You just made my day! YES! Me first! 
Also, I did promise if you update I’ll look at all them annoying stuff 
found: Undressing my pajamas (Don’t you mean removing?)
found: My heart is going insane, it feels like it is about to explain (explain= explode)
found: I shoot a quickly glance only for the it to wrap around my throat. ( quickly = a quick, for the it = for it?)
found: it clawing at everything on the inside (it claw at everything inside of me)
found: Walking straight to the fridge, I freeze in spot as I open it. (in the spot or I suddenly freeze as I open it)
found: Pouring in everything I grab a chair and sit down at the kitchen (kitchen table)
found: “You lot have been active a lot today,” I remark as I address the the tall man (remove one the)
found:
It doesn’t get easier to live with, but I am managing (This is a choice you can pick, I suggest to change it depend on what you mean:
if it’s your condition then it can become: it doesn’t get easier to live with it (it being your condition). OR it doesn’t get easier to live with them (the weirdo stalking you lol).
found: I stare at the palm in my hands twisting it around to see pale skin, feint traces of what appears to black veins (to be black veins)
found: Opening the closet door, I stare myself in the eye (could be changed to: I stare at my eyes)
found:I flash myself a smile as I continue to inspect myself. (myself feel redundant, you can replace it with reflection)
found: it is rather hard to tell what the color of my eyes are. (can be changed to: it is rather hard to tell what is the color of my eyes)
found:
Twisting her head slowly, the mouth opens as words leave, “The black heart.”
( odd phrasing not that I’m an expert, but you can say: Twisting her head slowly, she open her mouth and whisper, ‘‘The black heart.’’
found: “Black heart?” I mutter to myself, twisting my lips to the side I only shake my head (You can say ''I mutter to myself, grimacing and shake my head)
found: My… condition has this neat little thing where it looks the fabric of reality is constantly tearing itself apart. ( My…condition give me this neat little ability to see that the fabric of reality is constantly tearing itself apart.)
found:With my gaze locked onto it, in the darkness something peeks through. An eye whose veins look like they are ready to burst are locked onto my being - tracking all my movements. ( As I focus onto it, from the darkness something peeks through. It look like an eye but with veins that seem to be ready to burst and they are focused on me, tracking my movements)
found:
Swerving through the hallway I realize that I might look crazy to anyone else.
(Ignoring it, I continue through the hallway and I realize that I might look crazy to anyone else who may catch me starring into nothing) (where the eye was? wall?)
found: “I heard of it,” I state then turn to leave. (replace it by them or she or he or whatever)
found: Though the real reason is because want I avoid people because I know it can negatively affect them having me around them. ( 2 because and 2 them) ( Though the real reason I want to avoid people is because I know it can negatively affect them when I’m near them.)
found: I don’t know how or why but I’d rather not make anyone else a subject to that kind of torment. (I’d rather not subject anyone to that kind of torment.)
found: The worst of the all the possibilities is that I hallucinate and see them as monsters. (remove the)
found: I suppress my chuckle, keeping my gaze locked onto the where the creature was (remove the)
found: Climbing down the steps I spin on my heels to head left only to feet a cold touch on my skin yanking me the other way. (feet = feel)
found: I spin around to see the child has her fingers wrapped around my wrist, “The black heart… it calls to you,” then pointing off into the opposite direction. (You already spun around, change it to ‘Look down’ instead.)
found: Clenching my jaw, it lets go as it steps back. It can speak without moving its mouth, yet I can feel its touch. The coldness lingers on my wrist as if this creature… whatever it is, is real and not from my mind. (you gotta decide if all your hallucination be them taking human form ex: girl, man…etc vs monsters are an IT for all of them, or monsters are an IT and use the term girl or man for those who take human like form).( change 'from my mind = not a figment of my imagination).
found: “What is the black heart.” (? missing since you are asking a question)
found: Salvation. (could be in italic or bold: SALVATION vs SALVATION or smaller lol Salvation vs Salvation. What? I’m picky like that :P)
found: In the sky, cracks in the reality as a large eye peeks down at those below. (peeks = peeking cause it’s a peeping tom)
found: but that begs the questions doesn’t it? (but that is the question isn’t it? what if they could?)
