fractions (but, I am young so some of that is understandable). The stats screen is for supplemental info or reminding the player of important info that was revealed in game.

You need more character description when dealing with non-human beings. I know what a human looks like. If I’m a werewolf, am I always in wolf form( and look like a large fluffy lavender chow chow puppy that I imagine my MC to be) or do I look like a normal human until the full moon. Does the nephilium have wings or any unique characteristics? Do any creatures have horns?

Look at the Choice of the Dragon character creation and do mythical race specific features like that instead of just skin and hair color. It can be tedius to have to go through a long character creator just to replay one part of the game, so having a choice for a simpler character creator with just name, gender and mythical race or a save system would be nice.


no dragon shout???
what!? i mean cmooooon!!!

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I went to the encyclopedia to read “more info” on an unlocked entry, clicked the “Return to Game” button at the top and nothing happened.

I appreciate the offer, but this is a story I would like to write on my own. :grinning:

I fixed the issue, thanks for the catch!

Sorry about that, I went off the geography of where the MC is currently at. Harborage is located around Nevada and Colorado in the U.S. and the average height is about what I specified, but if you think that will be really grating for you and other readers, I will definitely consider rewriting that bit.

Silly me! I was just thinking of putting in a GoT reference and decided to use one of my favorite lines, I couldn’t remember who said it though. Good catch! I’m glad you recognized it and knew who it was.

My bad on coding right there, I remember I wanted to add more inclusive last names and didn’t properly change them all. I fixed it now. I also tried that command for the images and it works, thanks!

It took about 75-80 years after the third World War for everyone to get back on their feet again, rebuilding and all. Then over the next centuries technology advanced and magic became a daily part of life. In this world, everyone sort of had magic but didn’t ‘unlock’ or figure it out until after the third World War.

I was on the fence about adding that first part in, that was there because the history lesson at the beginning was much longer and I wanted to cut it down. There weren’t choices in the beginning and I didn’t want the reader to just be droned at for a few pages. I think I’m going to actually take that first part out since it doesn’t really become relevant until later.

SODA is a military school, I’ll go back and try to explain that more. I’ll also try that command out when I get the chance.

I will need to go through the whole story again and do some cutting, and moving certain information. I think my issue with the overwhelming part is that my head is stuck in the idea that the reader knows as much as me. Thank you for your feedback!

The MC doesn’t find out that they are not human (if the reader chooses a race other than human) until the next chapter, but I do need to change that part with the Mafia. Cambion, nephilim, and shifter MCs have a moment where their powers show, and vampire and werewolf MCs actually get turned into one. When I was doing my own playtesting I had it in mind that the mc was human and need to get out of that mindset, but I do want to make the MC’s race important.

Thanks for that alignment catch! And that part with the count down was to add tension, but I can see what you mean. I mean, they’re getting kidnapped, pretty sure that’s tension enough.

If you’re talking about the summary of the MC’s appearance at the end of the character creator, that was to make sure that everything was right- but there will be times that the MC definitely out-shines everyone else. Since Unless you feel that something different should be there?

Actually, the majority of the fights are life and death situations so… there’s a death screen with ‘game over’ and everything :'D I suppose I could add a flee option, it’ll be just like that one scene from Monty Python’s Holy Grail where they run away from that killer rabbit. :joy:

I’ve went ahead and fixed those typos as well, thanks for catching them!

I’m taking that part out at the beginning, I realize now that it has no place being there. For this game, the stats screen is pretty important and plays a big part in helping the player out in situations. Otherwise one would be playing blind and that isn’t really recommended…

I misunderstood before, I will definitely include a physical description in. I am also planning to put in the save system soon.

Haha, unfortunately not. You can always headcanon your MC does dragon shouts though. :wink:

That’s strange, I’m not exactly sure how to fix that. Has it happened again? What browser do you use?

I’ve updated the game with all these bug fixes and typos, the image problem has been fixed as well. Next update is going to add in those descriptions on races and some rewrites on all the information given. As before, thanks for the feeback guys!


