Cursed Eyes (WIP) [Demo - January 24 - 2017]


#1

Hello and good morning/day/afternoon/night. Depends on when you read this. First I want to thank you for taking the time to read this. First a little introduction of myself so you get a picture of what kind of person I am. Also, the name of the project may change. Not too fond of the name but it was the first that came to my mind.

TLDR: "I like writing and I like ChoiceScript-Games (CSG). That's why I gonna make my own!"

Long Explanation

I am not completely new to writing a story and programming. Also what should be obvious I am no stranger to CSG. But this will be my very first attempt to create my own CSG. I also like to apologize in advance if updates/new content is sometimes a bit... messy. I will mostly find time to write on this late at night - like the creation of this topic - so if there are a lot of mistakes in the text, blame it on my half asleep brain that thinks everything looks good and fine. I may find/ask other people to read the gibberish I produced beforehand but if that is not the case: jump one sentence back. As for my motivation, there is no grand enlightenment on a story that no one has ever seen before. It is just me who really enjoys these kinds of games and want to try to create one myself. And the hope of a smile on my and the readers face when they enjoy my work. So without further ado let me introduce you to my idea:

TLDR: Fantasy | Gods | Spirits | Special Eyes | Martial Arts | Discrimination | Playable Demo 1.1.17 |

Long Explanation

The story will be set in a world where the four elements (fire/water/wind/earth) are mighty beings which have created it. But they were unable to create life with purpose. That is when the twins Order and Chaos appeared and offered the elements a deal and help them with their creation of life. They would give them purpose but these beings would struggle their entire life in a battle of wits between the twins. Not seeing the grand scheme of the two they accepted and only later realizing that now all their children would be playthings of the twins.

They were dethroned as the gods and just became the ruler of their lands, not their other creations. Because the elements still wanted to be connected to their children they planted a seed in every of their children which would bond them together. So if their children would nourish this bond the elements would give them a portion of their power. They called it spiritbonding and over the centuries their children would start to call them the Spirits. Some creation were connected just to one Spirit, many to multiple and a few to all of them. One of these few special beings are humans. And in rare cases, a being connected to all four Spirits will be blessed with their love.

In the case of humans, their eyes iris will be constantly changing colors and they will be able to see the flow of force. Force is the manifestation of the powers given by the spirits. A human that is loved by the Spirits will be able to see how other creatures use powers of the Spirits with their amassed knowledge by spiritbounding. Hence a blessed being will be able to easily copy them with some exceptions and restrictions. Obviously, if a dragon breaths fire a human can't do that. Their body's don't provide the base. But they can imitate it by using force. So a human that studied dragons long enough and trained to endure flames in their mouths could get an answer by the Spirits. If a blessed one would try to copy this kind of technique he would probably burn his mouth to a state that would need special healing or he would die.

In this world you will be one of these rare few humans which is blessed by the Spirits. But humanity sees your eyes or more particularly your sight as a curse. Because of other blessed ones that lifed before you were born. Most of them became monsters. Able to see force is the equivalent of an answer sheet. You only have to watch someone using their technique which they spent months, years or even decades creating and you get the hang of it in a few seconds. Probably you still will need some training to recreated perfectly but that may just take some weeks. Hence the former blessed ones absorbed - or how others would say stole - every technique they could set their eyes on. Most of them became obsessed finding new things to learn and demonstrating their power. And with power came corruption. A century ago the last blessed one was finally defeated after he ravaged the lands with war and named himself the ruler of humanity. Since then a law enacted which said that every child born with the blessing of Spirits will be blinded by their coming of age ceremony.

So with that, I hope I have given you a first (good) impression of my idea and I got you interested. "If" you find any errors please feel free to roast... I mean correct me per PM I would appreciate it. If you have any questions also feel free to ask. Because one of my new year resolutions is to finish this project and release new content for it every 1-2 months. So with that, I wish you a good day/night. Again... depends on when you read this.

Content Warning/Disclaimer

This interactive adventure can lead to some gruesome events. This piece of fiction was not written for children. The story contains mature themes along with scenes which can be disturbing for some and especially younger people. Mature themes include references to alcohol, drugs, excessive violence, violence against children, discrimination, mental health issues and mild suggestive content. Thus, it is not recommended for young readers. Reader discretion is strongly advised. Proceed with caution!

Link to the Demo [01/24/17] : https://dashingdon.com/play/chibahateme/cursed-eyes-/mygame/

The "Nothing New" achievement: This achievement will be granted when you chose a path that had no (major) changes in the new update.


#2

Looking forward to it! And don't worry about it being messy. The default sibling gender in mine is male so I just left the sister as a guy in all my recent updates :sweat_smile:


#3

cant wait :slight_smile: sounds really good.


#4

The premise of it sounds interesting. It'll be interesting where it goes. I do love me some forbidden power struggle :stuck_out_tongue:


#5

Short Update: I really love/hate Chronicler!!!