found: Maybe I am already insane. (what if I already crossed into insanity, what if we are all insane. Is that more comforting to know I’m not alone going insane.) (Shush I love this story so much…also these are just suggestions, do what you want 
found: Shutting my eyes I shake my head - opening it to realize I have been staring at someone sitting behind their office desk. (Closing my eyes as I shake my head - re-opening them just to find out I have been staring at someone sitting behind their office desk. )
found: The crowd disperses, creating a clear path towards the orb. (They disperse, giving me a clear path to the orb.)
found: I freeze in place as I look at it (it = them, it is for object or monster. If it’s an npc, it’s always them until you say if they are male or female).
found: A woman wearing a serious expression with soft features. Her skin is milky white but it is almost out of place. (odd phrasing, let’s see: A woman wearing a serious expression even though her features seem soft. Her skin is milky white making her stand out of place.)
found: Sleek black hair resembling that of the girl that lead me here but (lead= led)
found: Its something strange about her, (there is something strange about her)
found: I shake my head, “I was lead here. I want answers.” (lead= led)
found: (EDITING ALWAYS MAKE ME HUNGRY! You owe me some chicken Wings! 
)
found: Eyes dropping to my hand and the back at the object. The air growing uncomfortable quickly, the silence is heavy. (she looks down at my hand and then back at the object. The air grows uncomfortable quickly, and the silence is thick and heavy)
found: What does she mean by any of that? I then lift my gaze, I can see the expression visibly change from the neutral stare to a more annoyed expression. Probably expecting a question. ( what does she mean by that? looking at her, I can see her expression change to an annoyed one.)
found: It could explain how unnatural is feels to be around her. (is=it)
found:
Ignoring me, she starts to speak to herself in a language. The words reaches the back of my head, scratching at my brain. Then with a sudden glare stares at me.
( Ignoring me, she starts to speak in an unknown language I never heard before. As I stand there and listen, I feel a scratching sensation in my brain. She suddenly stop and glare at me.) (Okay, it’s either scratching sensation or itchy sensation. Itchy make you wanna scratch your scalp. Scratching sensation mean you feel and hear invisible hand doing the scratching in your mind).
Taking a break to hunt for some food, be back when I’m done
Ok back, though I had to steal my chair back from my cat 
found: “The creator do you know of it?” her voice shifts to that of mimicking (hm, is the creator a he? could be changed to: have you ever heard of the Creator? OR ‘Do you know who the creator is?’)
found: I can still feel the stinging sensation in my finger tips and palm of my hand. ( I can still feel the stinging sensation on my fingertips and on the palm of my hand.)
Starting Chapter 2 snooping dun dun
found: Still in the warehouse area. (remove area)
found: Finally having time to look around, there is nothing stored in here save a few boxes that are filled with books. Then there is that pedestal screwed down into the stone at the center of the warehouse. It appears that it was made to hold that artifact. There is another door though. (How do you know there are books in the boxes?) ( Finally having a moment I decided to look around, there isn’t much stored in here save for a few boxes. Then there is the pedestal screwed down into the ground right in the middle of the warehouse. It is as if it was the only purpose the pedestal had, to hold the artifact. And finally, I can see another door but I have no idea where it leads or what is behind it.)
found: It was hard to place it but something was wrong with this ‘Sol’ and couldn’t make it out from meeting her. ( Something felt wrong with this ‘Sol’ and I couldn’t pinpoint what from just meeting her.)
found: But as I am watching her ‘communing’ with this Black Heart it is perfectly clear what makes her feel unnatural. (But as I glance back at her and watch her ‘communing’ with this Black Heart, she feels unnatural and I find myself shivering at the sight)
found: Her body is perfectly still, no sign of breathing. The expressions on her face, don’t match the tone of voice and then again it sounds like more than one person is talking at once. I am having a hard time determining what kind of Supernatural she might be. (She stands perfectly still and there is no apparent sign of breathing. The expressions on her face don’t match the tone of her voice and it really sounds like more than one person is talking at once. After observing her for a few minutes, I’m having a hard time determining what kind of Supernatural she might be.)
found:
Suddenly lifting her hands up from the orb, she shoots me a glance through the corner of her eye, “Is it normal for your kind to gawk?
