Hi! I am somewhat new here, and have created a decent game I called “Burn(t)”, please leave some comments or constructive criticism. Its all welcome. Thanks! 
Try it out! https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/203848532/web/index.html
Ps: Its formatted more like “Paranoia” so if you are a fan of long, drawn out games, this is not one for you.
It looks really good so far- it was well written and kept me interested! There are just a few tiny improvements that could be made, however- mostly grammar fixes and the like. I’d recommend spacing out the quotes at the start with the *line_break command so that they’re easier to read. I’ll list the grammar errors below, so you can search for them
‘tipping you’re your towards Abby when you say her name. He nods. It’s enough. “Yours?” Dan asks, looking at Abby.’
Shouldn’t be “you’re your”, I’m guessing it was meant to be “your head”.
‘You shouldn’t be stupid about them keeping nonfunctioning electronics in their packs and your being realistic, after all’
I’d also like a bit more character interaction in the game- it would also be good if the characters were fleshed out more. I feel that my character should get to know them a bit more, and find out a bit more about them. The game looks great so far though, keep up the good work!
Thanks! I’ll ensure to make those changes
It’s pretty interesting, but I would suggest working on some paragraphing. I know in notepad ++, if you press enter once, it’ll act like you didn’t when you post it, and show up as a big block, which is where *line_break comes in handy, though depending on how you’re doing it, I’d personally suggest double spacing in your word program.
Double spacing will leave a blank line which ‘may’ be a better format, though that’s mostly my own preference.
Also wanted to mention, you don’t need to worry about reposting the link every time you update. Just replace the file and the link updates itself, as long as you don’t put the original folder somewhere else
It was very short. Will you be making it longer?
The lack of paragraphing makes it pretty had to read, but the writing was not bad.
Paragraphs Please. Unless you want my eyes to die. Other than that a good read.
Agreed with pretty much everyone else on here. Good plot, nice read… Needs paragraphs.
Also, a stat page would be nice, with stats determining whether or not your actions are successful (if that’s the time of Choicescript game you’re going for, that is)
I like this game overall however i do take some issue with the implication that a pistol is more of a long range weapon when compared to a shotgun i’ve fired both, and (depending on the type of ammo used.) I have found the shotgun to be superior over greater distances
LACK OF SPACIN’ CAN’T GET PAST FIRST PAGE SORRY.
Sorry.
intresting story/game
can never make it past pharmacy though no errors just poor choice ^_-
The writing is amazing (it’s very smooth and descriptive and the diction is pretty high level), the choices are frequent, the characters have distinctive personalities, the art is cool, your choices have impact, and the dialogue is engaging.
But, it seems a little rushed, there are a couple of grammar errors, there aren’t any stats, the ending is vague and seems forced, and there aren’t enough choices at a time (We should have 3+ options to choose from as opposed to 2).
Overall I’d give it a 3, but I can’t wait for this book’s release and I’d definitely pay for it. Hopefully, you’ll take what I said into account because if a couple of those things were fixed I’d give it a 4, and if all of them were fixed I might even give it a 5.
Okay, my character somehow made himself an orphan by shooting an arrow through someone’s head and fatally injuring my mother, is my character descended from Odysseus?
Hm, I’m getting a 404.
@stsword if I made it to be super realistic there wouldn’t be a bunch of creatures and there would be no way to have survived hence making a horrible, short story.
I liked it, the only quarrel I have is the ending. It was unexplained and left me wanting to know what really happened, was it really a dream? That sort of thing.
Well sets it up nicely for a update and or sequel.
I had a lot of thoughts about the ending, I wanted to see if people just wanted it to end or what I should do. I’ll probably base what we do off whats most popular unless I come up with something brilliant.