I thought I maybe could enhance my speed and overall structure of programming and I found this lovely thing in the forum called Chronicler. I played with it a bit only to realise I had overwritten my former files and now a bunch of text got lost. That's just my luck. But don't worry. A cup of hot chocolate and a few hours will bring me back on track. Maybe if I keep up this speed I will upload the first on 24th Dec... just before I wanted to press the "Reply"-Button the spoon of my chocolate hit me in the eye... just not my day I guess.

For everybody that liked this topic and especially those three of you who replied: "Thank you for the interest and trust! Have a nice weekend." :grin:


#6

The story sounds great I'm looking foforwardrward to the demo!


#7

This idea sounds awesome, can't wait for the demo.


#8

Great idea and I hope to see it flourish.


#9

First Content Update: Demo aviable!

Hello guys and first of all I am sorry for being late on the first upload. But I had some health issues around christmas which lost me some time. But now I am back in business and have the first playable demo for you! I really would like to present it in a suit and a presentation but I guess a post will do just fine.

It is pretty short and I reckon it will take fast readers maybe 5-7min to get through. Maybe you are even faster. I am a pretty slow reader. The demo has some choices and already a part where the story splits a bit. However it is better if you find out yourself. Fell free to correct my grammar because I am sure most of it is gibberish. But do so by private message. So we don’t spam the thread full with my obvious mistakes. :sweat:

So with no further ado here it is: https://dashingdon.com/play/chibahateme/cursed-eyes-/mygame/
For the next updates I won’t post the link again but I thought it would be nice to have the link right here too since it’s the first time.

With all that said I wish you a nice day/good night depending on when you read this~


#10

On page two of story. I shan’t go in to detail as requested but I’d suggest using something like grammarly, ms word or libre office writer on the story text to fix grammar, sentence flow, typos and atomic typos (atomic typos are where you spelled the word correctly but used the entirely wrong word).


#11

Man, one word, EPIC.
Combines all genres I love. Reminds me of Avatar: The last Airbender and Legend of Korra. Looking forward to it.


#12

Made some adjustments with the tools you recommended. I hope it is better now. And you still can send me a PM if you find a major mistake. I am sorry if my level of skill ruined the experience for you. :sweat:


#13

Seem good so far can’t wait for more


#14

Seems like an awesome game so far can’t wait for more. :smile:


#15

New to the forum, finding my legs by trying out some of the lesser-seen WIPs. I played through yours twice and took notes while I did so, so here they are:

  • I really like this intro; I was worried such a lore-intensive background would end up as a wall of text, but it
    ends up being really descriptive, e.g. “dragons and fairies roam the green plains”

  • Having mostly played the Choice Of and Hosted games, the use of “I” here rather than “you” was somewhat surprising (but I quickly got used to it)

  • I’ve never been able to choose my handedness before! I like it :slight_smile:

  • In the “stay awake” branch of the story, I didn’t get to pick a name.

  • I liked the wide branching of staying awake vs falling asleep, but there’s some important background information in one that’s not in the other (the ‘stay awake’ branch informs the player that their father left them, but while the ‘fall asleep’ branch features the father, it doesn’t mention this fact).

Finally, a word on the writing itself. Your English is much better than my French, but it’s still recognizably not your first language. For a project this big, having someone give you corrections via PM is not likely to be able to cover the whole thing. You might want to partner with a native English speaker, if possible. The universe you’ve created is really neat and I’m enjoying it so far :slight_smile:


#16

Yeah. If it’s possible I really have to get a partner whose native language is English. :sweat_smile:

About the missing information and being unable to pick a name:
I “promised” a playable demo on the first of January and was already late. So I just finished to a point where I thought the amount of text was sufficient to be called a demo. With the next update, you can choose a name and get the information in the other path. I thought it would be a bit awkward to have a string of thoughts about your father while you have a conversation with someone.


#17

I just finished content for one of the paths (Stranger) and looked at the amount of words (3~4k). So I thought maybe I should upload this part and you can enjoy it. But I originally planned to upload a new version when all paths come together again. So what I want to ask you is this:

  • Update every time a certain amount of text is written.
  • Update when the story reaches a certain point.

0 voters

Thanks again for the support. :grin:


#18

Personally I prefer to see updates when there’s enough content to justify it.

I know how hard it is to wait as I’m not a very patient person myself and I know some people prefer something in shorter bursts than nothing at all for a long period of time… but its also kind of a bummer to get all excited about it and then realize its only 1-5k extra words. You can read that in like, what, 15 minutes? Its also annoying when you want to go down a specific path and can’t because it hasn’t been worked yet but the alternative has.


#19

Yes, that is the reason I was asking.

It’s only for one path and I even think it will only take around 4-5 minutes to read since the part splits again in some smaller paths that already reunite. However, that means you won’t be able to read all the new lines in one go. Hence you would have to play to a certain point over and over again just to get a bit more content.


#20

Update when you feel comfortable with the amount you have available.