(Suddenly she removes her hand from the orb and shoots me a glance, not directly facing me but from the corner of her eye, ‘‘Is it normal for your kind to gawk?’’ (YES IT IS! WE LEER AT A TRAFFIC STOP FOR PETE SAKE LOL)
found: Interrupting me before I could speak, “A interesting observation.” (A = an)
found: I am skeptical - something of that power would never find itself on Earth nor work with anyone. (something with that kind of power)
found: I’ll leave it at that until I can verify it for myself. ( I drop the subject until I gain more information on the topic.)
found: We can not be stropped (stropped=stopped)
found:
“Was making sure that we don’t have another one of her kind on her hands.”
(on her hands= our) (Okay, her hand she mean Sol? then you can say: Was making sure that we don’t have another of her kind on Sol’s hands. Though why would Sol be afraid of a demon? Unless she means another Eldritch? then you change it to : Was making sure that we don’t have another of Sol’s kind on our hand)
(I always pick Angel for a name, cause it is so fitting 
)
found: You want solutions but sitting around waiting is enabling them to grow in numbers.” (Is Sol accusing them of being lazy? if yes then you need to say that: You want solutions but all you do is sit around and wait! Meanwhile, it enables them to grow in numbers. OR ‘‘You want solutions but all you do is sit around waiting for one! Meanwhile, their numbers are growing.’’
found: Gazes locked onto Sol that grabs my by the upper arm (my=me)
found: “Whether or not you make use of her talent, I will.” (I suggest you change Talent with ability. Ability is like being able to fly. A Talent is something akin to being a prodigy. Beethoven has Talent. Especially since the mc wasn’t aware they could do that. It can become a Talent once the mc knows how they got it and how to use it efficiently later on. But up to you )
found: I pull my hand away from the object. (May wanna stick with an artifact or Blackheart.)
found: “Aren’t you a Eldritch being?” (a = an)
found: “If I didn’t, they would. Even if you are only to be used as a tool to ensure victory but without you defeat is all but certain.” (Dont you mean: if you didn’t, they would.?)
found: Crossing her arms she holds her gaze, “I will protect you with my being in exchange for your cooperation.” (she holds her gaze = who is her?)
found: “Hm,” she then nods, “I don’t give you enough credit, “Then you must be aware. If I don’t make use of you, they will. Even if you are only to be used as a tool to ensure victory but without you defeat is all but certain.” (remove the ‘’ Then)
found: She turns to me, “I have destroyed countlessly more than I will ever save. Your existence does not compare to mine. The question is moot.” (she is already observing your face which sounds odd, try observing my face = observing my reaction) ( She turns to me is also odd since she never looked elsewhere, try = Her face became impassible as she say the next words and they leave me speechless or something. I would read her tone as ‘Scoffing’ because of that last line of 'Your existence does not compare to mine. You are insignifiant in the great cosmos therefore the question is moot).
found: as if hovering in Limbo to scared to do anything. (to=too)
found: He pulls his gaze from him, returning it to me with the same glare, (He turn the glare toward me)
found: “We don’t have a choice. Doesn’t mean I have to agree with any of it.” (We may not have a choice but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with any of this.‘’)
found: We push through the door, I expected to see a small back area but I was surprised. (I expected to see a small back area like a storage area but what I saw instead left me surprised).
found: Overwhelmed by the amount of green surrounding us - I glance back to see that the door right behind is terribly out of place. (I glance back to see the door close behind us and look terribly out of place in all this nature setting.)
found: We are in a flat open field, towards the super massive buildings is a arch shaped mountain with snowy peaks. (a arch = an arch-shaped/ super massive = supermassive)
found: I follow quietly shooting my gaze around the lobby as we push through the front doors. (shooting my gaze = glancing around the lobby)
found: The outside looks perfectly normal as I expected from something styled after a mansion but inside you can tell this was never meant to be home but a base of operations. (home = a home)
found: There aren’t many decorations and everything is as plain as they could me (me = be)
found:
To the left, a large kitchen I could only see at a glance - at least this looks a bit homely but it is incredibly spacious which still gives it that feeling of being empty.
