Well, I haven’t finished Totem Force yet, but I wanted to get down some of my ideas for my next piece, so here they are. The story is set in a superhero-style world, one in which the main concern of the superpowered is to ensure that their adventures reach the pages of comic-books, and saving the world is often secondary. It is this world that the MC wakes up in.
I’ll probably add a more thorough description when I’ve actually written a bit more (it’s about 5000 words currently). This may not happen soon, as I’m trying to concentrate on Totem Force for now.
In addition to typos/bugs/stupid plot holes, please let me know of any superhero cliches you think ought to be referenced.
Warning: Contains mature language and strong violence.
The demo is here: Countdown. Note: it starts off quite plot-heavy and choice-light, and the first character introduced is not the MC.
EDIT 2021: Unfortunately, I have no plans to revive this as a ChoiceScript project. While I certainly would love to continue the story, it would have to be as non-interactive fiction. That said, I will definitely be leaving the demo up for the foreseeable future.
Solitaire slipped through the darkening night, the distant sounds of thunder in her ears. She wondered vaguely who it was. Jupiter, maybe, prancing around some pretty young lady, or man, putting on a bit show in a fight he could sleepwalk through. Or perhaps BlackLightning, back for revenge after her last ignoble defeat. Maybe it was even the kid, blowing off some steam. Or maybe it was actual thunder she was hearing, although she considered that highly unlikely.
Black Lightning
Of that she was no longer sure. Even when she had had her powers, they had never been able to directly help her. She had correctly guessed the winning lotter numbers for several weeks running, all with the knowledge that if she ever bought a ticket, the government would be on her in minutes. They had saved her life, she guessed, when an entire drug dealer’s army had had their guns jam at once. On two separate occasions. But… what if it wasn’t a power? What if she had just been unnaturally lucky on those specific occasions? After all, it wasn’t like her powers had let her keep a boyfriend for more than a month. And they hadn’t stopped her father’s cancer.
lottery
She recognised him immediately: the Bittern. An Indy. One of the superpersons who didn’t work for either Wondrous or AC; indeed, he was probably the most famous Indy (along with his friendly rival Super-Heron) outside of Spectrum64. Solitaire wasn’t a big fan of Indies. They generally had independent means (hence the name), and she always got the feeling that they treated the whole superperson thing as a hobby, rather than actual work. Seriously, he was fighting a street gang in a darkened alley. A man who had saved the world at least three times (according to rumour) was still fighting thugs in alleys. Didn’t he have better things to do, like save it a fourth time?
superpersons just looks wrong… super-people please
Héctor’s lab had a rather high level of security outside it. Barbed wire, razor wire, laser wire, robotic attack dogs, robotic defence dogs, flying mines, and many other deadly creations. To gain access, one had to type in a 250 digit passcode, changed daily, without making a single mistake. Solitaire, of course, guessed it correctly, just like she had all the times before. Admittedly, she was on the list of accepted guests, so she could have just pressed the buzzer and asked to be let in, but this way, at least, she got to remind herself that she did have powers.
defense
Does the Uk just use less Z’s? Poor Z.
All you can remember is pain. Darkness and pain. And…
Did you mean to use 4 periods?
You slowly push youself to your feet, and try to work out exactly where you are. Well, you’re in an alleyway is where you are. Where the alleyway is still remains to be determined. Although it’s not like you’d actually be able to do anything with the knowledge. Even if you know where you are, you have no idea where you’re supposed to be. Or what you’re supposed to be doing. Or even if you’re supposed to be anywhere or do anything at all.
The idea was to never actually use the superh— word. (I mean, it’s copyright, isn’t it? ) Also, what world’s vernacular language are you basing your statement on?
is it the one you posted before ? oh thanks, that is not the MC , well… i will not worried about RO for your story, coz im pretty sure you will add some cute girl for lizzy moooreeee cute guys~ and dont forget poly option as well~
Despite not being a huge fan of comic books or superheros, I really enjoyed this! I noticed a few typos, but nothing too major.
But she still enjoyed fantasising about what her new suit would look like. Mainly black, she though, but with a little yellow.
Change to fantasizing, also; thought?
All that said, maybe there was just a little too much information at the very beginning in regards to Solitaire’s story? I know you said this is meant to be very plot-heavy and maybe that’s how you want to keep it, but imo I think it might be better to space it out a bit more in some way, if that’s possible. Just so players can really absorb everything you want us to know. I know by the time I was in MC’s (comic?) body, I basically already forgot everything from the first page… but maybe I’m just a dummy. I look forward to reading more, though!
Again with the Ameri-spelling… (But, yes, “though” was a typo.)
Yeah, I get that the prologue is a little dense (I could probably cut it down a bit). But it’s not really so much supposed to tell you anything about the plot as it is to give you a feel for the world.
Hmm… I could split it up over the first chapter, but I get the feeling it would be just as confusing, and even easier to forget.
I’m going to be contrarian here - Your instinct here is actually a good one. It will take a bit more later to meet some expectations of the community but I honestly think while refinement can be done the core idea is a good one.
Grr… so I’m going to see a lot of BlackLightning, DarkStalker, UltraBoys, SideKick1, SideKick2,GenericMan, WeaknessMan, AwesomePowerlessGuy, and similar names?
I dont think so @Dark_Stalker my totem force mc GoldFire will stop you no matter what game your evil finds its way into. And should they fail to get here then my already named logan aka bluestar will use high powered flashlights because so far unlike GoldFire bluestar doesn’t have light powers just blue fire
In all seriousness, I don’t usually plan on doing things “typically considered morally reprehensible by most of the world’s population” it just happens, I do good if I think it’ll help me or the evil choice is just for no reason. Unfortunately a lot of games wind up rewarding good more.
, well… i will not worried about RO for your story, coz im pretty sure you will add 
and dont forget poly option as well~ 
I look forward to reading more, though!
all hail 
… Sorry i didn’t know. What ftfy mean
