It looks really good so far- it was well written and kept me interested! There are just a few tiny improvements that could be made, however- mostly grammar fixes and the like. I’d recommend spacing out the quotes at the start with the *line_break command so that they’re easier to read. I’ll list the grammar errors below, so you can search for them
‘tipping you’re your towards Abby when you say her name. He nods. It’s enough. “Yours?” Dan asks, looking at Abby.’
Shouldn’t be “you’re your”, I’m guessing it was meant to be “your head”.
‘You shouldn’t be stupid about them keeping nonfunctioning electronics in their packs and your being realistic, after all’
I’d also like a bit more character interaction in the game- it would also be good if the characters were fleshed out more. I feel that my character should get to know them a bit more, and find out a bit more about them. The game looks great so far though, keep up the good work!