( To the left, a large kitchen I could only glance at - at least this looks a bit homely but it is incredibly spacious which gives it a feeling of emptiness.)
found: I remember her to be shorter than the rest (Hayden: I’m not short! Lol) (anyway, I remember her to be the shortest of the team)
found: Wearing a kind and heartwarming smile as he is sat down next to Hayden. (as he is sitting next to Hayden. Unless you mean he says those words while taking a spot next to Hayden? then you can change it to: Wearing a kind and heartwarming smile as he take a seat next to Hayden)
found: So far the only person that feels incredibly easy to talk to. (he is the only person that feels incredibly easy to talk to) (Showing favoritism this early? Tsk Tsk…I’m onto you! Bad author 
)
found: Eris and Hayden both glance at each other, then resting their gaze onto Sol as Eris speaks, “It is understandable for you to feel that way but you don’t have to be so negative-“ (Wasn’t Eris who was opposing dragging a human to their death? if yes, then that line would fit better with anyone else but her. You can change it to: ''It is understandable for you to feel that way but you don’t have to be wary for we will- protect you or whatever) (and she never finish that line, where you favorite romance cut in and remind Eris of taking mc against their wills).
found: “We say to Angel after keeping her here against her will.” (How can you say that after it was decided that she is here against her will) (Angel is my character, is it confusing for you?)
found: “Where there is cause there is action. I shan’t shed a single tear for the little that was slaughtered where their sacrifice spared billions. But - by all means. If you feel guilty then feel free to make sure that no harm comes to her.” (change: for the little that was slaughtered = I shan’t shed a single tear for those that were slaughtered because their sacrifice spared billions.) (Also: LOVE THE SUPPORT SOL! Now marry me! )
found: “Yet to be proven,” she counters, lifting herself, “You can help by not getting in the way and do what you came to do. I am going to have breakfast considering we have no sense of compassion towards others.” (She has so much compassion for my mc though! Nudge nudge Don’t you think? LOL)
found: I see it as an intimate gesture when you are willingly let it happen,” ( I see it as an intimate gesture when you are willing to let it happen.‘’)
found: She lifts her shoulders, “We’ll see. As much as I don’t like Sol - it never lies,” ( remove the , at the end, and she should call Sol a She, since they are all supernatural no?).
found: One shouldn’t part with your life essence so freely.” (One shouldn’t part with their life essence so easily).
found: “Eris and I do go back. I have known her for a long time and we have been friends before the treaty. We are working together because we are the only two capable of doing so.” (Eris and I go way back. We have known each other for a long time and we have been friends before the treaty. We are working together because here you can change it to something else we make a good team and I trust her to have my back.)
found: “Was just about to say that you were sliding away from the topic,” I manage a slight chuckle, flashing a small smile in response she lets it fade. (who flashes the small smile?)
found: “And not chasing you away instantly?”
found: “Man I am really starting to look like a bitch. Whatever. The warning still stands but I heard it doesn’t matter as much when you are blinded by brilliance.” (replace look like a bitch to sound like a bitch. Nobody can look like a bitch unless you are a dog lol)
found: (this is talking to Eris) I ask then ask her, “Wouldn’t it be to late?” (to=too, change it back in the choice selection and in the scene).
found: “It’s never to late to do anything. I am sorry that this needs to happen but we are pressed for options and we are running out of time,” she then pulls her gaze from me, “Just bare with it for now. Everything else will come after.” (to = too) (bare = bear)
found: “I am probably a idiot but I have my reasons.” (a idiot= an) and my reasons is wanna smooche both Hayden and Eris at the same time! so there, my secret is out! 