Actually, the Fables comics are based off of Aesop’s fables and other folk traditions from around the globe. The point is that something with that name and exact content is infringing intellectual and copyright property, no matter how you rebrand it. Wouldn’t it be much better to make something original, or even just taking the things that inspire you into something unconstrained by the original author’s imaginings?. Believe me, I know what it’s like to have a grand idea and find out that without prior exposure, someone else has written it out in loving detail and also making royalties from it. :wink:

Hi there!

This is a really great start so far! Ambitious but really well executed. Well done!! Perhaps one point would be more self awareness in the dragon(?) Scene at the start. Im sure its a little foreshadowing but as of now i feel the transition is a little abrupt, but thats just my humble opinion. I also picked out a couple of typos/stylistic choices. Will dm you the scrn shots!

Looking forward to more updates from you. All the best!!!

Really? I never read them, I looked over them once but now I am more interested in reading them.

I never meant to rebrand the series, the series was never in mind when I was making this game. I think I’m not explaining the game correctly, which is where I believe this misunderstanding is. I’m only going off of the knowledge of the series I know from the game The Wolf Among Us, but this game that I’m writing has a large sci-fi element in it. Fairytales and all those other fables are not in the story, just supernatural creatures, and mythical creatures. I don’t believe folklore from around the world is copyright. The name Fables I used because I wanted to add quotes from Aesop’s Fables at the beginning of each chapter, as a sort of literary thing. Also because it sounded cool to me at the time.

Also, (spoiler for next book to anyone else reading) The second book has the MC and co. jumping through different dimensions to stop the big baddies, because they’re using this restricted kind of magic to take over and stuff. I’m remaining vague since I don’t want to give too much away in public. Unless Bill Willingham’s Fables has that, I don’t think they are the same. :slight_smile:

Still, I appreciate that you brought this up. It makes me aware to be careful and clear when explaining things in the future.


Could you have it in a school lesson? :thinking: Then the MC could choose to listen (and be bored) or to go back to daydreaming…

Yeah, I guessed that after I’d written that bit. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: I guess it would make sense to clarify that they still think they’re only human.

I guess it was more the way the MC describes Aquila’s appearance, while their own is never implied to be that special. :thinking:

I was more talking about what happens after that. Do you get to return to a checkpoint before the battle? Ordinary video games are fun even if you die because (usually) you can reload from your last save. CoG doesn’t have that (well, the released games; some WIPs do), so if you die without a checkpoint, it’s game over and you have to start again from the beginning, which isn’t fun.

I don’t really know copyright law, but if they’re both based on the works of an ancient Greek, would that be as much of a problem?


I apologize for my excessive ‘thank yous’, I just don’t know any other words to express my gratitude for the feedback, it really does help.

I got your dm, thanks for pointing those out. The scene at the start was foreshadowing, but I don’t think it was placed well. I’m looking back over my outlines to figure a good spot to place it, I’m thinking that I might do away with it entirely since the context of it may be confusing.

That’s a good idea actually, daydreaming during class, why didn’t I think of that? I am going to go back and add special text for non-human MCs and cut down on Aquila’s appearance, it’s not that special. And yes, there is a checkpoint system I have in mind that I want to test out. I plan to have it done for the next big update. :grinning:


There’s no law that I know of that says things can’t be based off Ancient Greek works. Then again this is just what I know. Better to check and make sure so you don’t get in trouble with the law @Chancen

Hey, I’m kinda new here but your W.I.P is one of the first I’ve found so far, and I’m really intrigued. The backgrounds remind me of Dragon Age:Origins -one of my favourite games ever!- so I wish you luck with your project. However, when I was playing the street rat origin story a bug appeared when I tried running towards the flashing lights near my home… Sorry if this has already been spotted

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Got to know, who is Atlas? :thinking:

You can meet her at the library.

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prologue line 2758: Non-existant variable “bckgrnd_fam_mid”

I also noticed that saved games just have you start back at the prologue.

It’s also weird that a vampire MC can wonder whether all vampires have lisps when Ranger talks to them afterwards.

What @Chancen said about it.

Excellent news. Now excuse me while I spend an hour to make sure the settings are optimal.

Gamma: Maximum
Volume: Maximumer
Subtitles: Off
Difficulty: Warden aka Maximumest
Warnings: Off

kan u spil mlg? kuz i iz l33t g@m3r nao

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Pretty interesting, liking what I’ve read. Enjoying the fact that I can choose what species I am.