Carebanet Girls (WIP)


#1

While working on the beta test for Magikiras, I got a little bored and decide to work on something new at the same time. Due to thematic reasons, you will be gender-locked as female for this game and I also want to try something a little more game-ish this time around.

Let me know what you think.


Finished another game and looking for Beta Testers
#2

I’m still mid way into the game and here’s a sentence that I think has a typo but I’m not sure what you were trying to write before

"You tell her that it’s before telling them that your mom is busy so you have to go back home on your own. "

“Awww…did the crowd of people make you afraid that of them?”


#3

Really great so far. Helen is too darn adorable. >< Good luck with this!


#4

Nice demo. The writing seems good, and the combat is smooth.


#5

Love the demo so far, can’t wait for the next update. Concept’s great, characters are charming, and story seems to flow nicely. Bonus points for being (I think) the first magical girl CoG. Just wondering, will there be potential love interests in the future?


#6

All four RO have been introduced in the opening chapter already.

Update August 30 2015
Uploaded a new version with the first half of Chapter 3 and the actual combat system. Might be a little complex and/or complicated though. Should I add in a tutorial?


#7

I get this error message when clicking on the demo:

:confused: I’ve never seen this before.


#8

I like how you’re using a D&D sort of stat system, this is really fun to play


#9

Minor update: I’ve added two choices so that you can pick your outfit and what color it takes and I’ve also noticed that certain stats do meet a particular threshold if picked consistently enough. So you should be able to enjoy the power of courage, the magic of friendship, the endurance of hope or IMAGINATION!

And yes, this is in fact a magical girl game. I wanted to keep the profile a little low at the start since Chapter 1 shows little signs of this until somewhere close to the end of that Chapter. This promises to be a mechanically complex game with 5 stats, 12 skills (and their separate die checks) but I am relishing that challenge. There will be four romance options, all introduced in the first chapter.


#10

Is the bully a RO (can’t remember her name)


#11

Yes. You must befriend her first (hehehe).


#12

Damn you and your evil ways (quickly Google’s how to befriend a bully)


#13

Love the demo! but I gatta ask what kind of magical girls story am I in for?

We talkin Sailor moon…or madoka?

Because if its the later I’m ganna need time to mentaly adjust.


#14

Love it and hope you are gonna have it published.

I too wonder how it’ll be… BTW, Magical Exam Student manhwa puts a interesting twist on the Magical girl/boy category.


#15

@yagamikuuno Closer to Yuuki Yuna but without the stupid parts (i hope). I will do my best to dash in a bit of Symphogear and Nanoha.


#16

So I’ve played the demo and I’ve noticed that it seems somewhat… (for lack of a better word) rushed? Of course this may very well be because it’s in it’s very early stages but I figured I’d point out some of the things that bother me:

The structure of things feels more than a bit cramped and clumped together, rather than letting what should be separate sentences and sections have breathing room, like this paragraph for example:

The areas circled in red (which if you’ll notice is comprised of the "and"s that are sprinkled liberally throughout here (and frequently throughout other parts of the game)) are places where breathing room could be achieved by adding periods and thus creating separate sentences (since the "and"s seem to mostly be there to bridge between two different subjects (and rather ineffectively I might add)). You’ll also notice that I’ve highlighted bits of the paragraph here (and in some following pictures as well) in yellow, in this case here, it’s to show that you’ve repeated what you already expressed earlier (“who shouts out” etc.) in the same sentence (“she shouts out” etc.), following the rule of “less is usually more” in writing, reiterating here only gunks down on things (though I’m more than sure this was simply an oversight). Also the sentence beginning “Hi Jamie” etc. need not be separated from the words “She makes a sign at him” since the action that Helen does (signing at Jamie) occurs (in my mind’s eye at least) within 3 seconds of her talking to Jamie, whereas Jamie groaning is a separate subject and should be separated into another sentence. Basically it would be more effective structured like so:

Another snapshot:


Again, in this case, the “and” could easily be replaced with a period and the following structure tweaked slightly so as to make it flow better.

Also in the beginning, you have 3/4 sentences in the first paragraph beginning with the word “You”. It’s generally a good idea to vary the beginnings of your sentences as much as possible (improving readability and flow) and can easily be tweaked by simply switching sentence structure, for example instead of “You get up and climb out of bed etc.”, “Getting up, you climb out of bed etc.”. Also, “You are” can be compressed to “You’re” though that’s just a minor nitpick.

Color me denser than a black hole, but what exactly did you mean by what I’ve highlighted here in this image? Because I’m lost.

Finally, on the second page, with the input text area, you may want to elaborate more on what you want a person to enter into it since I had to take a several seconds to process exactly what that input text box was for, only to eventually understand on the page following that it was for us to enter our last name.

And yes, in case anyone was wondering, I did name my character Bobo, after this.


#17

Edit October 12 2015

Updated the game so that it’s now on Chapter 6. The game is now more or less 50% done.


#18

Hey! I just wanted to say, I really enjoy your game and Magikiras too; I can’t wait to be published! :blush:
It may be a stupid quenstion,and I’m resallly sorry for bothering you, but is the game on chapter 6? Because when I play the game, it ends in chapter 2, when the MC starts training with Malik . :neutral_face:


#19

Sounds like you chose one of the bad ending options. Did you choose to join the Keepers after entering the portal into the void? Then it’s a bad ending. That part has a little bit of a teaser of the main story.


#20

Ohh sorry, my bad I’m gonna retry. :sweat_smile:
Thank you for your time and the help! (I quess it was indeed a stupid question xD) :smile: