Blood Legacies (UPDATE 17/02/24| New Demo | 59k words)

New demo
Words of new demo:59,000

Demo in Dashingdon

Last update : 12/ dec/23
Words :170,000.

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Summary and Features

Synopsis: In a world where magic and the supernatural are common, with the nobility and the blood of a long lineage of ice elementals and powerful warriors on your shoulders, you were born to lead and fight. Bred for war and politics, your father’s expectations are upon you, to prove to be the best in every possible aspect, to deal with those who hate you, underestimate you, or respect you.

With the power of ice on one side and the sword on the other, you must learn to survive in this world, and for that, your hands will have to get dirty, to become the leader that many believe you will be, whether being the most respected or the cruelest noble.

Among the great powerful kingdoms, nobles, and peasants, there are enemies and allies on all sides, whether human or not. If the problems and countless things you have to deal with on a daily basis were not enough, a threat from the past rises, breaking the relative peace of your kingdom, threatening your life, home, and people. Who or what is it? You can’t say yet, but it has to do with your family, that’s for sure.

• Control ice and the sword, unlock abilities, and use them as you wish.

• Name your house and choose its symbol.

• Choose female, male, or non-binary gender.

• Adopt a creature, among these: an ice dragon, giant tiger, direwolf, or griffin.

• Manipulate, instill fear and respect, demonstrate mercy or kindness.

• Uncover mysteries, face diverse challenges and adversaries that exist in this world.

• Explore a fantasy world with various beings and creatures.

• Fall in love or not, with six romantic options to meet.

• Customize your appearance and personality, make meaningful choices. See how it affects the narrative and others’ perception of you.

• Lead your house and people, learn what you have to, solve problems, study at the kingdom’s academy, and fulfill your duty as a noble and warrior.

+18 Violence and other mature themes.

Word count, including code: 59,000 words

Romantic Options

Cecília Marven: The oldest heir of the Marven house, Cecília is a person dedicated to her family and very protective of her younger brother Caio. She is intelligent but also quite brave, to the point of scaring most of the school, both for her protectiveness with her family and friends, as well as being one of the most strategists in the academy, getting some of the best grades. No wonder, since her family is military and had great generals and advisers who came from the Marven house. She spends a lot of time training on the fields and in the training rooms.

“I take care of mine.”

/

Caio Marven: Cecilia’s younger brother, who, unlike his sister, is more passive and not as popular as her. He is calm, and rarely gets a chance to prove his worth to his family, as his father and sister are very protective of him. He really wants to prove himself useful. Although he is also quite intelligent, he is not very good at dueling, preferring to spend his time studying in the library.

" I’m trying my best."

/

Nix Arren, from Akalis:

Heirs to the throne of Akalis, Nix is not only intelligent, with remarkable skills in runes and magic as a mage, but also has training and experience from their studies in Akalis. Boldness and determination mark their presence, carrying himself with a natural leadership combined with their strategic mind.

“Everyone wears masks, some better than others.”


/

Elia Samuels: She’s part of the academy’s golden group, a wonder elementary of light, especially when it comes to healing. She volunteers in the infirmary of the academy where her older sister works, helping out whenever possible and spending her time there even if there are no patients and other people there. She is kind but also bold. When it comes to taking care of her patients, she can be extremely insistent on helping.

“I care too much, that could be a problem.”

/

Hayden Elkar: Heirs to the throne of the Kingdom of Elkar, a little narcissistic, but no wonder. They are good at duels and very good at controlling their elemental powers, attractive and very popular at school, they have their own fans and great grades. The perfect heirs, or maybe not? One thing to mention about them is that they love to spend their free time in the stables and also alone somewhere quiet.

“I must be an example.”


/

Tyler Krevan: Bastard son of Don Krevan, Tyler is a true sleeper, but curiously continues to get great grades. He enjoys parties but also his precious time in the art rooms. He knows how to use a sword but his specialty is Elemental manipulation. He is excellent at manipulating the air and knows how to use it like no other student.

" I have nothing to lose."

Adult topic

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Tumblr Bloodlegacies — |Blood Legacies :Book one|

Blood Legacies Playlist

518 Likes

Plot seems interesting, although not sure if this would apply but you might want it put up some warning, like (what looks to be) an abusive father, violence and the likes, there were also some grammar mistakes here and there but overall it seems interesting

8 Likes

Thanks for the comment and suggestion😁, I’ll put it on the notice list.

5 Likes

Can’t find the link to test the demo, but seems interesting!
Is Hayden gender selectable?

sorry for this error, I was editing the post and ended up deleting it by accident, this has already been fixed and you can test the demo. Hayden is non-binary gender.

5 Likes

Repeated paragraph

4 Likes

I really like the the story so far. I’m excited to see where it goes and meet all the characters. I really want to play the character as an ice queen, both in powers and personality if possible. I know you mentioned English isn’t your first language and I fully appreciate the effort you’ve put into your demo and I really hope you don’t think I’m being rude but it could use a lot of editing, especially with verb tenses.

10 Likes

This is a very interesting start, and I’d like to see where it goes. :slight_smile:

I do have a couple of minor complaints: Firstly, you often switch between past and present tense, which can make it harder to understand what’s going on. Secondly, while I do like the RO pictures, they’re pretty large; would it make sense to have a separate “Characters” page in the stats like you do for monsters, and put the images (and some character descriptions) there?

Good luck with the game! :smile:

7 Likes

Oi @L.D.nunes saves for this are overlapping with some other game…

1 Like

Oh, that happens if you have mygame in the save code; you should change it to something like:

*sm_init bloodlegacies | 5
3 Likes

Glad you liked it, and thanks also for the advice, I’ll take a look and revise the chapter to check for some errors and correct the verbs issue.

I’m glad you’re enjoying it, and I’ll check out the chapter about it and fix this matter of time. About the characters page, it’s already done, thanks for the suggestion and comment😁

1 Like

It’s been fixed, thanks for the warning, I didn’t realize that.

2 Likes

Seems great so far but you use they instead of their towards the end of the demo. You also said cecillia I found he at around the same point

1 Like

I believe I’ve fixed it already, but I’ll give it a read later to be sure.

interesting story, I noticed you used the wrong words for them, their, her and she, for example.

Like here where it states “Cecilia! I Found She!” this should actually say “Cecilia! I found her!”

Same with this line ““Well, it seems your charm works even on Wendigos, dear. And here I am imagining that they gave up after having tasted a little of that cold blood.” Them voice was calm” It should be their not them.

Their were a few other instances of this in the story.

1 Like

I hadn’t noticed that. I will work it out. Thanks for letting me know.

Oi there @L.D.nunes I like this despite the many many mistakes. Mistakes that are like @Aethelric pointed above and many many more.

Not to sound like an ass but you definitely need a proof reader and you need one as soon as possible.

7 Likes

I like the premise so far, it seems promising! Ice as an element has a lot of potential so I’d love to see various uses for it as challenges come up in the game.

I would suggest adding more responses in the scenes with the father. Maybe you can promise to him that you’ll train harder, stay silent instead of responding to him, or lash out because you’re in pain. Same goes for the scene where he gives you the knife–that must be one hell of a situation for a 12-year-old.

Typos

I noticed that when the game asks your name, one of the choices (santos) is not capitalised.

With years of training, his body is athletic and strong, but not overly so. You young but you know how to defend yourself in a fight.

I assume “his” refers to you (the player), so it should be your. And the second bit should be “you are young”.
I also saw this error in another paragraph:

Luckily for you, you didn’t have to make a choice as the man next door woke up and in a second his father turned around and created a barrier of ice at the same instant that a barrage of shadows was thrown against the icy wall.

And this one: “Will the trip take long?”

“Will the trip take?” You ask.
“No, it’ll be quick. It’s just back and forth, besides, Kalix is a good protection animal, and if there’s any more of those things, I can guarantee your protection.”

5 Likes

Thanks for letting me know, it’s these types of errors that often go unnoticed. I use a translator too, to translate a few lines of texts more easily and faster, but often the translator adds or changes a word, such as “he” or “his” in place of “your” and a few others. Which complicates, but thank you for showing the errors there. And chapter 1 will soon be updated with more options in the beginning scenes and others.

4 Likes