)
found: “We all do. I can respect that… only suicidal fools would dare stay here out of choice. I am unsure of what your reasoning may be but I hope you reach whatever it is you hope to achieve.” (We all do. I can respect that…only suicidal fools would dare stay here if they were given an alternative. I am unsure of what your reasoning maybe but I hope you find whatever it is you hope to achieve.‘’
found: (Still Eiris flirting with her) She then asks? (remove the ?)
found: She doesn’t give me a chance to answer, “Human terms,” reminding herself as she repeats her question, “You have a interest in bedding me?” a=an (and both terms are wrong for human wolfie! We say in human world: Dating darling! lol)
found: as she shoots her gaze across the field (as she gazes at the field) (Seriously, you can’t shoots your eyes out. You can shoot someone a glare, but it isn’t used every time in that manner. Often the word is ‘Gaze, stare, glance’)
found: (Doing Tarragon now)
found: “Being a idiot I guess,” he then glances away from me, “I killed some humans to enact justice and I was punished because I am not to play God,” then with a feint smile, “Now I am forced to aid humans and their fluffy companions and undead friends.” (a idiot=an).
found: “I do find the Fae a interesting people.” change this to ‘I do find the Fae interesting.’’
found: “Usually between a God- and Superiority complex,” (change it to: We sway between a God’s complex and a Superiority one.‘’
found: “But they were wiped out by Oberon a long time ago - I don’t know why I mentioned them but I could only think of them.” (He already forgot??? He mentioned them because I picked the eyes of a demon and he is the one who said it could be their dark magic Sigh )
found: “Never met one. I saw what they could do, lets just brutality is in their nature,” then saying quickly, “I hope that’s enough. I don’t want to talk about them any more than I have to.” (He never met one, so how could he have seen one be brutal? and he is the one who mentioned them.)
found: Shaking his head, “If I told Oberon that I forced a human to save the world against his will I’d still be exiled. It doesn’t take much to be kicked out of Avalon but then again even if that is the case it doesn’t matter. The past will remain unchanged.” (his will = her will)
found: He nods slowly, “I did do it for a reason - a lot might not agree with my reasoning and methods but it had to happen. I imagine if anyone saw what I saw… let’s just say that I was justified but that doesn’t excuse me from fucking up.” (many might not agree with my reasoning and methods)
found: Doing Zhuru now
found: Though we are branded with a invisible seal that keeps us from growing to strong and when they find us? They kill us.” (a invisible = an invisible/ to=too)
found: I just hate how they did it. Though it helps having a outside perspective (to have an outside perspective)
found: “To caught up wanting to get revenge - it is all I ever wanted to do. I may have the Grace of and Angel but I am still at my core Human. (and Angel= an Angel)
found: “So if anyone ever asks why I want to to wage a war against the heavens (remove one to)
found: Doing Sol now
found: maybe you know how to properly treat a ally unlike them.” (a ally= an ally)
found: “Ask your questions and then leave so that I can finish the preparations,” she turns to face me fully. ( so that I can finish preparing)
found: “Weakening the barrier between this realm and the one we are going into - this will make it easier for you to do what you are supposed to do without putting to much stress on your brain.” (to = too/ how many to I had to fix so far? Lol)
found: Starting Chapter 3- Woot!
found: I can tell she didn’t appreciate the comment as she disapprovingly shakes her at me, “Talk to Sol, she needs to fill you in.” (shake her what? head?)
found: Talking to Terragon first (found nothing beside he is a smug ass)
found: Talking to Zhuru now
found: Talking to Eris now
found: Sol next
found: “Ignore my question you insufferable creature. (should I feel bad? Cause I don’t lol)
found: Hayden is next (found nothing beside that I adore her)
found: As the thought crosses my mind, the shadowy figure that has been recently stalking me is stood close. I am trying my best to not look at him, but Sol then suddenly shoots her gaze towards it. (stood = standing)
found: Stood in a intersection we are surrounded by skyscrapers and a world without a sun. (stood = standing/ a intersection = an intersection)
found: She then walks to me as Eris growls, “Same goes for you, create a circle and keep everyone save.” (save = safe)
found: One of the Fae side next to him, she shoots me disgusted sneer, “We sent out our familiars to scout around - I’d suggest we move though we are detecting a lot of life forms surrounding this area.” (side=stand/ disgusted sneer= a disgusted sneer)
found: Tarragon then asks, “Got an answer? Doubting her and thinking that she can do anything can make him unstable.” (him=her)
found: she then looks at me, “I suppose you have a idea, Aspen?” (a idea=an idea)
found: in my vision my the black figure points towards the eye in the sky (remove the my)
found: This realm… doesn’t look as twisted as I’d have expected it to be. It is more a empty city but that can be quite a haunting realization. (a empty=an empty)
found: it looks like she is in a zombie state but the moment I do it can damage anything she is connected to to sever the connection,” (remove one to)
found: I… recall having a episode like this but not to this extent. (a episode=an episode)
found: I rub my temples as I feel a arm around me, (a arm=an arm)
found: Passing out from helping the fae
found: Hayden 1st
found: found nothing, she is perfect
found: Eris Next
found: found nada.
found: Zhuru next
found: nothing…how disappointing lol
found: Tarragon is next…
found: found nothing but his pity party and there was no cake or tea offered, boo!
(Onward to…it’s gotten worse)
found: from the cracks it looks like there was blood seeping out like a goo. (remove: the a : seeping out like goo)
found: I see Hayden covering her mouth, “This is so disgusting to witness.” (Still you can’t pay to see that kind of disgusting! I say enjoy it while it last)
found: Touching my on the shoulder she pushes me back slightly as she stops right in front of me (my what? change to my shoulder or touching me on the shoulder)
found: Brushing against my, the large Werewolf stops right infront of me, ( brushing against me/infront = in front)
found: (Hayden) the hand holding the blade is slightly shaking at presence of it coming closer and closer. (shaking in the presence of it coming closer and closer)
found: CHAPTER 4! WOOOHOOO!
found: Darci stops me, “We will stay mistress, just… we just need recover.” (need to)
found: “The Heart is shattered due to a failsafe I set in place,” she steps away from it facing the four of us with that plastered on face (with that plastered on face? what is plastered on her face?)
found: “The Heart is destroyed and unless I can find a new suitable candidate or if she doesn’t resurrect - I will go that world to kill them myself.” (I will go to that world to kill them myself)
found: Ensley sighs, “I could have protected him better-“ (him=her)
found: I then ask, “Meaning that if Angel ever were to die then it would take all of us back?” guess it was smart to do it because you could feel that it was going to kill us the moment he died. (he died? Mc? Then it’s she died)
found: CHAPTER 5
found: but if you ever meet a other Eldritch it is often a result of desire to feed a strong lust for power.” (another Eldritch/ the desire to feed)
found: “It really depends on whether we survive, but if you were to become Eldritch the Star Gates away you.” (away you= await you)
found: “That feeling knowing that you are move away from erasing their existence with the tug of a string,” she talks about so passionately, (move away= moving away/ she talk about so= she talks about it so)
found: “Stay clear from them, I was already threatened the moment the set their eyes on me.” (the set their eyes= they set their eyes)
found: Something tells me she is going to make me tell then either way. (then=them)
found: She is stood at the far window staring through it emptily (Eris/stood=stand)
found: Her arm is resting against the wall and she resting her head against her arm. (she resting= she is resting)
found: “We should have an open mind about this. Angel died and there is a lot that we should consider, what he could have gone through.” (he could have= she could have gone)
found: “You don’t have to worry so much about me, it gave a lot of insight about a lot of things and I don’t think anyone is really going to change the way the deal with me from no on.” (no on= now on/ the deal=they deal)
Okay, I think that’s about everything. The only thing missing are the romance when they visit mc in their rooms.
I’m pooped
Now I’m getting my smooche on! 
